By 8-Bit Star
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All right, guys. I've been out of the loop for awhile, and may
be for awhile yet, but I am always fighting to get back the drive to
write and create, no matter how much the Higher Forces Of the Heavens
(Mercury is mad I'm a better fanfic writer ;) like to kick in and
beat me down. If I'm going to start anywhere, I might as well start
somewhere!
And no, you do not have to have read anything to get anything.
In fact, now that you're here, if I see you even THINK of leaving in
order to catch up on this "Mind Media" nonsense, YOU ARE FRIED! You
do NOT leave until I tell you to leave, puppy! And you, guppy, and
you, gypsy, and you, blip! STAY PUT!
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It was a rather smug and funny day in the neighborhood, when
suddenly, a bad guy did something bad! Well, a beatnik saw Fat Cat
rob a bank using his Kitty Paws (made in Taiwan) and run away. Now,
the beatnik told this to Mighty Mouse who told this to the Smithsonian
who told this to the Grapevine.
The Rescue Rangers, of course, heard it through the grapevine,
and went to the rescue. Off they flew in the Ranger Wing, straight
to Fat Cat's lair, where they conveniently fell into a net and were
trapped. Fat Cat and all his goons laughed because Dale made an
amusing mistake during a knock-knock joke. Eventually, we all laughed
at the utter dumbness of this scene. But then they realized how utterly TRAPPED
they were, and decided to try to escape.
But who should appear but THE RUSH!
And you CAN'T STOP THE RUSH!
... and suddenly, MST3K's Crow T. Robot interjected.
"Wait, we've read this before, back when it was called Mind Media!"
And I the author stepped in and said "Yes, I agree. But this is the RETURN
of Mind Media!"
"Yea it says RETURN, not 'Direct Rip-Off'!"
"You shut up! You do not dictate ME! I will write what I want to write!"
"Hack!"
"Jerk!"
"Hack!"
"Dictator!"
"Hack!"
Anyway, I guess Fat Cat couldn't stop the Rush, for The Rush rushed him with
all his Rushish power, and totally Rushed him! It was
Rushilicious! It was better than drugs! Every time the Rush would hit Fat Cat,
a word balloon would appear, saying things like "Bop!" and "Whammo!"
it was just amazing! You'd have to hear me brag about it to believe it!
But then, who should come in but THE SWOOSH!
.... and Crow has something else to say.
"Hey, I thought this was the Return of MIND MEDIA, not the Mind Media 1
and 2 Omnibus Edition!"
"Bite me, pup!"
"PUP?!?!?!"
"Oh, sorry. I meant Pip."
"Pip?"
"Never mind."
But, you can't have two Mary Sue hand-me-downs in one fanfic, can you? What?
You can? Screw you, I'm making my own rules!
Anyway, The Rush and The Swoosh came face to face with each other, and the Rush
said "I'm a better Mary Sue!"
"No you're not!" Countered The Swoosh, "I am!"
"Prove it, you 'homage'!"
And The Swoosh did a few very Mary Sue-ish things. He kissed Gadget and Pennywinkel
(did I not mention my original characters are in this? Woops, sorry), then went
and converted Professor Nimnul to Christianity. Then he found the Trix Rabbit
(who is still dead, by the way) and convinced him that, yes, Trix really ARE
just for kids, and that he should chase Cocoa Pebbles instead. Cries of "BARNEY!
MY PEBBLES!" can be heard to this day.
Then, running back to The Rush, he said "Top THAT!"
But he was The Rush, and not even an homage can top THE RUSH. The Rush out-foxed
Bugs Bunny, out-punched Popeye, out-ranked Hulk Hogan, Fast-talked Garfield,
outweighed Fat Cat, drank up the sun and spat out the moon, and all before tea-time!
Then he single-handedly convinced the British to quit making fun of the way
we say "Aluminum."
In the eyes of many Americans, he was a hero.
Then he went and layed the smooches on not only Gadget, Pennywinkel, and Mademanna,
but also any female character you can name, even old ladies. Admittedly, this
part of the story gets scary, so I'm skipping it.
Anyway, so he came back, with a declarative cry of "IDEALISTIC
MADHOUSE!!!" Then he came to a full stop. The two superheroes were
RIVALS now.
... and now Chip has something to say.
"Ummm... what are WE doing in this fanfic?"
Oh yea...
Suddenly Gadget thought of something and alerted them to a sad, strange noise.
They watched as some policeman killed a few dead boys. They followed after the
authoritive louse, running swiftly but as quiet as a mouse!
Suddenly, Dale tripped. Dale became suddenly more annoyed. This caused him to
reach EXP level 15 and learn to use *Dynamo*! This means, basically, that Dale
rocks. Dale with his newfound power went over and beat up the evil cop before
realizing that the cop was just a dummy (in any sense of the word).
Out of the pocket fell a clue, which made the Rangers cry
"Scooby Doo!"
Oh, I bet it's time the plot actually WENT somewhere. Okay, the Rangers looked over the clue, which was a note talking some nonsense about shipments and hazardous material and illegal stuff. The important thing was that it said Pier 14 on it. So, after a discussion, they all decided to go to Pier 14.
Inside Pier 14 was a large stock of ships, with many dangerous-looking men
around. But, they didn't take long to find out where the Hazardous, Illegal
stuff was.
"Okay guys, I have a plan," Chip said. "Gadget, if you can get
up on that ledge..."
"WAITAMINUTE!" The Rush cried. "You forget *I* am in this fanfic!"
Chip scratched away all his hopes that this was a legitimate fanfic.
The Swoosh also added "That's right! Me and The Rush can team
together to take out the evil!"
They looked, and nodded at each other, then rushed out to do their dirty work.
Within minutes, small blurs were beating up on incompetent humans, and all the
hazardous stuff was simply ceasing to exist. Chip stared in awe. Gadget admired.
Dale became jealous. Zipper admired. They all recieved level-ups for this.
Meanwhile, Frog stayed back and polished his sword.
"Hey Frog," Mademanna asked, "Why stay back polish sword?"
"Oh, it's just that I see the next plot twist coming, that's all... oh,
they're done."
And suddenly, one human randomly began screechily yelling "KIIITTY! KIIIIIIITTY!
HELP ME KIIIIIIIIIIITTY! SAVE ME KIIIIIIIIITTY!"
But all that happened was that The Rush laughed and continued
torturing the poor crook. Even The Swoosh was thinking this was too
much, and everyone ran out and tried to stop him, blabbering moral
gibberish about how sadism is wrong and evil and ever so against the
laws of commercial advertising.
And then, The Rush laughed maniacally. His voice took on a soft yet evil tone
with an overpronounced British accent (no, he's not going to insult the way
we say "Aluminum") and the man himself seemed to grow somehow darker.
He looked smugly towards The Swoosh and, raising a hand, fried him with a burst
of energy.
The comedy was over. The Swoosh was dead.
"And thus ends the life of another fallacious hero." Said The
Rush who was no longer The Rush.
Mademanna gasped, and asked "Rush! Why do this?"
He not only looked at her, he fixed his attention on her in a way that made
her feel nervous as he said "My dear, I've been wanting to see you again
for the longest time. Do you not recognize my voice? No? Then howsabout this?"
In a brief snap of his fingers, his mask and costume disappeared, to be replaced
by black hair, combed into a claw formation, and a black suit featuring a cape.
"Now do you remember me?"
She shook her head in the negative, fear showing.
"Does the name *Demon Master Mind* ring a bell? No? Howsabout DiMM? Hmmm...
so you've forgotten everything."
"What the HECK are you talking about?" Chip voiced aloud.
"It matters not at the moment, for there is a bomb somewhere in this room."
All was silent with surprise. But, just as Chip had become
skeptical, the pier exploded...
... And Crow interjects "Any long-time fans here want to guess how this'll turn out?"
TO BE CONTINUED...
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*Sigh*
Well, that was a start. Admittedly, I ran out of steam near the end, but I can
feel the old touch returning (Yea, good ol' instant
talent, just add fingertips). Currently, I'm not sure how I'm going to handle
this tale--I've already got another story in mind called "The Return of
Mind Media" and I'm not sure if I'm going to tie the segment above into
that, or make this it's own little short story. Thing is, this being Mind Media,
it probably doesn't make much of a difference.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it.