The Bikini Break
V- Insane Estimates
Gadget finished dressing and stepped out of the underbrush to find Gary on the beach wearing a white terrycloth shirt, dark Bermuda shorts and sandals. She was about to deliver a fierce scolding when he beat her to the punch.
“Not a word,” he said, waggling his finger at her. “You, of all people, should know better than to impose your values on folks in their own homes. You’ve traveled too widely for that.”
Gadget clopped her mouth shut, chagrined. “You might have at least mentioned the mice don’t wear clothes here.”
“If it makes you self-conscious, you can always ‘do as the Romans do,’” he suggested with a crafty smile.
“Not a chance! I’m not ‘going native’ and have you two eyeballing me. Besides, we still have a job to do.”
Gordon drove up astride the ATV and tooted the horn. It was a perfectly scaled Yamaha four-wheel ATV, boasting a powerful pair of electric motors that made it ferociously fast.
“Here’s the fun way to dry your fur,” Gordon suggested. “Whataya think?”
“This is neat, Gordo! Can I drive?”
“Sure thing. Let me grab a shirt.”
Gordon trotted over to their bags and pulled out an orange beach top. Gary intercepted him.
“The ulterior motive now becomes clear, you sneak,” Gary accused. “You’re going to go bouncing over the dunes with your arms around Gadget.”
“If you’d spoken up a bit sooner, you’d have your arms around her,” Gordon said smugly. “Now, you can do your bit for the mission and get the scuba gear out of the Bullet. We’ll pick you up on the way back.”
Gordon ran back to the ATV and climbed aboard behind Gadget. He boldly slipped his arms around her waist and snuggled in close. They both waved and Gadget drove off at a breakneck speed, leaving Gary to convince himself that he was NOT bothered by it. Nope, not a bit. No-sir-ee.
Gordon directed Gadget to the old military barracks, a series of wood framed buildings elevated on short pilings to avert dry rot. Most were built just after the Second World War and were still quite serviceable.
Gordon squeezed Gadget tighter as he spoke in her ear. “Try the big ones on the left. Those are the old repair shops and headquarters.”
Gadget wheeled the nimble ATV under one of the buildings and braked to a stop. They looked around at scattered human cast-offs that littered the area.
“This is kind of messy for a military post.” Her nose twitched at the faint odor of decay .
“I think they bugged out in a hurry after the Test Ban Treaty was approved. They tossed a lot of stuff under the buildings before they left.”
“Look for something flat and wide,” Gadget said. “Something... I don’t know. Raft-shaped. We’ll need heavy weights for two anchors and some chain as well.”
“Are you always this precise in selecting your components?”
“I don’t usually get much choice. I’ve always managed to make do with whatever I could find,” she said. “And there’s a find!”
She pulled to a stop beside a large spool that rested in the shadow of an old shed. “This will be perfect anchor chain.”
“I think that’s meant for the inside of toilet tanks.”
“That’s why it hasn’t rusted. There’s plenty of it here. It’s perfect.”
Gordon scanned the area around them. “There’s something interesting across the street. Let’s check.”
Gadget wheeled them quickly to the place he indicated and stopped beside a pair of large metal shapes.
“Lugnuts,” Gadget said. “From an earthmover or something really big.”
“Yep, them’s biiiig nuts! And as a professional squirrel, I should know!”
“We’ve almost got this licked,” Gadget beamed. “All we need is the raft. How about over there?”
They stopped again nearby and ranged out separately from the ATV, poking through piles of scrap, sifting through antique litter. Gadget picked up useful bits of small hardware as she went, dropping them in a little box that once held an electronic device.
Gordon spotted a silvery object in the sand. “This might fill the bill,” he called. “It’s a two-gallon can. It smells like it had some kind of fruit in it. We must be under the mess hall.” He brushed some sand from around the object and revealed a thin container, roughly shaped like a hard bound book. “Looks good. Is it usable?”
Gadget trotted over and gave it the once-over. She thumped the sides and examined the edges. “It sounds like it’s empty. It doesn’t seem to be corroded. I think this’ll do it. I can run an axle under it and use the lug nuts for wheels. Do you think the two of us can push it?”
“The ATV can drag it over the sand. It’s got plenty of power. Here, hitch the anchor chain through the handle. We can tie the rest of the stuff on top.” He tossed her a length of strong twine with which she secured the spool of chain and the small hardware. Gordon tied the chain to the back of the ATV. “I’ll drive. I know an easy route back to the Bullet.”
Gary was slinging the last of the diving gear into a small cargo trailer that sported balloon tires identical to the ATV’s when he heard the excited whooping of his colleagues as they bounded over the dunes toward him. If anything, he was even more determined to be unperturbed when the ATV pulled up dragging its glittering prizes and with Gadget tightly hugging Gordon’s back.
“Enjoy the ride?” Gary asked dryly.
“Oh, yes,” Gordon said smugly. “’E’ ticket all the way. Very smooth, nice handling, quite pleasant in the bumpy parts.”
“Got a really nice can, too!” Gadget chimed in, causing Gary to absolutely glower at his partner.
Gordon swung off the ATV and grasped Gary by the arm, leading him out of Gadget’s hearing. “Don’t hesitate in times like these,” he said with sincerity. “You could miss out on more than you ever thought you might have.” His words startled Gary. He couldn’t figure for the life of him what his partner was up to.
“Is there somewhere we could put this in the water?” Gadget asked as she took off her shoes. “I need to ballast it and check it for leaks.”
“There’s an inlet in the rocks at the end of the beach,” Gary said. “I was planning to use it as a base, anyway. We can tow it straight there along with the dive gear.”
They hitched up the trailer and towed the can, the trailer, the dive gear, and Gary to a spot where the beach sloped into a rocky cove, forming a mini-harbor. Gordon used the push bars on the ATV to nudge the tin can through the wet sand to the edge of the water.
“Give me a hand with the cap,” Gadget called, waving the guys over “I can’t budge it.” Gordon and Gary both struggled with the metal screw-top briefly. It was reluctant but not immovable, and soon came loose. They had hardly taken it off before Gadget climbed through the opening with a diver’s lamp to examine the interior.
“This is great!” she called, her voice echoing from the spout. “It’s kinda sticky in here, but it’s not rusted at all. Start bringing some rocks. As big as you can fit through the spout.”
The Two Scruffy Guys dutifully hauled rocks and coral chunks and handed them over Gadget, who distributed them around the interior. After a few minutes she stuck her head out the opening, gulping down the fresh air.
“Whoa! I’d better watch out in there,” she panted. “I’m gettin’ loopy.”
“Gadget,” Gary chided, “this label says it held blueberry pancake syrup. Even you can’t be that much of a lightweight.”
“It’s pancake syrup that’s fermented and aged for forty years. What’s left is like thick blueberry schnapps now. Even the fumes are potent.” She took another rock and disappeared back into the dark.
“This could be interesting,” Gordon smirked. “A besotted mouse in paradise.”
“I heard that,” Gadget called out. “I can hold my vapor.” She climbed out of the tin, Gordon steadying her as she seemed a bit off balance. “There! The syrup will keep the rocks from shifting and the raft should be nice and stable. Can we tow it out now?”
“We’ll inflate the boat and set up the motor.” A smile curled the corners of Gary’s mouth. “You might want to go wading in the tidepools for a bit.”
“What for? I just went swimming.”
“Becauuuse,” Gordon drawled, “you also just turned your feet purple.”
“Awwwk!” Gadget cried. The ancient syrup had dyed her fur almost to the hem of her shorts. “Gee, I guess I’d better go for a dunk.” As her cheeks slowly turned pink, she scooted up the cove towards the shallows.
Gordon studied her as she retreated. “Hmmm, I wonder. Purple stockings, a short gold lamé dress, a pair of nice high heels... Whataya think, partner?”
“I think you’d better get your mind out of your shorts and back on your work,” Gary replied coolly.
“What’s the matter?” Gordon grinned. “Unhappy that someone else noticed we have a beautiful girl on the team?”
"I noticed,” Gary protested. “I just don’t think it’s appropriate to chase after her while were on an assignment.”
“How about after the assignment?”
Gary winced in frustration. “Gord, your libido’s stuck in your zipper. Tuck it in.”
“C’mon Gary,” Gordon reproved. “Take a chance. Just to decide who takes her out first.”
“You want to cut cards to see who gets Gadget? She won’t stand for that.”
“She’ll never know. And I’m not cutting cards with you. You know the saying, ‘lucky at cards, unlucky at love?’ I don’t want to jinx my date.”
“Whatta ya mean, your date? You haven’t won anything yet.”
“Bet’s on!” Gordon said triumphantly. “Flip a coin.”
“We don’t have any money,” Gary reminded him. He took out a pair of tiny dice, white with brilliant blue spots. “We’ll roll the bones.”
“All right!” Gordon rubbed his hands together in glee, then climbed atop the raft-to-be. “We can shoot ‘em up here. Straight craps. Shooter comin’ out!”
“Okay. You’re on.” Gary rattled the dice in his hand as he knelt down, then sent them skittering across the metal surface. The dice bounced off the box of hardware and came to rest.
“Wha... Seven!?” Gordon exclaimed. He fixed his partner with a suspicious glare. “Obi-Wan has trained you well.”
Gary held his hands up and smiled. “Fate. Karma. Kismet. Mysterious Forces of the Universe. Call it what you will.”
“You’d better let me do the dangerous stuff the rest of this trip,” Gordon said. “You’ve just burnt up all your luck. And don’t stall on getting that date or I’ll declare the bet off.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll ask her,” Gary said, smiling at the prospect.
“Not good enough,” Gordon warned. “You have to get the date, or it doesn’t count.” He grinned broadly at his partner, grabbed the outboard motor, and headed for the water.
By the time Gadget returned, the Scruffy Guys had the motorboat assembled and the tin can raft in the water, tied to the shore. She scrambled aboard the boat and Gary motored them out near the reef.
“Hold it a second,” Gordon called. “Let me get the pick-up in the water.” Gary slowed the boat and Gordon let the sensor of the Geiger counter ease into the water and payed out the cable. “Okay, that’s about fifty feet. Go slow.”
Gary turned the boat to parallel the shore and began to troll back and forth. “Whoa!” Gordon hollered. “The meter just spiked. Zig-zag to the north a bit.” A few minutes later, they circled and he said, “It’s at a peak shoreward from here. It must be right under us.”
“Good,” Gary said. “Drop the marker.”
“Don’t you want to mark the spot where you’re going to put the raft?” Gadget asked.
“This is the spot,” Gary answered. “We’re right over it.”
Gadget’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “How much dive time do you two have?”
“We’re both fully qualified,” Gary said evasively.
“How much time on search dives?” Gadget demanded.
“Four hours,” Gary confessed.
“Seven for me,” Gordon added.
“Oh, for gosh sake! You’re practically water babies! Look, we’ll want the raft downwind a ways so when we surface and we’re tired, the wind will help us toward the raft and not fight us. See?”
“I told you she was good,” Gordon said.
“I’m aware she’s better qualified than we are,” Gary said testily. “Isn’t that why we brought her along?”
“I thought it was because you liked her,” Gordon said, dripping with innocence.
“That’s enough of that,” Gary warned. “You make it sound like I’m trying to...”
“Guys! Don’t fight!” Gadget pleaded. “This sort of thing went on between Chip and Dale for years, even after Dale and Foxglove met. If you two are going to argue over me, I’ll jump in the ocean and swim back to L.A.!”
“Don’t worry,” Gordon assured with a smile. “We’re just needling each other. We’re a lot worse when you’re not around.”
“Though I don’t think the subject matter is quite so personal,” Gary said, unforgivingly.
“Just play nice, you two galoots,” she warned.
“Galoots we are,” Gordon agreed. “The best galoots. We are Galootness Maximus.”
“Watch your language!” Gadget scolded.
“I didn’t say...”
“I know what you meant! Just watch it. And drop the marker.”
“Huh?” Gordon replied.
“Drop the marker here.” she repeated. “This is a good spot.”
“Aye, aye,” Gordon heaved the buoy and it’s anchor over the side.
“Do you want to try to get in a dive?” Gadget asked as she peered into the clear blue water. “We’ve got time before it gets dark.”
“You want to wrap this up so you can lounge on the beach, don’t you?” Gary said.
“I’m not some lazeabout,” she replied. “I enjoy scuba diving and it’s great exercise. How about it?”
“As you command, Cap’n Ma’am,” Gary answered.
It took only a half an hour to load the diving gear on the raft and rig it for towing to the dive site. Gadget stole a few minutes to set up an awning on the raft to afford them some shade from the relentless tropical sun. The whole arrangement looked very comfortable.
“The Skipper and Gilligan would be pleased,” Gary said.
Gadget checked the diving gear as Gordon maneuvered the motorboat into towing position. She opened a small metal case to find a scuba regulator that she could easily heft in one hand.
“Golly, this is really fine work,” she said. “I suppose a group of rodents at Dacor made these?”
“No, Sol Gorsky did, about fifteen years ago,” Gary replied. “He built a half-dozen sets by hand for some mission no one remembers now, and he’s maintained them ever since. That’s why they’re only on loan.”
“Mr. Gorsky made this?” Gadget marveled. “His fingers are the size of my legs. How did he ever manage it?”
“He’s a watchmaker. His whole life has been working with tiny objects and delicate tools. And also helping the animals he still feels a debt to.”
“Maybe I’ve underestimated human creativity,” Gadget admitted, carefully placing the precious instrument back in its case. “Maybe I’ve underestimated humans, period.”
Gordon started the outboard and slowly towed the raft out to the floating marker. Upon reaching it, he reversed course and pulled alongside the raft as Gadget and Gary teamed up to push the first lugnut anchor over the side. Gordon grabbed the second anchor and heaved it in single-handed. Both chains payed out and Gadget hurried to belay them and secure them to the raft. She was just finishing the second one when the raft took on an alarming tilt. Thinking they had sprung a leak she spun about to look for bubbles surfacing, and instead spotted Gary and Gordon pulling mightily on the other anchor chain.
“What the heck are you doing!” she shouted.
“Taking up the slack in the chain,” Gary said.
“NO, NO, NO! You’re going to drag us under! There has to be slack in the anchor chain.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Gary still held the chain. “How is the anchor going to hold us in place?”
“The anchor holds the chain in place! The chain holds the raft in place! The raft has to float, you ninnys!”
“Oh,” Gary said, letting the links slide from his hand. “I guess that does make sense.” Gordon only shrugged.
Gadget looked them both over with growing apprehension. “Have either of you ever been out on the ocean? At all?”
They didn’t need to answer. Their embarrassed, evasive expressions told the whole story.
“Oh, good golly,” Gadget moaned. “You’re a couple of complete landlubbers! What was your boss thinking?”
“That we were the last resort,” Gary admitted.
“Okay,” Gadget said patiently. “Just do what I tell you when I tell you, and maybe we won’t all drown.”
“Aye, aye, Cap’n Ma’am,” they responded, adding overbroad English salutes.
Gary and Gordon began assembling the dive gear as Gadget stepped behind the flap of the awning to change.
“Do you think we should tell her?”
“Should we tell her... what?” Gary queried knowingly.
“That with the sun this low, it projects her perfect, unclothed silhouette on that cloth flap?”
“I’ll bet it would just make her scream. We’ll tell her later, when the screaming will be worthwhile. Like... next Halloween.”
Gordon snickered and changed the subject. “Are you planning on making the dive? I’ve got more experience.”
“You went motoring with her, I’ll go diving with her. Fair’s fair.”
“And here I thought you were completely unconcerned about me n’ Gadget.”
“I am not concerned.”
Gadget stepped back around the awning flap in a fresh swimsuit. This one was bright lime green with a full length zipper front and made of an exceptionally clingy materiel. She seemed puzzled by the logo emblazoned on the side.
“Newt Athletics,” she read. “Have they made mouse sizes very long? I don’t think I’ve heard of them.”
Gordon shrugged unhelpfully at his partner. “It’d take too long to explain,” Gary said.
* * *