By: Chip Chap
Chip paced quietly outside Gadget’s workshop. In his hand was one item and on his mind was one thought...what if she doesn’t agree? He shook the question out of his head and allowed an answer to fill its place. “Of course she will agree. I mean, there’s no reason to think she won’t, and even a refusal is better than no answer at all.” The chipmunk stopped his pacing, stood up straight and faced the door. “I have let this go on long enough.” Chip knocked three times on the door and asked “Gadget, is it all right if I come in?”
“Sure Chip, come right in.” As he entered the room he noticed the numerous gizmos, thingamajigs, whatnots, and doodads that littered the workbench and a few blueprints for them on the drawing table at which Gadget herself sat. “Did you bring me that red diode I asked for?”
“Um, yeah, here it is.” Chip quickly handed over the requested component.
“Golly, now I can replace that warning light on my surge protector.” Gadget swiftly ran over to her workbench and began fitting the diode into place. Chip remembering the matter which had resolved to put forward.
“Gadget, I need to talk to you.” Gadget however was busy fitting the casing back in place.
“Could it wait just a second? No make that half a sec, or maybe just forget it because I'm already finished. I mean you don’t have to forget what you were about to say or anything it’s just that...”
“Gadget, it’s important.” This caught her attention.
“Golly, is there another case?”
Chip shook his head before responding, “No, It’s about us.”
Gadget‘s face took on a look of concern “The Rescue Rangers?”
“Well, in a way.” Chip turned his head away slightly as if ashamed of what he was about to say. “Gadget, we’ve worked along side each other for quite some time now and, well, we both know that it is a constant responsability.”
Gadget nodded at this and realized that most of their cases had occurred when they were technically on vacation. “I know that.”
“I’ve always wanted to help others, Gadget. I want to make up for the things I've done when I was younger.” Chip winced as he spoke those words but quickly continued on. “But, I want more out of life Gadget. I want to be able to do things I couldn’t do in a hazardous job like this.”
Gadget looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that as much as I enjoy being a Rescue Ranger, I feel that I need a break from it.”
Gadget pondered this for a moment and replied “Golly that sounds good. We could all use a break now and then.”
This is going to be harder than I thought, Chip thought to himself. “What I mean is more than just a temporary leave, Gadget.”
“Like a year long vacation?”
“Like a permanent vacation.”
Gadget thought for a moment. “Golly Chip, that doesn’t make very much sense if you take a permanent vacation from your job then...you.” Gadget stopped and looked into Chips eyes.
“Gadget, I wouldn't trade my years as a Rescue Ranger for anything in the world. But there are things that I want to do that I just can’t do as a Ranger.”
Gadget considered his words carefully. “You want to quit the Rescue Rangers? But...butt...you CAN’T do that Chip! You’re the leader, you’re the one who keeps everyone together you...”
Chip held up his hand and “Gadget, don’t worry. I’m not going to walk out just yet. I want to at least make sure that things are ready before I quit altogether.”
“But Chip, you don’t have to leave! We need you! What can’t you do as a Ranger that you want?”
Chip thought carefully before answering, “Raise a family, be a normal chipmunk, perhaps live out my senior years in peace.”
This response surprised Gadget “Golly, that makes sense. I guess I can’t...wait a minute. I’ve got the remains of Nimnuls Fog-E ray in the basement, if I could just find out how to repair it then...”
“No! I mean that's very thoughtful of you Gadget but I don’t think that could really help. Besides even if we all used it to remain young forever, what would that accomplish? As tempting as the idea is I think it would be best if we just get some younger members.”
Gadget thought for a moment, “Younger members?”
“Right, I know Tammy has always wanted to help out and Foxglove has helped us on more than one occasion, so I figured that if we could set up a sort of Recruited Ranger group.”
“Recruited Rangers?” Gadget said rather taken aback by the idea.
“Of course, we’ll keep solving crimes but we’ll be sure to bring along some trainees so that they can get some experience. That way no matter what happens there will always be someone that people can go to.”
Gadget considered this, “Golly, that sounds like a good idea. How do the others feel about this, Chip?”
“Both Dale and Monty agree that it would be a good idea.” Chip frowned slightly and replied “Zipper just mumbled something about my hat twisting more than just my ears.”
“Well, Golly, I think it’s cute the way that your ears move to the sides of your head when you put your hat on.”
“Um, yeah.” Chip felt the conversation slipping away. “I’m
just glad that you think it’s a good idea.”
“Well, I’m sure this is going to work out just fine. But what about when there aren't any cases.”
Chip considered this and suddenly felt rather silly, “Well I’ve thought about that and I think that I might not be the best person to do he training.”
This bit of news caught Gadget by surprise, “Gee, Why not?”
Chip sighed a little, “Well I know I’m great at handling emergency situations but I don‘t think I could work as a coach or a teacher.”
“Golly, that makes sense. So you want to train a new generation of crime fighters to protect the city from evil and you want the training to be done by someone else who has lots of people skills.” Gadget juggled the thought in her mind for a second and came to the inevitable conclusion. “Um, Chip who did you put in charge of that.”
As if in answer a loud crash was heard in the main room. Chip quickly ran out of the workshop and was followed a moment later by Gadget. In front of them, Tammy, Foxglove, Midge, Myron and an orange kitten Gadget immediately recognized as Spunky entered the room. In the middle of the room rested a large ladder and a banner under which lay a struggling chipmunk who had evidently fallen while attempting to hang it up. Gadget looked at the words written on the banner and frankly couldn’t believe her eyes. After Dale freed himself from the banner and began addressing his charge, Chip answered Gadgets question in he only way that seemed truly fitting.
“It’s”
DALE AND FOXGLOVE’S FLYING SENTRIES
The Thug Fighting 101 Sketch
Tammy, Foxglove, Myron, Midge and Spunky stand lined up in the Ranger’s exercise room. Most of the equipment has been moved to the side to make room for the days lesson. Dale paced in front of them all like a drill instructor.
Dale: Okay then, I trust you’ve all been studying up for the big test today.
Trainees (in unison): Yes, sir!
Dale turned his back to the group and stood deep in thought.
Dale: Well then, I suppose you’re ready.
The chipmunk suddenly spun around and faced the group.
Dale: What do you do if an evil mastermind locks you all in a building and says that the only way for you to escape is to pass a series of disturbingly personalized traps and puzzles?!
The group thought for a moment until Tammy spoke up.
Tammy: What kind of puzzles are they?
Dale: Well, suppose he separates you from the group and tells you that unless you lead your teammates into a trap he would kill Chip. Would you do what he says to save Chip? Would you believe that he even has Chip? Would you refuse and trust that Chip can help himself? The sort of ominous stuff that digs up dark secrets from your past and builds character.
The group gets lost in thought a second time then respond.
Midge: I would go through the puzzles and solve them all to escape.
Myron: I would just stay put until someone rescues us.
Tammy: I would look for some way to escape without messing around with those weird traps.
Foxglove: I would track down that evil guy and make him pay for being so mean!
Spunky: Since only an animal criminal bent on revenge would go through the trouble of capturing us and setting up those traps, and anything bigger than a rat would have just eaten or otherwise killed the others. I’d amuse myself with some yarn until the bad guy runs in to complain about my lack of concern, at which point I’d eat him and escape at my leisure.
The others look at Spunky with a look of concern.
Myron: Um, I don’t think you’re supposed to kill anyone.
Spunky (defensively): Hey, without predators like me the rodent population would increase beyond the environments ability to sustain it. Thousands would starve and disease would become rampant. I’d like o see you guys solve that problem without killing anyone.
Everyone quietly reflects on the wisdom of Spunkys words.
Tammy (Shaking the thought from her head): Hey! How come you’re being so talkative all of a sudden?
Spunky: I’m just letting you know that cats aren't just mindless killing machines or greedy megalomaniacs. I’m an important part of the food chain and I am not going be ashamed of my heritage or my natural inclinations. Of course that doesn’t mean...
Tammy (interrupting): You’re doing it again! You’re turning this whole sketch into a lecture on the importance of environmental limiters...
Midge: And the evil of racism.
Foxglove (correcting): That’s Speciesism.
Tammy (continuing): Right, this started out as a perfectly good sketch about fighting crime and then you...
Tammy stops lecturing Spunky and turns to Foxglove.
Tammy: Speciesism?!
Foxglove: Yeah.
Tammy: But that's not even a word!
Foxglove: Of course it is! Spunky’s upset because people form opinions of him based purely on his species, that’s speciesism.
Midge: I thought it was racism...
Spunky: Actually it would be racism. Since we are anthropomorphized characters, our adventures would actually be used to teach important life lessons to others. My species is actually a metaphor for the socioeconomic status of a specified social group, namely...
Tammy: You’re doing it again! You’re showing knowledge way beyond your years. You’re a kitten and you’re throwing out words that nobody uses in everyday speech!
Spunky: That because I was a owned by an English professor in a previous life.
The room fell silent.
Tammy: YOUR PREVIOUS LIFE??!!!
Spunky (defensively): Cats have nine lives you know.
Myron: Which one are you on now?
Spunky: Either my fifth or sixth, I kind of half-remember getting eaten by a German shepherd as a kitten but it might have been a nightmare...
Foxglove: Heeey. (looks at Spunky accusingly) You’re a Mary Sue character!
Spunky (defensively): What? Just because my heritage grants me a few natural advantages over you I’m automatically labeled as an anomaly?
Foxglove (inquisitively): No, I’m saying that because Dale left just after you said something about the food chain and nobody noticed.
Spunky, Tammy, Myron, and Midge scan the room and find that Dale is indeed missing.
Tammy (glaring at Spunky): Look, now Dale’s gone thanks to you!
Spunky (sarcastically): Oh yeah. One chipmunk disappears without a trace and you blame the cat. Real original there Tammy.
Myron: That’s it, from now on I’m using ipecac aftershave.
Spunky: I’ve been talking the whole time! I would never talk with my mouth full and...oh never mind. I’m going to find where Dale ran off to.
Dale enters through the door.
Dale: Hey guys, lunch is ready. I just wanted to help Gadget with the sandwiches.
Midge: What? It’s lunch time already?
Dale: Yeah, we’re having peanut butter and banana sandwiches with cream of cheese, that sound okay?
Tammy, Midge, Myron, and Foxglove all nod in agreement.
Spunky (making a sour expression): No thanks, I think I’ll go eat outside.
The group go to the dining room except for Spunky who leaves the HQ. They join up with Chip, Gadget and Monty at a large square table made from a board supported by four empty spools of thread and begin eating.
Monty: Well, Dale me lad how's the training thing going?
Dale: Great, I think everybody’s making great progress.
Tammy: Well, I don’t know about Spunky, he seems weird.
Gadget: Oh, I wouldn’t say that. Sure he may be different than us. Well, more different than our normal range of differences. But, I think he’s a pretty good person all together.
Monty: Too right, Gadget luv. Granted, I was a bit wary of him to begin with but once I got know the lad, I realized he’s right decent fella.
Dale: I’ll say, he’s always helping me gather nuts and he’s fun to play around.
Chip: Yeah, I think that ever since Spunky started hanging around, our job has gotten a lot easier.
Dale: Yeah, no more master criminals sneaking in and filling the tree with knock-out gas.
Monty: And not nearly so many weirdoes showing up and offering to join our group.
Gadget (thoughtfully): Golly, I don’t think very many people have come to us asking for help since Spunky got here.
Chip, Monty, and Tammy simultaneously freeze and consider what Gadget just said.
Chip: Um. I’m just going to go check on something for a sec.
Tammy: I think I’ll come with you.
Monty: Me too, Mate!
Monty, Tammy and Chip leave the table. The others quickly finish their meal.
Gadget: Well, anybody up for dessert?
Myron: After lunch?
Gadget: Well Chip offered to make lunch, and since it’s technically my turn to cook I figured I’d at least make something.
Gadget gets up, pulls a cake-like object from the fridge, places it on the table, and begins serving out portions to everyone. Midge and Myron are concerned when they notice bits of pepperoni, onions, chocolate, anchovies, and unshelled sunflower seeds mixed into it.
Midge (looking curiously at the conglomeration on his plate): Um, now what?
Dale: And now for something completely different...
--------------------------
The Gadget’s cooking song
Sung to the tune of the Oogie Boogie Song.
Gadget: Well well well, look what I found.
Some WD-40, hope there’s enough to go around.
How does the cake taste, everybody?
Midge: It’s squishy.
Myron: It’s crunchy.
Dale: I can’t believe my eyes!
Midge: It cannot be...
Myron: It’s scaring me!
Gadget: I call it chef’s surprise.
Dale: It’s tangy.
Midge: It’s tasteless.
Myron: There must be some mistake.
Gadget: It used to be a soup but then it turned into a cake.
Dale: When Gadget Hackwrench says that she is cooking up a meal.
You’d be smart to start running, no matter how you feel.
And if you aren’t shaking, there is something very wrong.
Because nobody wants to hear the Gadget’s cooking song.
Midge: Uh Oh!
Myron: Uh Oh!
Dale: Uh Oh!
Gadget: Mmmmmmmm!
Myron: Oh No!
Dale: Oh No!
Midge: Oh, I do not like chef surprise.
Gadget: Now I’m usually in my workshop, busy making something good.
Welding metal, cutting glass or sawing up some wood.
But just like everybody else, I have to do my share.
Of cooking in the kitchen, you know it’s only fair.
Midge: Uh Oh!
Myron: Oh No!
Dale: Uh Oh!
Myron: Oooooh!
Midge: Oh No!
Dale: Oh No!
Midge and Dale: Oh, I think Myron needs some help.
Myron: Sorry but I have to go, not that anything's wrong.
It’s just I used the sink a bit ago and left the water on.
Gadget: Oh Don’t worry, that’s nothing. I fixed that long ago.
The water shuts itself off quick so there’s no need to go.
Now help me... start cleaning, and put this food away.
So I can heat it up again and serve it another day.
Midge: You’ll cook this up again?
Gadget: Yeah, just like I always do.
[Dale and Midge start to clear the table while Gadget puts the leftovers in the fridge and Myron makes his escape. Then Gadget pulls a lever and a series of laser-guided mechanical arms pop out of concealed doors and begin grabbing dishes and hauling them to the sink. Steam fills the kitchen area, transforming the kitchen into what looks like a nightmarish disco hall. Gadget stands in admiration of her latest mechanical creation, the mechanical arms are scrubbing, stacking and sorting things like some monstrous spider gone berserk, Midge and Dale cower in the corner safely away from the mechanized conglomeration.]
Gadget: Oh, building stuff from broken bits is what I like doing best.
Because, only a true mechanic can pass such a stringent test.
That’s how I cook, I hope you know, reusing more and more.
Don’t worry about the taste, that's what immune systems are for.
Dale: Don’t cook so much, I’ll have you know.
It PAINS me to see talent wasted so.
Gadget: Oh Golly, how thoughtful! I just don’t know what to say.
Don’t worry, I‘ll fix up something to cook food every day.
Delicious! Delightful! That’s how it’s going to be.
Because I am Gadget Hackwrench, and there’s NOTHING too tough for me!
------------------
Finished with their task, the mechanical arms return to their housings and special fans suck the steam out. Chip, Monty, Zipper, and Tammy enter the conference room and sit on the couch.
Chip: This is embarrassing, I really should have taken Spunky’s eating habits into consideration when I let him stay in the park.
Monty: Oh, don’t worry about it mate. Now that we got things straightened out I’m sure things will work out fine.
Chip: What really gets my goat is that Zipper has been hanging around Spunky for the last week and I didn’t notice it.
Tammy (looking at Zipper accusingly): I just can’t believe that you knew about this and didn’t tell anyone.
Zipper: Bzzz buzzz Squeak buzz! [Sheesh, a bunch of people get killed right outside your door without your knowledge and you take it out on the guy with an accent, real original there Tammy!]
Monty: Oh well, all’s well that ends well I guess.
Chip: Some comfort that is, Monty. I bet real policemen don’t have to worry about this sort of thing.
Tammy: Well, it could be worse.
Chip: Just how could it get worse.
Tammy: Spunky could get mouse attacks.
Monty: Too right, if Spunky got mouse attacks it would be a real Cat-astrophe.
Tammy and Monterey laugh as the episode ends.
The End
Chip n’ Dales Rescue Rangers copyright Disney.
Monty Pythons flying circus copyright the BBC.
The Oogie Boogie song also copyright Disney.