He Who Laughs Last

He Who Laughs Last...

Written by: Christopher "Malachite" Sweeters Mail Two and Three
(He never responded when I E-Mailed him at the first address but perhaps I'll try the second two soon...)

Note-this story takes place in the future. It is a very short comedy. Please let me know how you like it. I voluntarily rate this PG-13.

As the six rescue rangers returned to their tree, the sun was already setting. "Well," said Foxglove, "that certainly was an interesting case. How many year's did you guys say you've been thwarting Nimnul's plans?"

"I think we're up to about seventeen now." his wife stated matter-of-factly. "Am I right Monty?"

"Yeah, Monty's was around way back when people had a lot more respect for the law." responded Chip.

"Yeah, well, you just try being married for seven years and we'll see how you do!" the chipmunk retorted.

"Oh Monty, it's not really all that bad." pleaded Gadget, who paused to look in her husband's direction. Chip wasn't sure if she was going to compliment him or tease him. "As long as you have an understanding relationship."

"Understanding. The act of giving into whatever the woman wants, regardless of how unreasonable the request may be." Chip spoke. He knew Gadget was going to get him for that one, he just wasn't sure how yet. Still, everyone laughed, even Gadget.

"Chip, want to sleep on the couch tonight?" At this suggestion, Gadget's spouse quickly changed his tune.

"Well, on that note, I'm going out feeding. See you later, everyone. Bye, cutie." Foxglove strutted out the door and took flight.

"And Zip and me are goin' to meet a cheese ship. Later, mates." The mouse and fly followed the bat out the door.

Gadget yawned. "I've got to get up early and take care of a few things in my workshop. I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow. Oh, and Chip, when you come in, could you try not to bump into the nightstand? you've done that twice this week already, and it always wakes me up. You know I have a really hard time falling back asleep."

"Well, if you would come to bed at a reasonable hour instead of staying up half the night reading..."

After Gadget entered her bedroom and closed the door, Dale spoke. "Oooh, looks like I'm not the only one who's hen-pecked."

"Like I didn't hear Foxy yelling at you for something similar. The only difference between you and me is that I stay up reading and you watch those trashy movies."

Chip looked around for a moment, then whispered to Dale, "You just need to learn the right stories to tell."

"Don't worry Chipper. I'm still gonna take your advice. If you'll excuse me and stuff, I've got three new comic books to get under my belt before Foxglove gets back."

*He's getting too smart for me. Either that, or I'm getting to naive.* Chip trotted into the kitchen and made himself a thimblefull of Earl Grey, then settled into a chair of the living room to read a book, "Friday the Rabbi Slept Late."

In his room, Dale Oakmont poured over the latest issue of "The Vault of Horror." He had just finished reading the letters column, when a truly mischevious thought entered his mind. *Let's have a little fun with Chip.* Dale looked up at the clock. It was nine in the evening. *Another half hour ought to do it.* Dale read on with eager anticipation. He owed Chip for teasing him earlier. With any luck, things would turn out perfectly.

At 9:30 on the dot, Dale grabbed a rose out of the vase on Foxy's nightstand and quietly slipped out of his room and opened the door to Chip and Gadget's, silently slipping inside. He slowly crawled into the bed, being careful to make enough vibrations to stir Gadget, but not thoroughly wake her.

"Mmmm." Gadget murmered. "Came to bed at a decent hour?" She was halfway between consciousness and sleep.

"Uh huh." Dale pitched his voice high to sound like Chip. It wasn't perfect, but he doubted Gadget would notice in her present state. He just lay there a moment, letting the female mouse settle down. Then he put his plan into action. Dale very softly ran the tips of his finges down Gadget's neck, just enough so she would notice.

Unsatisfied, Dale decided to do something more drastic. He took the rose in his hand and lightly passed the petals over Gadget's cheek.

Dale, knowing he had made progress, obeyd her. He ceased all action for five minutes, allowing Gadget to fall back to the brink of sleep. He then delicately blew in her hair, sending a reverbarating chill throughout her. "*Yawn* C'mon Chip, I though we had agreed to keep it at two nights a week and on special occasions. It isn't even Saturday yet hun."

Dale winced at this remark. He had come in here to set one particular event in motion, not learn the details of Chip's intimate life. He let out a long breath which traveled over Gadget's face.

"You're not making this easy, Chip. I really have to get up tomorrow." She stirred, and a corner of her purple nightgown came out from under the covers.

Dale was torn. He knew he should probably go, but he was so close to his goal. A little more and she would throw him out. Then Chip would come in later on and Gadget would yell at him, and make him spend the night on the couch. That would teach him. He did feel a little sheepish, but those thoughts vanished when he thought of Chip making fun of him earlier. He knew that Chip had kept his comments a tad more pointed when directed at him.

"Honey, if we don't get pregnant this month, it's not like we can't try next time."

That was enough for Dale, he wanted out. He had heard way more than he wanted to hear, and he didn't want to be caught now. he had no business hearing this. Worse, he would be D-E-A-D if he was found out.

"Oh, all right." Gadget said, turning over to kiss her husband. Dale winced. He was in trouble. He couldn't leave, and he couldn't stay. He hoped he could fool Gadget just long enough. He would excuse himself for a glass of water, and not return. She would fall asleep. Oops, out of time. Before he knew it, his lips were being met by Gadget's.

Let it be said that a woman knows, especially when it comes to their men. And over a time, they develop eyes, and lips, only for their mates. Suffice to say, there were some things that Dale just couldn't fake. There were only three words on Gadget's mind. "I love you." Only those, three, until her lips met up with her "husband's". Then they changed to "Something is amiss."

Gadget opened her eyes to see Dale, looking extremely unconfortable. She couldn't speak or even think for about two seconds. Then, she screamed at the top of her lungs, covering every inch of her with the blanket. She was fully clothed in her nightgown, but she suddenly felt very naked.

"Dale! What in the name of Newton are you doing in my bed? No, wait, I don't want to know! Please tell me I'm draming."

"Sorry, Gadget. This was meant to get Chip, not you. I was trying to have you throw me out so he'd have to spend the night on the couch."

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. Please don't tell Chip. I'll make it up to you, I swear it. I'll do the dishes for a year! Two even."

Dale and Gadget went to the living room. They found a note, saying that Chip had gone for a walk. The two of them were thankful.

"-sleep on the couch for a week!" chimed Foxy, slipping in the door. "I heard the whole thing."

"Foxy," said Gadget, "don't tell Chip. I'm going to let Dale off with doing my chores for two months."

"Don't thank me yet. I'm still incredibly angry with you, Dale. Why on earth did you want me to throw Chip out of bed."

"I don't know, really. Just kind of like sibling rivalry. He was calling me hen-pecked earlier, and I wanted to show him up."

"By slipping into bed with his wife and posing as him?!" Foxglove picked up the lecture. "How would you have felt if he slipped into our room trying to do the same thing?"

"Aw, c'mon, it was just a joke! It's not like I was trying to do anything wrong with her or something!"

"That's not the point! The point is that you had less than no right to go in there, Dale. Now we'll se how you like sleeping all alone."

"What are you gonna tell chip when he asks what I'm doing sleeping on the couch?"

"I'm not going to tell him anything! You're going to tell him you did something very bad and your loving wife is angry with you. I'm sure you'll think of something good."

"Now wait a minute!" said Gadget. "That's all well and fine, but what about me? I'm the one that just told Dale a lot of personal things that never should have left that bedroom and it's rightful inhabitants. Do you know how uncomfortable that makes me feel? I don't want anyone else to know what goes on inside that room! It's hard enough keeping privacy with six of us living in this tree. Next thing you know, half the park knows what's going on behind closed doors!"

"I won't tell anyone Gadget, I swear!" pleaded Dale. "I don't even wanna know the stuff I know!"

"See that you don't. And....I forgive you Dale. Honestly. But if you ever, EVER-"

Gadget simply turned and skulked off to her room, muttering something that sounded like "Men!" under her breath.

"Monterey Jack. Do you have any idea what your friend here did this evening?" asked Foxglove. Gadget attempted to whisper some thing to Foxy, but it fell short.

"No, I wasn't here. Now, what trouble could me little pally Dale have possibly gotten into?"

"He snuck into gadget's bedrrom, pretending that he was Chip." the bat repeated herself.

"Because...Because I wanted to bother Gadget. If she thought I was Chip, she would throw me out. Then when Chip came home, he'd have to sleep on the couch." Dale mananged.

"Now Monty," began Gadget, "I think we should stop making fun of Dale. He's being punished well enough for now."

"He's sleeping on the couch for a week." added Foxglove. "And he deserves it, after hearing all that stuff about Chip and Gadget having trouble trying to have children..."

Throughout all of this, the five of them had failed to notice Chip amke his entrance, they were so busy shouting amongst themselves. Unfortunately for Dale, Chip knew the extent of information Dale came to possess. Fortunately, Chip didn't feel to preturbed over it. Chip attempted to get their attention once, twice, thrice, all to no avail.

"Oh, bloody hell!" he shouted, which managed to stop everyone else from chattering.

"Chip! You're home honey!" Gadget said innocently and enthusiastically, hoping he didn;t know what the involved conversation had been about.

"Just forget about it. We'll talk in the morning. Just everybody, let's go to bed."

Everyone looked as though they were going to say something, but no one did. Finally, they all just began to shuffle off to their respective bedrooms. "Everyone except Dale of course." Chip tacked it onto his previous sentence.

"Nuts!" shouted Dale, who walked calmly to the couch and flopped down on it. "Nuts!"

Zipper tucked himself into his knothole, and went to bed normally. *Hopefully, no real damage was done here*. He sighed, and stared at his ceiling. *Why do I live with this crazy bunch of landwalkers anyway?*

Monterey Jack went about his unusual routine. *I'm not worried. I trust that persoanl information that we don't want shared with others will stay in this group. All the same though, I still prefer to keep some things to meself.* He sighed. *Desiree...*

Foxglove paced the bedroom for a moment, before spreading her wings and flying up to the beam that hung suspended a few feet over the bed. Sometimes she would sleep in bed with Dale, and other times she would sleep in her natural position. She always slept far better hanging upsode down, so she figured that she would be one well-rested bat this week. *Still, am I not satisfying Dale in some way that he feels the need to snuggle up to another?* At that, Foxy made it a point to speak to Gadget privately, and allowed herself to drift into a fitful sleep.

Chip stumbled into his bedroom, slipped off his bomber jcket, and replaced it with his white nightshirt. He then laid down on his side of the bed, pulled up the covers, and listened to his wife. "Chip, you aren't, uh, mad about what happened, are you?" asked Gadget.

"A little." responded Chip. "But I'm kind of glad in a way that everyone knows. It feels like one less weight I have to carry."

"I just don't want you to blame yourself. I have a good feeling about next time."

"He'll be fine, but he'll wish he weren't when Foxy and I are finished with him." She looked out the window for a moment, then developed a coy look, as she looked at Chip, settled in for a night's rest. "You know Chip, since I am up now, we could...."

*It figures.* thought Gadget. She allowed her head to fall to the pillow. Soon her breathing matched the slow and steady rate of Chip's, and before she knew it, she was asleep, the ordeal having come to...

This one was a quickie, folks. And a comedy at that. I hope it met with your approval. Please send your questions, commments, compliments, and complaints to me, Chris at

All of the characters contained herein were copyrighted by Disney. No infringement on Disney's rights is intended. The author takes no credit for the creation of these characters, merely the situation in which they have been placed. It isn't worth coming after me you lawyer folk, take my word on it!