The Failed Tale of Robin Dale
Part Two - Preludes to a Plot
By Chip Chap
INT: Ranger HQ - Chip and Dale’s Bedroom - Night
Monterey Jack enters the room holding Bink in front of him, Bink has her arms spread out like wings on an airplane.
Bink:
Vroom! Vroom! Pilot Bink to ground control! Pilot Bink to ground control! Come
in ground control, over!
Monterey:
Ground control to Pilot Bink, read you loud and clear, over.
Bink:
Requesting permission to land, over.
Monterey:
You got it, Princess!
Monterey lands Bink on the bottom bunk and lays a blanket over her.
Monterey:
There you go. Now sleep tight, Princess. The circus is coming to the park tomorrow,
so you’re gonna need plenty of shut eye if you want to see everything.
Bink (giggles):
OK uncle Monty, but will you at least tell me more of that story.
Monterey:
Well OK, as long as you promise to get plenty of sleep.
Bink (wrapping the blanket around herself):
I promise.
Monterey (sitting down):
Now, far away from the quit town of Nottingsham there was a big and beautiful
castle, and in that castle lived a kind and beautiful princess...
INT: Hackwrench Castle - Princess Gadget’s bedroom- morning
Gadget’s room is large and well-lit. Her bed is large and fluffy, big silk curtains are drawn aside allowing the morning sun to shine into the room. The walls are covered with beautiful paintings. An immense closet is wide open revealing many splendid and expensive dresses, a large dresser is set against the wall under a big mirror, hundreds of bottles of perfume and makeup sit on the dresser. Gadget is wearing her nightgown and is sitting in a chair in front of the mirror while Tammy, who is dressed as maid, combs her hair.
Monterey (vo):
...who lived in the highest room in the tallest tower. Her hair shone brighter
than the purist gold, her eyes were bluer than the sky on a beautiful clear
day, she wore a beautiful pair of glass slippers and her voice carried like
a beautiful summer breeze...
Gadget clears her throat and begins singing.
Gadget (singing):
Oh, I’m feeling really...HAPPYTODAY!
I don’t know why I...DO!
Oh, I’m feeling real...HAPPYTODAY!
People never see me bluuuue!
I not sure why I’m...FEELINGSOGREAT!
My flowers don’t seem to...BLOOM!
It’s weird because I...REALLYDOHATE!
Being cooped up in this rooooom!
Lady Tammy (speaking through a forced smile):
What a wonderful voice you have, Princess.
Princess Gadget (smiling):
Why thank you Lady Tammy, I’ve been practicing.
Lady Tammy (glancing at a pot of dead flowers):
So I’ve noticed.
Bink (vo):
Wow, that princess is really pretty.
Monterey (vo):
Too right, she was the fairest and most beautiful princess in all the kingdom...
however there was one problem that threatened to make her very unhappy.
Bink (vo):
What was that?
Lady Tammy (under her breath):
That she couldn’t carry a tune if it had handles on it.
Monterey (vo):
Well... um...
Princess Gadget (sighing):
Oh, Lady Tammy I fear that I may never be able to see my dear father again...
Bink (vo):
Oh, that sounds really sad.
Lady Tammy (confused):
But Princess, The king is in the castle at this very moment.
Princess Gadget:
Oh I know that, it’s just that I live at the top of this big tower and
by the time I walk down all those steps in these glass slippers Dad’s usually
out attending to business in the country or something and then I have to wait
around for him to get back, and by that time my feet really hurt because the
stupid slippers aren’t very comfortable, and then I have to walk all the
way back up these stairs so I can get to bed and rest, but by that time I’m
so hungry that have to cook up an old sweater with that oil lamp I have in the
corner, unless of course I don’t have any oil for it, in which case I have
to shout at the top of my lungs for somebody to come up here and fill it up,
but I don’t like doing that because it’s seems like a big bother so
I usually have to eat the sweater raw, which is OK because I’ve sort of
acquired a taste for it and...
Lady Tammy (exasperated):
All right! All right! I get the point! Sheesh, if it’s that bad why don’t
you just stop wearing those glass slippers?
Princess Gadget (looking at her feet sadly):
Because I ate all my other shoes...
Tammy stares at Gadget for a moment, turns her head toward the camera and shakes her head sadly.
Bink (vo):
That sounds really sad.
Monterey (vo):
Well... um... don’t worry about that because the Princess's lady in waiting
was able to solve the problem...
Lady Tammy (turning back to Gadget):
Why don’t you just give up on this whole footwear thing and walk around
barefoot?
Princess Gadget (brightening up):
Golly, I never thought about that! Thank you very much Lady Tammy, you are the
best friend a Princess cooped up in a tower could ask for.
Tammy (sadly):
Yeah... I know.
Monterey (vo):
And so, the Princess walked around barefoot, thus allowing her to visit her
Father whenever she wanted and pursue a variety of hobbies.
FADE OUT
INT: Hackwrench Castle- The Throne Room - Day
The room is immense and beautiful. Majestic marble pillars hold up the ceiling, grand paintings line the walls depicting scenic views of the many cities and villages the King rules over. Everything is spotlessly clean and shines brilliantly. A long red carpet leads from the large entrance to platform on which sits a majestic throne.
Monterey (vo):
Now, while the Princess had just solved that... um... ordeal, the King was just
starting his day and would soon find himself face to face with an even bigger
problem.
Geegaw Hackwrench enters through the doorway clad in an elegant robe and wearing a golden crown. He makes his way up the carpet towards the throne. Behind him walks Basil and Ratigan. Basil is dressed in a robe and he carries a big book. Ratigan is dressed in shining armor and he has a large sword sheathed at his belt.
Monterey (vo):
The King was a wise and noble ruler who was always had the interests of others
in mind. His two most faithful attendants were Sir Ratigan who was his Commander
of the Guards and Sir Basil who was his Royal Advisor.
Geegaw walks up to the throne and sits down, Basil and Ratigan stand at attention on both sides of him.
King Geegaw:
All right then, let’s get this show on the road. Basil, what’s the
first order of the day.
Basil opens the big book to a book marked page.
Sir Basil (reading from the book):
We do some sort of surrealistic Monty Python sketch and then I say a really
bad pun.
Basil closes the book and tucks it under his arm. Everyone looks at him strangely.
King Geegaw (looking at Basil skeptically):
A surrealistic Monty Python sketch?
Sir Basil:
Yes, Your Highness.
King Geegaw:
Whatever for?
Sir Basil:
Because, my big book says so.
Sir Ratigan (looking at Basil):
You expect us to do a surrealistic Monty Python sketch just because your stupid
book says we should?
Sir Basil (looking smugly at Ratigan):
It’s written down in the big book so it’s going to happen.
King Geegaw (shaking his head):
That’s nonsense, I’m the leader of a whole country for crying out
loud, I don’t have time for silly stuff like that.
Basil (patting his big book):
Yes you do, it’s all planned out in this book right here, you’ve got
plenty of time.
Sir Ratigan (reaching for the book):
I don’t believe you, let me see that book!
Basil holds the book out of Ratigan‘s reach.
King Geegaw (talking to himself):
You know, something just isn’t right here, but I just can’t seem to
put my finger on it.
Sir Basil:
Reading the big book is my job, you‘re supposed to protect the king.
Sir Ratigan:
That’s right! My job is much more important than yours so I outrank you!
Now give me that book.
Ratigan makes a grab for the book but Basil jumps out of his reach and Ratigan falls on his face.
Sir Basil:
Uh-uh. You can’t protect the King and read the big book at the same time.
So if you try reading the big book you’ll be abandoning your post, and
you wouldn’t do that now would you?
Sir Ratigan (face turning red):
I don’t have to stare at the King all day! There’s nothing dangerous
here at all!
Ratigan gestures at the empty room.
King Geegaw:
Ahah! I know what’s wrong here!
Basil and Ratigan stop quarreling.
King Geegaw:
There aren't any Nobles around here!
Basil and Ratigan blink in confusion.
King Geegaw:
I mean... I am the King, so I obviously have to make some sort of royal decrees.
It really wouldn’t make very much sense if I was to make a bunch of decrees
and nobody was around to listen to them and admire my wisdom.
Basil and Ratigan look at each other.
Sir Ratigan (pulling himself up):
You know, he does have a point. It just isn’t very impressive when the
King sits around all day on the throne babbling to himself.
Sir Basil (rolling his eyes):
You can say that again.
King Geegaw:
No you can’t, I just made it illegal. Now bring in the nobles.
Sir Basil (shouting toward the door):
BRING IN THE NOBLES!
Sir Ratigan (shouting toward the door):
BRING IN THE NOBLES!
King Geegaw (shouting toward the door):
BRING IN THE NOBLES!
A line of castle guards march in through the door and line up on the wall near the King. Basil and Ratigan walk back to their places. Basil pulls back a big lever in the wall, huge sections of the wall slide back and some mechanical arms begin carrying nobles into the room and depositing them in groups around the room. After a sufficient number of nobles are placed in the room, Basil turns off the machine and the sections of wall slide back into place.
King Geegaw (sitting up on the throne and speaking in a more dignified
manner):
Very well, now that we have a sufficient audience. Sir Basil, what is the next
order of the day?
Sir Basil (reading from the big book):
A healthy serving of crushed acorn, basted in white wine, served with a light
salad, two grape slices, a scoop of fried rice and spam.
Basil puts the big book away and the nobles begin to pelt him with rotten tomatoes. Ratigan shields the king, but is obviously cracking up.
Nobels (while pelting Basil with rotten tomatoes):
BOOOOO!
After about a minute the nobles calm down, Ratigan walks back to his place and Basil starts cleaning himself off.
King Geegaw (looking directly at the camera):
If you think this is ridiculous, you should see us on weekends.
After cleaning himself off, Basil pulls out the big book and reads from it again.
Sir Basil (reading from the big book):
For the next order of the day, Lord Mickey is here to bring an important matter
to your attention.
The nobles all turn to see a black furred mouse in an elegant robe with very large ears walk down the red carpet and kneel before King Geegaw.
Lord Mickey:
Your Majesty, I must bring a very important and grave matter to your attention.
King Geegaw:
Sorry, but I’ve had enough grave matters to last me a lifetime, thank you
very much.
Sir Ratigan:
That goes for me as well.
Bink (vo):
What are they talking about, Uncle Monty?
Monterey (vo):
Um... nothing princess.
Lord Mickey:
Well actually it’s just very important, you see I was in charge of the
trading colony positioned on the shore of the far-off country of Samiam, and
I’m afraid that a horrible calamity has occurred.
King Geegaw:
Go on.
Lord Mickey:
Well, recently the natives have turned restless and hostile too. They completely
destroyed our trading colony. Fortunately, we were able to escape to our ships
and make it back here. But that land was filled with riches, I insist that you
send out some people to settle the matter with those people.
Everyone in the room turns to the king to hear his decision on the matter.
King Geegaw (looking down on Lord Mickey):
Listen mister, I don’t know who you think I am but I am NOT going to waste
the peoples gold just to clean up after your mess.
Lord Mickey jumps with a start and looks the king in the eyes.
Lord Mickey:
But My Lord...
King Geegaw:
No buts about it, you probably did something really stupid to offend them, didn’t
you? I bet you tried cheating them by trading them a bunch of worthless beads
for their gold or something...
Lord Mickey:
I object Your Highness! I did nothing of the sort. I traded with only the highest
quality merchandise, I would never cheat anyone with useless...
King Geegaw (looking at Lord Mickey skeptically):
What exactly did you trade with them?
Lord Mickey:
As I said, I only trade using high-quality merchandise, for example... (He pulls
out a pair of fuzzy slippers with his face painted on them.) ...this stylish
footwear is one of the many items that I traded with. They are warm, and very
attractive I can’t see what anyone could find wrong with them.
King Geegaw takes a long look at the slippers and shudders.
Lord Mickey:
But that’s not my only item, (H pulls out a cheap-looking compass that’s
painted to look like his face and has clumsy-looking circles sticking out to
look like his ears. this fine item is a fine example of our technology, it would
help out those savages considerably...
King Geegaw closes his eyes painfully and shakes his head, several of the nobles turn around in disgust and begin whispering to one another.
Lord Mickey (oblivious to everyone's reaction to his merchandise):
...and that’s not even counting these other wonderful items. (He pulls
out some T-shirts, a bar of soap, a spoon, a pair of ear-warmers, a jar of toothpaste,
a bath towel, a door-knob and a foot-stool, all of which are either shaped like
his head or have his face painted on them.) I defy anyone to see find fault
with the product I used to trade with them. This is obviously due to the savage
ways of an uncivilized people, Your Majesty. I feel it is your duty to make
those barbarians see reason.
Geegaw opens his eyes and stares long and hard at Lord Mickey.
King Geegaw:
No.
Lord Mickey (taken aback)
What?
King Geegaw:
No. I am not going to send anybody to take care of this mess, and do you know
why? I won’t because your merchandise is revolting. What were you thinking,
putting your face on everything? It doesn’t make sense. If you wanted to
trade with them, you should have made something they would find useful. As it
is, you’ve probably given all their children nightmares or something. You’ve
made a really big mistake and I have absolutely no intention of wasting precious
resources to bail you out of it.
Lord Mickey (looking dejected as he gathers his stuff and prepares to
leave):
Well... I guess your right. But I really would have liked to get this straightened
out, after all Samiam is the only country we know of that can grow chocolate...
King Geegaw suddenly perks up and looks at Lord Mickey with renewed interest.
King Geegaw (whispering into Basils ear):
Is that true?
Sir Basil (whispering back):
I’m afraid so, My Lord.
King Geegaw (announcing to the room):
However, since I hold the welfare of my country in such high regard, I believe
it would be irresponsible to leave these people with a bad opinion of us. So
I am going to send my most trusted advisors Sir Ratigan and Sir Basil to travel
to Samiam and make peace with it’s people. Lord Mickey will accompany them
so he can apologize to the natives and make sure that trade between our countries
is resumed...
(King Geegaw locks eyes with Lord Mickey)
...and he will inform me of any changes or decisions he plans to make.
Lord Mickey (bowing):
Thank you Your Majesty, I will do my best.
Lord Mickey turns around and heads out the door.
FADE OUT
INT: Ranger HQ - Chip and Dale’s Bedroom - Night
Monterey is sitting in his chair and Bink is laying in bed.
Bink (sleepily):
What *yawn* happened next Uncle Monty?
Monterey (getting up out of his chair):
I’ll tell you tomorrow, Princess. Now you should get some sleep, we’ve
got a big day tomorrow.
Bink (snuggling into her pillow and closing her eyes):
Alright.
Monterey walks out the door and turns out the light.
Disclaimer:
Trite Fright Night is Copyright Matt Plotecher
The Rescue Rangers are Copyright Disney
Robin Hood (the animated film) is Copyright Disney
Basil and Ratigan also are Copyright Disney
From the author:
So, what do you think?
Were any of the jokes funny?
Were the characters interesting?
Does having Monterey tell the story help at all?
Please tell me what you think and feel free to give me any advice you have.
By the way, I’m putting up some deleted scenes after this and I would
appreciate it if you told me what you think of them.