A Heart is Just A Pump "PG-13" Version
A Heart Is Just A Pump
The PG-13 rated, hard, dark, bittersweet chocolate version
by Dave White
Story Editor - Melody Rondeau
Music by - Enya
Executive Producer - Ponsonby Britt, O.B.E.
There are no parallels in nature. The straightest redwood still turns toward
the sun. The facets of a crystal converge and diverge. Light itself bends in
obedience to gravity. Even the fabric of the universe curves upon itself. And
where there are no parallels, lines inevitably intersect, cross or run together.
At those places, there are points of potential and change. Potential is not
a certainty, and change is not unavoidable. There are some things that should
never change.
Dr. Culver J. Positron. Time Travel: It’s Potentials and Pitfalls.
The Heart has reasons that reason does not know.
“No thanks, I’m not thirsty.”
Gadget’s words kept coming back to haunt Chip every now and then, when certain things caused him to puzzle over his colleague’s conduct. Little things that added up to big suspicions. The way she came out unscathed from misadventures that left her friends with cuts, contusions, even broken bones. Her continuous off-putting of himself and Dale. Her mercurial emotions. Her almost unnatural affinity for machines. And always, the scent of oil.
“No thanks, I’m not thirsty.”
With those words, years ago, Gadget had turned down an oil can offered by Zipper. Chip knew. He had been there, trapped in a mechanical eagle talon that Gadget was trying to loosen. It couldn’t have been misidentification. The can was a domed “poka-poka” type, not a tin can. Even in her dizziest moments, Chip could not imagine her making such a mistake. Unless it wasn’t a mistake.
“No thanks, I’m not thirsty.”
It simply couldn’t be, Chip told himself. And yet...
He made up his mind. He would investigate this just like any other mystery, or he would never rid himself of the nagging doubt. He would prove there was nothing to his wild suspicions.
Or... He would prove that Gadget was a robot.
Chip insured that Gadget was busy with a difficult repair job on the RangerWing, then entered her workshop. He cast about for clues, of what sort he didn’t know. Just something that was out of place in a workshop, or that belonged in a kitchen, bedroom or surgery. He carefully searched high and low, on back shelves and atop cabinets. He examined piles of parts, some dusty from long storage. If Gadget were the progenitor of Mr. Data, there was no sign of it here.
Chip had nearly satisfied himself. There was nothing to his crazy speculation. Gadget had just made an out-of-context remark in a stressful situation. Nothing Monty or Dale or he, himself, hadn’t done. Perhaps she had just been trying to be funny.
Then he noticed the oil can. Not like the one that had raised his suspicions originally. This was a tiny can of Valvoline, repackaged for rodent use by Oklahoma oil field rats. Perfectly ordinary in Gadget’s workshop. Except this can had a plastic drinking straw sticking out of it.
Chip still didn’t buy it. She had probably just used the straw as a siphon, he surmised, in order to precisely place a drop of oil on some small part. He walked over to the bench to make sure, and picked up the can. He felt his stomach drop as he saw the end of the straw. It had been chewed on, the way Gadget always chewed a soft drink straw when she was thinking hard on some invention.
He found a cotton swab and pushed it carefully into the end of the straw, then withdrew it. It came out well coated in oil.
Chip stood there unmoving for a while as his mind collided with the implications of this discovery. Their caseload had been miniscule this winter. Gadget hadn’t been separated from the other Rangers in a month. No one could have substituted a mechanical double for Gadget. She was as she had always been. But who, or what, was that?
He grimly realized that there was one way, and only one way, to make certain. She had but one unguarded moment. It could mean the loss of her friendship. Or the loss of her, completely. But now, Chip knew too little and suspected too much. He decided that the truth was worth any price.
Chip made his way across the headquarters to a window overlooking the hanger. He could see Gadget closing up the panels on the RangerWing, her repairs completed. Chip knew her habits well enough to get ahead of her.
He slipped down the hallway to her bedroom door. Looking and listening to be sure no one was coming, he stepped into her room, closing the door firmly. He went straight to the linen closet and paused at it’s louvered door. On the towel rack next to the shower were fresh towels, which he knew Gadget always put out before starting to work so she would not have to reach into the linen closet with dirty hands. Chip entered the closet and shut the door tightly, then tipped one of the louvers in the door to afford a view of the bath.
A few moments later, he heard the door open and Gadget came into view, sighing with fatigue. She pulled the shower curtain part way closed and turned on the water, letting it steam the room. Chip watched Gadget give a languorous stretch and begin to remove her jumpsuit.
This is terribly wrong, Chip’s conscience shouted at him. His heart was racing, his pulse pounding in his ears. He told himself that this was not for his personal gratification, that he was not a Peeping Tom. He had legitimate suspicions. Yeah, surrre you do, his conscience mocked.
Gadget peeled off her underclothes. Gulp. Well, there was nothing obviously mechanical about Gadget. Far from it. VERY far from it. In fact, except for a couple of freckles, or birthmarks, that he could make out along the front of her rib cage, she was as flawles a creature as he had ever seen.
Once Gadget was in the shower, Chip considered sneaking out of her room. He had enough guilt in his belly already, enough sin upon his head. But the chance that she might reach out of the shower for something as he moved kept him rooted to the spot. Already, he was not sure he would be able to look Gadget in the eye again. If she actually found him here...
He heard the shower shut off, and the shower curtain drawn back. He tried to hold his resolve to not look again. However, the devil that whispered in his ear was more enticing and persuasive than a squadron of shouting angels. He looked. Double gulp.
He kept looking. He forced himself to breathe, but not gasp. With her fur matted flat, dripping wet, he could at last see clearly. What he had taken for two birthmarks along the front of her rib cage were perfectly circular and clearly inset. There couldn’t be any mistake. They were pushbuttons.
Now Chip’s eyes were very wide, his heart truly hammered his chest, not with excitement but with shock and fear. The location of the buttons was inspired. There was not a place on her body she could better protect. He guessed that they would not respond to a casual bump, but would have to be pushed firmly and forcefully. He stopped and shook his head. Now was not the time for analysis. He had to speak to Dale and Monty, whether they believed him or not. Especially Monty. Could he have known all along, or had he been taken in as well?
Chip saw Gadget wrap herself in a towel and leave the room. At once, he left the closet and closed the door, then went as fast as he dared toward the bedroom door. He heard soft footsteps behind him. Gadget was returning, and he knew he’d never get out the door unseen. Instantly, a plan burst into his panicked mind. He ran to the door and slammed it with the palm of his hand, making it sound as if he had just entered and slammed it shut. He reversed course and stormed back across the room.
“GADGET!” He roared. “Have you finally lost your last marble!?”
“CHIP! What are you doing!? I’m not dressed!” Gadget shrieked, clutching her towel.
“You’re worried about that?” Chip shouted as he closed the distance to Gadget. “You left an engine running on the RangerWing! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is!”
Gadget was stunned, as Chip hoped. “I couldn’t have! I pulled the master cut-offs!”
“Well, something’s gone haywire,” Chip said. He paced the last steps to where Gadget stood, throughly distracted by a mechanical impossibility. Chip had the advantage. His “mechanical” was throughly possible. He reached out with his right hand and poked two fingers into the front of her rib cage. He felt the button give, then click.
Gadget semed to freeze for an instant. She blinked once. Then: “I can calculate only a possibilty of .0018 percent that an electrical fault could cause an uncommanded start of the RangerWing engines. However, if accompanied by a failure of engine circuit insulators...”
Gadget appeared to be unaware that she had been touched, or that her demeanor had changed. She continued speaking in increasingly esoteric and technical terms. Chip had seen her like this when dealing with animals that had advanced educations. Gadget could hold her own with the brainiest, even if her friends couldn’t understand a word of it.
Somehow, Chip still couldn’t bring himself to believe it. He reached out and again pushed the button.
Gadget again hesitated for just a moment. Then: “Chip, you shouldn’t get yourself so worked up over these things. Look at how flushed you are. You should sit down and let me get you a cold drink. You’ll work yourself into an ulcer...”
Now, she sounded like the caring, nurturing Gadget that had seen them through injury and illness. This was a side of her that Chip knew well. Boldly now, he once again pushed the button.
Gadget fell briefly silent. Then: “Chip, you little devil.” she said coyly. “Barging in here when you know I’m not really ready for you yet.” She began backing him up across the room. “Of course, I am all wet, and practically naked, so maybe your timing is pretty good.”
She backed him against the bed and he fell across it. She siddled up next to him. “So,” she purred as her hand slid up his chest. “What’s your pleasure?”
This was not a Gadget Chip had ever suspected existed, much less encountered. He quickly found the button again.
“SO!” Gadget roared, her hand clamping on Chip’s throat. “Invade MY room, will you! Come in here thinking you’ll have your way with ME, do you? I’LL SHOW YOU!!”
She jumped up and picked him up off the bed, holding him off the floor with one hand, strangling him. “You don’t deserve to live, you scum!” she hissed.
Chip had seen Gadget blow her top before, but never turn murderous. The way she held him, he couldn’t reach the button on her left side. But he could reach the one on her right. He got his left hand in place and pushed for all he was worth. The button gave.
Instantly, Gadget collapsed. She and Chip hit the floor hard. Chip coughed and caught his breath. Gadget didn’t move from where she’d fallen. Her head lolled at an unnatural angle. Her eyes were half closed and still. Her chest didn’t rise. She wasn’t breathing.
Chip rolled her gently on to her back. He pressed his ear to her chest to check for a heartbeat. Then he recoiled, pushing himself away from her as fast as he could.
There was no heart! He had heard a soft mechanical whir. The sound of a pump motor.
Until this moment, Chip’s mind had been trying to rationalize all of this. Trying to make excuses for what he was perceiving. Now, his world crashed in on him. Someone he had given his trust and affection to, even his love; who an instant before he feared he had killed, had never been alive at all.
He stared at Gadget for long, agonizing seconds. What was he to do? Call for the others and destroy their lives as well? Call the authorities? Or follow the path of any murderer and hide the body.
Stop it! his reason commanded. You didn’t kill her if she was never alive. Start her up again.
Of course! It would have to work that way. He hoped. But which Gadget would he get if he started her again?
He couldn’t bear to see her looking dead, even if she wasn’t truly a living thing. With a deep breath, he reached forward, firmly pushed the right-side button and waited.
A moment later, her eyes fluttered. Then they opened wide. She slowly sat up, her expression as fearful as Chip’s. Neither of them made a move to get off the floor.
“Chip? Did I just faint?”
“No. I switched you off.”
Gadget winced at hearing this. “Do you know what you’re saying?”
“I know that you’re a mechanism. A robot copy of Gadget.”
“No, Chip. I’m Gadget. I’m the only Gadget that there has ever been. I’m not a copy of anyone.”
“How can this be?” Chip asked desperately. “Why?”
“My parents never had the chance to have children. Have you ever heard of Worthing’s of London?”
“The big engineering company?”
“Yes. My Dad knew their family. They built me. They upgraded me for years. Only Dad knew, and no one has ever suspected, until now. How did you guess?”
“The straw in the oil can,” Chip lied. “Your mood swings, you never get sick...”
She shook her head sadly. “I knew it was a risk moving in here, especially under the same roof with a top detective. But I was so lonely...”
“Gadget, how can a machine be lonely?”
“I was made to be a daughter, as life-like as possible. I have emotions, real emotions. But no one had a computer central processor unit that could manage an entire personality. I’ve always had to switch between personalities and emotional states. Sometimes I switched by accident. Those were the mood swings you noticed.”
She tried to move closer to him, but he scooted away. “Today,” she continued, “there are finally CPU’s that can hold my entire personalty range with room to spare. But I’ve lost my contacts at Worthing’s, and I can’t perform the upgrade on myself. Now, though, everything’s going to be all right.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can let you perform the upgrade, once I’m certain I can trust you. I can’t allow anyone to know of my existence unless I trust them completely. It was Dad’s safety device to keep me from falling into the wrong hands.”
“Are you saying you don’t trust me?”
“Chip, I would be allowing something far more intimate than you can imagine. I’d be trusting you with my mind. With my very soul.”
“Gadget, you are a machine!” Chip said forcefully, trying as much to convince himself as emphasize the fact to her. “You can’t have a soul!”
“I don’t believe that. Neither do you. Do you think for an instant that all the time we’ve been together, all the fun we’ve had, all the wonderful moments we’ve shared, that you were in the company of an empty pile of parts? I have my own soul, my own spirit. I am alive by any definition that really means anything.”
Chip’s mind was reeling. He so wanted her to be Gadget. He realized his knowledge could not be unlearned, but perhaps he could pretend just a little longer.
“All right, Gadget. What will it take for you to trust me?”
“There’s only one way I can be truly safe. Marry me, Chip.”
“WHAT!! I can’t do that! You’re...”
“I’m Gadget. You’re the only one that ever has to know what I am.” She slid closer to him. This time he didn’t move. “I can be a good wife to you, Chip. I can do anything a flesh-and-blood wife can do. Probably better.”
“Gadget, you can’t ask me to do that. You’re not alive. You could... you could never have children.”
“Yes I could. I can clone them from your DNA and incubate a child inside my own body.” Her voice turned soft and seductive. “And you’d be so surprised how I get that DNA sample. You see, I can push my own buttons, Chip,”
“You’re not helping matters like that,” Chip warned.
“I can even build replicas of myself and you. And upgrade them so that they seem to grow. Perfect children, Chip.”
“NO! Gadget, you can’t be serious!”
“Chip, there’s no other way. If you don’t agree to let me make you the happiest chipmunk on earth, I’ll have to self-destruct. Right now.”
“You mean, like shutting off?” he said hopefully.
“I mean like detonating. I’ll wipe out most of the park. So this is life or death for us both, Chip. You have to choose. Life or death.”
Chip felt his blood drain to his toes. Here was his long-time dream, Gadget as his bride, turned nightmare. It wasn’t life or death. It was just plain death, no matter which way he chose.
Gadget’s face lost all expression. “Destruct sequence activated. Thirty seconds...twenty-nine...twenty-eight...twenty-seven...”
“NO! DON’T DO IT! I’LL... I’LL MARRY YOU!”
Gadget stopped counting, but her expression remained blank.
“Did you hear me? I said I’ll marry you, if that’s what it takes.”
Gadget’s eyes focused again. Her expression changed from emptiness to apprehension. Chip wasn’t sure which was worse.
“Do you mean that?” She said, her voice uncertain. “You’ll really marry me and help me with... what has to be done?”
“Yes, Gadget. Whatever it is you need of me, I’ll help you. I promise.”
“How are we going to do this?”
Planning was Chip’s forté. He considered his options for just a few moments.
“We’ll go ahead right away. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, so it’ll just look like we’re being impetuously romantic. We’ll tell the others and contact the Justice of the Peace.”
“So quickly?”
“You don’t have any family to notify, and mine will just have to accept it. There isn’t any reason to wait, is there?”
“No. I suppose there isn’t. It’s just all so sudden.”
“I guess that’s life, Gadget.” Chip let out a deep breath. He was committed. “You go ahead and get dressed. I’ll round up the others in the front room.”
He rolled to his feet and held out his hands to help her up. She wouldn’t meet his eyes, and the reason wasn’t her state of dress.
“This isn’t the way I wanted it, Chip. I always hoped...”
“I know. I hoped for something else, too. But this is what we have.”
* * *
The Rescue Rangers assembled as Chip requested. There was puzzlement mixed with their anticipation. An emergency would have been met with shouts, and there had been no calls or visits which could have brought other news. It made Chip’s announcement a more powerful thunderbolt.
“Friends,” Chip said. “Well... Gadget and I have decided to get married. Tomorrow.”
The explosion of sheer joy from their friends washed over the betrothed like a sea wave over rocks. Dale spun his longtime partner around in a bear hug. Foxglove squealed in delight and enveloped Gadget in a winged embrace that left only her goggles visible. Zipper went into a stint of ecstatic aerobatics that would have won him a slot with the Thunderbirds. And Monterey Jack let out a hearty Santa Claus laugh.
“I’ll just bet,” Monty said, “that you haven’t given a thought to a honeymoon suite.”
“Well,” Chip began, “I just thought...”
“You’re not coming back to work,” Monty said decisively. “I know a bonzo bed and breakfast in Mendocino. You can fly up there in a few hours. Just leave it all to me.”
“Dale,” Chip said, “I hope you’ll be best man?”
“Try and stop me, ol’ buddy!” Dale said as he pounded Chip’s back.
“Foxglove,” Gadget said softly. “Would you be my maid of honor?”
“Of course! Oh, Gadget, it’s wonderful! You’re going to be so happy together!”
Gadget turned to Monty. “Would you give away the bride?”
“It’s going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I’ll do it, Luv.”
“Monty, we’re not going to leave the Rescue Rangers.”
“But you’ll have someone else to turn to when you’re troubled. And that’s as it should be. But I’m going to miss you, Luv.”
* * *
Unlike most any other Rescue Ranger’s event, the next day’s wedding came off perfectly. Gadget appeared in a simple floor length white dress and Chip in his tuxedo. They recited their vows and exchanged rings in a brief but warm ceremony. The reception was little more than a quickly acquired cheesecake and fruit punch for a toast. Even wedding gifts would have to wait until after the honeymoon. The newlyweds fled to the RangerPlane in a shower of birdseed and lifted off for the flight north. Dale and Foxglove waved briskly as the plane flew out of sight.
“Dale,” Foxglove said tentatively. “Didn’t they seem a little too solemn for a wedding?”
“Foxy, I know what you’re thinkin’. If we’re godparents in September, we’ll know for sure.”
* * *
Chip and Gadget passed the flight with hardly a word between them. They landed late in the day at the Tanglecrest Lodge, a series of well concealed treehouses that had served the animal kingdom’s vacationers for many years. Room service brought a light meal, courtesy of Monty. The honeymooners picked silently at their food until Chip excused himself for a breath of air. He stayed on the veranda as the sunset ran through it’s full pallet of colors, and found himself wishing Gadget were with him to see it. As the first stars assumed their posts, he went to find her.
Gadget sat at a table in their room, still in her wedding dress. She had laid out several tools and a hand-drawn electronic layout. A lamp with the shade removed provided bright, harsh light. Chip walked up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. She didn’t look around.
“What do I have to do?” Chip asked quietly.
“You have to change the central processor inside my head. This drawing shows what you should see and which board to remove.” She indicated a small featureless cylinder on the table. “This is the key for the magnetic locks. They’re in four places, about where I always wear my goggles. You’ll have to turn this part of my head a quarter-turn to open it. It’s left-hand thread, so turn it as if you were going to tighten it.”
Now, she pointed to a circuit board resting on bubble wrap. “This is the new processor. It only fits in one way. You have to release a pair of locks to take out the old one. If they stick, use the screwdriver. Once the new board is in and locked, just close the hatch and push the start button.”
Gadget swallowed hard. Chip knew her well enough to tell she was deeply frightened. “If you change your mind, I won’t feel anything. I’ll simply never know. Just give me a moment to rest my head.”
She put her head down on her folded arms. Under her breath, barely audible, Chip heard her whisper, “Please, please let me wake up.”
The words were like a knife through Chip’s chest. She hadn’t meant for him to hear her. It wasn’t a request. It was a prayer. The prayer of someone trapped in a nightmare. He brushed his hand through her hair and down her cheek. She caught his hand and guided it to the hidden pushbutton. Then she put her arm back under her head, closed her eyes and nodded to him. Chip pushed the button firmly. It appeared nothing had changed. She might have just fallen asleep at the table, except she wasn’t breathing.
Chip snagged the magnetic key at once. He applied it to four spots on Gadget’s head, and at each he heard a soft click. Then he took hold of the back of her head and turned it clockwise. It moved with a sickeningly smooth twist and popped slightly upward. Chip let go and the hatch opened itself, revealing a densely packed electronic marvel within Gadget’s skull.
Once, Chip had asked a rodent veterinarian how he could cut open other animals, even to help them. He had said, “You deal with the parts, not the person.” Chip now steeled himself to ignore her motionless white clothed body, the gentle sleeping face, and deal only with the parts.
He consulted the schematic and located the correct board. The safety clamps yielded to finger pressure. Then he used both thumbs and index fingers to gently wiggle the board out of its slot and set it on the table.
Chip stopped dead from the enormity of what was taking place. There were two processor boards on the table. One with a bulky black main device and five smaller ones, the other with a single slim gray square that nearly took up the whole board. This is Gadget, he thought. Or are there two Gadgets now? Or none at all? Is she dead if I walk away? Or smash these with a hammer? Can she die? Can she truly live?
He didn’t like where this was leading, but he couldn’t stop the locomotive of his own thoughts. She said she had a soul. How can she know? How can I know? How could she ever prove it to me?
Then he realized that his own question was the answer. And there was only one creature on Earth he could tell the answer to.
He carefully touched the edge of her skull, to ground himself, and picked up the new circuit board. He fitted it in place and pushed on it. Then he took it out and turned it around, thankfull it only fit one way. The board slid into place and he pushed on it four or five times to make doggone sure it was in solidly. Then he snapped the safety clamps in place and gave the hatch a push. The cover closed itself, emitting a puff of air as it closed to chase out any stray wisps of her hair. Sheer genius, he thought. He gave the hatch a firm counter-clockwise twist and heard four distinct clicks as the locks set. Then he thought back over every step he had taken. Have I forgotten anything? As near as he could tell, he hadn’t. He slipped his hand around Gadget’s side, found the start button and pressed it hard.
It took longer than previously for Gadget to start breathing. Once she opened her eyes, she gave a single deep sob of relief. She lifted her head and turned, searching for Chip and finding him kneeling beside her.
“Tell me who I am,” she asked.
“You’re Gadget. Gadget Hackwrench,” Chip said, concerned. “Don’t you remember?”
“Just checking,” she answered. “You’re Chip.”
“Right.”
“And we’re Rescue Rangers.”
“Yes.”
“And... did we get married this afternoon?”
“Yes, Gadget. We did.”
She turned away from him, shamefaced. “I know this was a shotgun wedding. I blackmailed you for my own purposes. I won’t hold you to your vows, Chip. You don’t have to keep me as your wife. If you want, I’ll just disappear. You can blame everything on me.”
Chip smiled and gently turned her face toward him. “Gadget, you won my heart a long time ago. I gave you my promise knowing full well who you were. Wha... where you came from. And I learned something very important today. I can’t prove that I have a soul. I believe it, but I can’t prove it, even to myself. It’s a matter of faith. And if you believe in your own soul, what right do I have to doubt your faith? Our spirits aren’t what they are because they reside in synapses or circuitry. If my soul is something bigger than my brain can hold, I guess yours is, too.”
She threw her arms around him and squeezed him tightly. “Oh, Chip, I love you! Even if I don’t have a heart to give like yours, even if you can’t believe me, you’ll have my love always.”
He slipped out of her embrace just enough to see her shining eyes. “Gadget, a heart is just a pump, whether it’s flesh or metal or marshmallow filled chocolate. Just like our souls, or our hearts, our love is something more than a part of our bodies.” He tapped his wedding ring against hers. “It’s something that endures.”
“I want the rest of this night to be special,” she said. “No! I want it to be normal! I mean a normal kind of special! The kind of special a normally special honeymoon night is especially supposed to be...”
Chip kissed her into silence. A kiss that said all that would ever need to be said. Normal, special or otherwise.
“Why don’t you just go and change?”
Gadget caught her breath and stepped back. Chip watched as his genuinely blushing bride shyly sliped away to the bathroom.
He lit a few candles and turned out the lights. Then threw his jacket and shirt carelessly into the corner. He considered his nightshirt for just a moment. Not this night, he thought. He pulled the bedcovers down and tossed himself on the mattress, bouncing the bed and hearing a welcome, softly squeaking spring. He laid back on the pillow.
Caring and love. Faith and belief. Soul and spirit. And trust. Above all, trust. Chip smiled and made his fateful decision. In a few months, things would settle down, and he could begin to leave subtle, curious clues here and there. Gadget was intelligent and observant and soon enough, he would let her discover his secret.
THE END
COPYRIGHTS AND DISCLAIMERS: Gadget, Chip, Dale, Monterey Jack, Zipper,
and the Rescue Rangers are © and T.M. The Walt Disney Company and were
employed without permision and, in this instance, all portrayed by audio-animatronic
duplicates.
All other characters, locations, equipment and situations are © 2001 by David D. White, and imitated by robotic dopplegangers from Worthing Engineering Ltd. Permission to copy and re-distribute without charge is granted, provided the work is not altered, edited, replaced by mechanical doubles, or otherwise fiddled with.