Top Cat vs. Fat Cat
By 8-Bit Star
Authors note: Another idea that randomly came into my head. I began
watching
the old Hanna-Barberra toon "Top Cat" on Boomerang about three
days ago, and surprisingly I found it to be great.
Well, TC is hardly a goody-good, so I started, in my mind,
comparing him to Fat Cat, thinking of a situation where both
of them are trying to accomplish the same goal while preventing
the other from accomplishing it.
I wonder, who would win?
Let us begin...
A Little Background....
The Ranger's universe was now a Multiverse, a
universe where
every cartoon in existence exists at the same time (I'll explain
how this came to be in a later fanfic). Fate, being so mean, had
merged Top Cat's city with the Rangers. Top Cat had met the
Rangers, and acted as their informant to keep them out of his
own hair (Bad enough he has to deal with *real* cops...). This,
however, had put him on bad grounds with Fat Cat.
Which brings us to the present...
TC had been napping soundly in his hammock
when, suddenly,
everything became dark, and considerably warmer, and he got the
sensation he was moving...
"Hey, get me out of here!" he yelled.
"Benny! Brain!
Spook! Choo-Choo! Anybody!"
"Be quiet!" Mepps said.
TC thought he recognized the voice. His mind, thinking
quickly, he asked "Mepps, is that you?"
"Wow, gee Mepps, he must be psychic!"
Mole's voice exclaimed.
Top Cat remembered these guys as stooges of Fat Cat, and also as
people whom the good lord had decided were not worthy of brains.
So Top Cat said "No, my good Mole, nothing
so exotic! I
merely recognized his fine voice! And yours too! Oh, you must
have been excellent singers at one time, let me hear you sing!"
So Mole responded "Gee, that's so nice of
you mister Top
Cat! Okay, here goes: La la la la la laaaaaa...."
Then Top Cat heard some sort of thwapping noise,
and an
"Ow!" from Mole, as Mepps' voice said "Oh stop that. It's
probably a trick anyway."
"Aw, nuts" thought Top Cat, committing
to memory the fact
that Mepps is harder to fool than he initially thought.
Minutes later, Top Cat was rudely dropped out
of the bag,
in the office of Fat Cat. The first thing he did was get up and
demand "Hey, what's with the idea of puttin' the bag over me?"
"The idea, my friend, is that you've been
intruding on my
domain lately. I see you've already got about five cats in your
little mob..."
"You aren't my friend and I've always been
the Top Cat,
so will you cut the roundabout and get to the point?"
"... Fine, keep your little group, but there
is one thing
you do that greatly disturbs me. My spies routinely report that
you sell information to the Police--" Remember, TC can talk to
humans "--and, not only that, but to the *Rescue Rangers*! Thanks
to you, my house is about to be brought down!"
"You should put it on Prozac. In any case,
mister, I help
them for only one reason: it keeps my own record clear. Before
you came along I had to fend for myself, now whenever I do something
bad, I can just say 'give me a break for some secret information'
and suddenly I pass the torch to you. If you were smart you woulda
done the same to me a lot earlier."
Fat Cat was trying his best not to be annoyed
by how calm
and Clever TC was being, and simply said "Oh, I would, but you
hardly seem to do any illegal activity."
"Sir, I do a *lot* of illegal activity behind
your back
every day, your failure to notice it is just another example of
*my* genious at covering my tracks."
"But I'm good at covering my tracks as well..."
"Yea, you get caught before you even *do*
anything."
Fat Cat finally lost his temper, and exclaimed
loudly
"I'm going to murder you!!!"
"See, that's an example of your ineptness,"
TC said, staying
calm, "Let's see, Top Cat mysteriously disappears. It's known that
I'm an informer and that I inadvertently had a hand in bringing
down some of your capers. Who do you think the cops are gonna
dog?"
Fat Cat's temper cooled, realizing Top Cat was
right.
Then, suddenly, Fat Cat had an idea. A brilliant idea that would
kill two birds with one stone!
And so he calmly put his arm around, and challenged
TC
"If you're so smart, then you do the one thing I've never done."
"Sorry, I don't have enough weight to lose."
"That's not what I meant..."
"Oh, you mean think? Well I..."
"NO! JUST LISTEN! Find the Rescue Ranger's
headquarters,
and *destroy* them if you're so smart!"
Top Cat thought about this one, but coolly and
calmly
replied "Oh, sure, I'll do it."
"Good. I'll give you a week. Now Go!"
"Oh, sure sir... uhh, where is the exit?"
"My men will show you the way."
Then Top Cat was blindfolded (As if he didn't
know Fat
Cat worked out of a Cat Food factory) and led out of the building,
and back to his alley.
Hours later, after Top Cat was done relating
his story to
his friends (As well as the Rangers) Benny asked "So, you gonna
do it, TC?"
"Benny, manipulation is *my* ground. Of
course I see right
through Fat Cat's scheme."
"Of course!" Dale blurted out, "He
tried to use you to do
his dirty work!"
"Bra-vo Dale, Bra-Vo, but that's only half
of it. Chip,
fill in the blanks!"
Chip racked his brains, and then said "Of
course! Then
the blame would be placed on you, you'd go to jail and Fat Cat
would be free to do crime unhindered!"
"Exactly, my friend, and that is why I ain't
doin' it."
Then Choo-Choo asked "So what *are* ya gonna
do, TC?"
"Have Fat Cat arrested for kidnapping and
extortion,
that's what!"
But Gadget interrupted "Do you have proof
he did it?"
"Of course! Those fools left me the bag,
of course their
cat hair is all over it! He himself... ech... put his arm around
me, so some of his hair is in my hair, and mine in his. I think
I've got a pretty solid case."
Officer Dibble walked by just then, and asked
"A case of
what, Top Cat?"
TC smiled evilly. "Now you'll get it, Fat
Cat." he
thought to himself...
So, whadid ya'll think of *that* one?