Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy
By Cyber Daimyo
Final Episode and Epilogue
Gadget Hackwrench: Welcome to Celebrity Jeopardy: Rock and Roll Edition, where some of today's biggest musics are competing for their favorite charities. Let's meet the contestants: Monterey Jack Colby of The Australian Enforcers Band. Monty, welcome to the show.
Monterey Jack Colby: [ in squeaky voice ] I am glad to be here.
Gadget Hackwrench: Fantastic. Next up, Chinese sensation Su Lin.
Su Lin: When I look at my hands, they remind me of these two Hun soldiers that make me laugh.
Gadget Hackwrench: Beautiful. And our final contestant on Celebrity Rock and Roll Jeopardy... Mepps.
Mepps: We meet again, you mechanized super brain taisho! I cut an album of filthy dorks just so I'd be eligible: "There once was a girl named Dorkwrench, who had the most tiniest..."
Gadget Hackwrench: Enough. Let's just get this over with. Here are the categories, they are: Potent Potables, Countries Between Mexico and Canada, Members of Simon and Garfunkel, I Have a Chardonnay - you choose this category, you automatically get the points and I get to have a glass of soda. Things You Do With a Pencil Sharpener, Tie Your Shoe, and finally, Toast. Mepps, you select first.
Mepps: That's a nice jumpsuit you're wearing, Gadget.
Gadget Hackwrench: [ bows down to Mepps ] Why, thank you.
Mepps: Is that wool? Must have been expensive.
Gadget Hackwrench: No, actually, it was quite reasonable.
Mepps: Really? Where did you get it?
Gadget Hackwrench: At a place called TJ Maxx, about two blocks away from here.
Mepps: TJ Maxx? I'll have to check it out.
Gadget Hackwrench: Well, you should. Ask for Michael. Tell him that I sent you.
Mepps: I'll do that. That sure is a nice jumpsuit. Just one more question...
Gadget Hackwrench: What is it, Mepps?
Mepps: Do they make them for girls like you?
Gadget Hackwrench: Let's just go with Toast for $600. And the answer is, "This is the thing that becomes toast." [ Colby buzzes in ] Monterey Jack Colby?
Monterey Jack Colby: What?
Gadget Hackwrench: Did you ring in?
Monterey Jack Colby: [ singing while drumming on his podium ] I did it, guilty as charged.
Gadget Hackwrench: Do you have an answer?
Monterey Jack Colby: No. No, I don't.
Gadget Hackwrench: [ Su Lin buzzes in ] Su Lin, this is the only thing that becomes toast.
Su Lin: Everything is music. When I go home, I'll dance to the beat of Kanbei and the Yellow Comet Band in the kitchen which is music. Crash, boom, bang! [ makes indistinct noises ] [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Wow. The answer, of course, was bread. Let's go to "Members of Simon and Garfunkel" for $200. "Of Simon and Garfunkel, the one that is not Garfunkel." [ Su Lin buzzes in ] Su Lin?
Su Lin: Sometimes when I'm putting rice in the microwave, I think of my thoughts and they make me laugh. [ buzzer ] No?
Gadget Hackwrench: Are you Chinese or just a major imbecile? [ Mepps buzzes in ] Mepps?
Mepps: Can you repeat the question?
Gadget Hackwrench: "Of Simon and Garfunkel, the one that is not Garfunkel."
Mepps: I muffled your mother. [ starts laughing ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Come on. [ Colby buzzes in ] Monterey Jack Colby?
[ Cheddarhead Charlie enters and plays the intro to the Australian Enforcers' "Ants Marching." ]
Monterey Jack Colby: [ singing ] "He wakes up in the morning, does his teeth, bite to eat, and he's rolling..." [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Wrong.
[ Cheddarhead Charlie whispers in Colby's ear ]
Monterey Jack Colby: I'm sorry, what is -
[ Cheddarhead Charlie resumes playing "Ants Marching" ]
Monterey Jack Colby: [ singing ] "He wakes up in the morning..." [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: [ Su Lin buzzes in ] Su Lin?
Su Lin: This buzzer is musical. Everything is musical. [ starts playing with the buzzers and makes indistinct noises ]
Gadget Hackwrench: And... shut it! Mepps, still your board.
Mepps: I'll take "I Have a Dog Day" for $600.
[ close-up to board, the category "I Have a Chardonnay" is edited to read "I Have a Dog Day." ]
Gadget Hackwrench: I don't believe this. Where did you get that magic marker? We frisked you in on the way in here.
Mepps: I didn't have it in my pocket.
Gadget Hackwrench: That's disgusting. Please.
Mepps: I bet if you scanned me with your object detector wand, you would have found it.
Gadget Hackwrench: All right, that's enough.
Mepps: Because I was keeping it in my mouth.
Gadget Hackwrench: Okay. We get it. Loud and clear: we get it. It's time for Final Jeopardy...
[ Alex Trebek enters ]
Alex Trebek: And so this was Final Jeopardy. And what a ride it has been, from Mole to Desiree Delure, but boy, oh boy, those celebrities did not know the right answers to any of your questions.
Gadget Hackwrench: No, they did not. They were very stupid.
Alex Trebek: You got that right.
Mepps: Well, well, Alex and Gadget sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. I feel like I'm a priest who told Alex to kiss the bride.
Alex Trebek: Back off, Mepps. I don't have to take that from you.
Mepps: I guess it's true, an unmarried couple might start to look alike.
Gadget Hackwrench: Okay, please. From all of us to all of you, good night.
Alex Trebek: Good night.
[ All of the characters on stage waves goodbye to us ]
Epilogue:
In the year 1996, the SNL Celebrity Jeopardy series began airing on TV, starring Will Ferrel as Alex Trebek. Some of the famous SNL actors like Darrell Hammond, Norman McDonald, and Molly Shannon, played as the roles of the actual celebrities like Burt Reynolds and the former 007 actor, Sean Connery.
Darrel Hammond, who played the role of Sean Connery, was probably the number one-ranked comedian, who gave Will Ferrel, the voice of Alex Trebek, a very big hard time in all SNL Celebrity Jeopardy episodes, except for the 2nd and 3rd Celebrity jeopardy episodes.
From 1996 to 2002, SNL kept on making those funny Celebrity Jeopardy Episodes that kept everybody laughing their head off. There were a total of 12 SNL Celebrity Jeopardy episodes in all.
Later, in March of 2003, legendary Rescue Rangers fan, Alan James "Cyber Daimyo" Hostetter, began developing the 12 Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy Episodes that were actually parodies of the 12 SNL Celebrity Jeopardy Episodes that kept everyone at the Acorn Cafe laughing. So this is the story of Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy.
THE END!!!