By Cyber Daimyo
Part Three
Gadget Hackwrench: Hello, and welcome back to Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy. I was told that I would never have to do this again, but Mepps just forced Worldvision Enterprises Inc. into Chapter 11 again.
Mepps: I did, Gadget. And I'm going to put that crazy "Whoosh Globe" off my case for good.
Gadget Hackwrench: Great, just great. Anyway, let's check out the scores. In first place, with negative $400, is the Acorn Cafe member, Jonathan "Zanzibar" Borin.
Zanzibar: It's just fantastic to be here, Gadget. I mean, heh, just fantastic. Also, can I say hi to my cousins?
Gadget Hackwrench: No. Next up, with negative $8,000, we have Officer Kirby.
Officer Kirby: [ standing on podium, making noises with his armpits ] Hey, it's great to be here, no ifs, ands, or doubts about it. Ha Ha!
Gadget Hackwrench: That's disgusting. And finally, with a staggering negative $51,000, is [ sighs ] Mepps.
Mepps: [ laughs ] It's good to be back once again, you Canadian geisha. [ continues laughing ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Already starting with that I see. I'll let that one go for now, but next time, it's going to be payback. Let's take a look at the board. The categories are: Black or White, this is where we show you a color and it will either be black or white, Anime Ending in 'Enchi Muyo,' Classic Movies, these will be about movies one of you have seen many years ago, Basic Addition, Things with Eight Legs, The Five Senses, and finally, Free Money, where whoever picks that category will instantly get the dough. Zanzibar, I believe the board is yours.
Zanzibar: Um, yes, let me take Rescue Ranger Stories for $200.
Gadget Hackwrench: That isn't a category. Officer Kirby, why don't you pick a category.
Officer Kirby: [ Imitating The Mask ] ALRIGHTY THEN!!! HA HA HA!!! I'll take Movies for $500.
Gadget Hackwrench: Very well. This was the title character of the movie, Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. [ Kirby buzzes in ] Mr. Kirby.
Officer Kirby: Okay, Gadget. How about, uh, [ smacks head ] I dunno, Law And Order. [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: No. [ Zanzibar buzzes in ] Zanzibar.
Zanzibar: Who is Indiana Jones? [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: No. [ Mepps buzzes in ] Mepps.
Mepps: What is SWAT KATS: The Radical Squadron? [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: No!
Mepps: Well that's the one you starred in a decade ago. Haven't you, sweetheart? [ laughs ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Come on! The correct answer is Ace Ventura, the title character of the movie: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls.
Zanzibar: Well, I, uh, I mean, sheesh, I just thought, that, um, maybe, I mean, I'm sorry but-
Gadget Hackwrench: Apologies aren't necessary, Zanzibar. Mr. Kirby, you still have control of the board.
Officer Kirby: That's correct, Gadget. [ Imitates The mask ] CAUSE I AM SSSMOKIN'!!! HA HA! I'll take Anime Ending in 'Enchi Muyo' for $200.
Gadget Hackwrench: This Anime series, starring Matt Miller, as the voice of Tenchi Masaki, ends in "Enchi Muyo." [ Mepps buzzes in ] Mepps.
Mepps: Sailor Moon. [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: No.
Mepps: I'm getting awfully tired of your anti-lady games, Gadget.
Gadget Hackwrench: That is incorrect, Mepps, and it's your fault, not mine.
Mepps: You better watch out, Queen Beryl! [ Shakes his fist at Gadget ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Definitely unbelievable. The answer is Tenchi Muyo. Mr. Kirby, you still have control of the board.
Officer Kirby: Thank you, Gadget. Thank you very much. I'll take Eight Legged Things for $200.
Gadget Hackwrench: This is a picture clue, so I will show you a picture with the answer. [ Board shows a picture of a spider ] Name this eight-legged thing. [ Zanzibar buzzes in ] Zanzibar.
Zanzibar: One time, kind of about several months ago, I guess. When I was on a camping trip with my friends, I was doing some exploring I-
Gadget Hackwrench: [ Interrupting ] Do you have an answer, Zanzibar?
Zanzibar: Yeah. I once saw this one bug thing, it had eight legs and, um, I was really scared of those things and this one was the size of a bird! So, you know, I-
Gadget Hackwrench: [ angry ] You know what it is, Zanzibar, just say it!
Zanzibar: So I screamed and screamed, and I... [ screams while running around the stage as the time-out beep sounds off ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Sorry, your time is over. It was a spider, I can't believe none of you got this. Sadly, the board is still Mr. Kirby's, but he is unfit to choose, [ camera cuts to Kirby with his foot stuck in his mouth ] so I will. Basic Addition for $100. The answer is: two plus two equals this number. [ Zanzibar buzzes in ] Zanzibar.
Zanzibar: Five. [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Not even close.
Zanzibar: [ Dancing around like crazy ] AHH! AHH! AHH! AHH!
Gadget Hackwrench: [ Mepps buzzes in ] Mepps.
Mepps: That would be Mr. I. C. Spots.
Gadget Hackwrench: [ confused ] I. C. Spots???
Mepps: I would be surprised if you did.
Gadget Hackwrench: I'm getting sick of this, let's just move on to Final Jeopardy. The category is my favorite category, Quantum Physics. [ rips card ] You know what? I don't think that's going to work for you guys. How about you just tell me how you feel. [ Present day Final Jeopardy Theme starts ] You could be happy, or sad, or angry, just tell me how you feel right now. [ music ends ] Okay, we come now to Zanzibar, who is grinning like an idiot. Let's see how he feels. He wrote down [ shows answer ] Send me money.
Zanzibar: Yeah, um, my final exams, you know, really bombed me out.
Gadget Hackwrench: Okay, we come now to Officer Kirby. He wrote [ shows answer ] All Right. He apparently feels all right. Let's see what he wagered: Y Then. Allrighty then.
Officer Kirby: [ imitates The Mask ] ALLRIGHTY THEN!!!
Gadget Hackwrench: Spectacular. Just great. Finally, we come to Mepps. He answered, I feel sorry. I don't understand.
Mepps: I called you Queen Beryl earlier, and I feel bad. You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry. [ Mepps and Gadget laugh together ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Well, thanks, I guess. You kind of caught me off guard there. I would have expected some insult from you. Thank you. That was a correct answer, so let's see what you wagered: for your boyfriend. I feel sorry for your boyfriend. Just when I thought you were turning over a new leaf, I should have known better.
Mepps: [ laughs wildly ] Yeah, you should have. Your too easy, Gadget. I couldn't help myself. [ continues laughing ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Well, that's it for Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm going home to practice my ballet. Good night. [ walks offstage ]
[ Zanzibar and Officer Kirby dance with each other as Mepps leaves the stage
]