The Golden Age of Marvel Rangers
By 8-Bit Star
Authrs note: This is a joke fic I am writing totally on impulse. If
anyone
remembers my "Mothman Prophecies" joke tale from way back when, you
get the idea. Enjoy!
Gadget was in her workshop with Dale.
"watcha doin'?" he asked.
"Oh, I'm only messing around with something called Gamma Radiation."
"Okay." in boredom, he left. Gadget continued working as Dale went
to his room, and layed down. "I'm bored." He got up, and pushed
aside his stack of comics, revealing Science and Technology books.
"No one even suspects that I only act stupid as a front, and that
I'm really a science whiz. Let's see... Gamma Radiation, Gamma..."
Gadget had, in her haste, not noticed a spider, only a bit bigger
than zipper, crawling on the floor. "There," she said, "now to
see
if it works... Oh no!" she finally saw the spider, "Get out of
here! This is going to explode!"
"Oh my gosh!" The spider explained, and both ran for the door.
But it was too late...
Meanwhile Chip was away. Earlier in the day, a Rodent Government
Agent had come to the Ranger HQ and asked for him. Dale, quite
stupidly, had let him know Chip was home.
"Chip," he (the government rodent) had explained, "You are being
drafted for a special experiment. Though the evil Nazi Leader is
dead, his memory remains, and we may find ourselves facing animal
Nazis soon, so unless you want your country overrun with Jew-hating
cats and dogs, you better comply."
"Okay," Chip responded.
"Drink this," the officer said, handing Chip a vial of what looked
like Super Soldier Serum.
"What's this?"
"SSS."
"Eh?"
"Super Soldier Serum. Drink it."
And he drank...
A small explosion rocked the Ranger HQ, blowing the door off
Gadget's workshop. Green smoke filtered out of that room, with
the spider from a few paragraphs ago. Gadget was nowhere to be
seen.
However, one in the room did not need to see, and did not need
to. "Oh my, Gadget must still be in that room!" Monty thought.
"Oh my! Wait... I can hear her, she's alive! I better rescue
her! But first I need to make me a radiation-proof suit!" He
grabbed some materials from just offscreen. "Ya know, it's funny,
but I never told them I was blind, but that it had enhanced my
other senses so much that I can actually 'see' better than a
normal person! There!" HE put the materials away, having slipped
into a red outfit with a cartoonish, demon-looking mask. "Yea,
this'll fit. I'M COMIN', GADGET!"
Meanwhile, that spider, glowing with gamma radiation, crawled into
Dale's room. "Hey!" the Spider thought, "Maybe I can transfer
my own radiation onto this sucker here! I know!" Sneaking along
ever so slightly, the spider landed a bite right on Dale.
"Youch!"
Laughing to himself, the spider crawled away.
But Dale was not in pain for long. "Man... I feel strange. I feel
POWERFUL! WOWWEE!" He jumped in a sudden burst of energy, and
found himself sticking to the ceiling! (granted, it probably had
to do with partially being indented in it, but ah well). "Cool!
Now I need only make myself some Web Shooter... hey! 8-Bit's
following the Movie Continuity and letting me shoot webs from my
paws! Yowza!"
Monty had found Gadget, but not the way he had hoped.
"Now, Gadget-love, we don't need to be gettin' upset..."
"GULK SMASH!!!" Gadget yelled, having now turned into a hulking
green she-behemoth. Since Monty was blind, no one minded that
Gadget had outgrown her shirt (Oh, and I'm putting censor bars
there anyway). In her new form, full of rage, she was destroying
her own workshop. "Now Gadget!" Monty said, "Or Gulk, whichever...
You're destroying your workshop!"
"Uh?" Gulk said, suddenly stopping, the creature surveyed it's own
damage. It's angered scowl shifted into a happy grin, and it
suddenly declared "Gulk Fix!"
And with all the happiness of a mouse pelted with gamma radiation,
the creature began to fix everything it had broken. "Stuff broken,
but no stay broken for long when Gulk around to fix it!"
Monty sighed in relief. "Man, if I had expected things to be like
this, I wouldn't have bothered... hey, this costume feels great!
I think I'll wear it around! I think I'll find Dale and ask him
what I look like..."
Dale, of course, was swinging around his room in a red-and-blue
outfit he had made for himself, singing "Spider-Munk, Spider-Munk,
does cool things and is a hunk!"
Suddenly Dale heard the door open, and stayed stationary on the
ceiling, looking down at the floor, seeing Monty enter... at least,
some weird tingling feeling told him it was Monty. If not for
that, he would've thought he'd found his first supervillain.
"Monty?" He asked. "You look like some sort of... Mouse daredevil!"
"Hmmm... MouseDevil, that sounds like a catchy name! By the way,
mate... what are YOU doin' on the ceiling?"
"I'm, uhhhhh... I'm pretending to be a ninja!"
"Ummm... right.... Well, you better get down here. Something's
happened to Gadget, and now she's on an insane fixing fix..."
Suddenly, a female voice said "It's okay, Monty, I'm fine now.
Golly, did I turn into a green monster and fix things? I don't
think that's how its supposed to work, or maybe it is, and I've
got it backwards, but I don't think I'm right, so I must be wrong,
but which of me is wrong? I mean..."
"Yep, she's fine."
Suddenly there was a knock at the door whcih they all ran to answer.
Outside was standing Chip, in a weird costume and holding a round
shield, both obviously colored after the American flag.
"Yo," Spider-Munk asked, "What's with the stupid costume?"
"Stupid costume? I'm CAPTAIN AMERIMUNK! I'm PATRIOTIC and COOL
and... I dress the part." He happened to look over at Gadget, who
still did not seem to realize the full implications of having turned
into a hulking monster and outgrowing her shirt (though not her pants... Whaddya
think I am, sick?).
Finally, however, she figured it out, and struck Chip, exclaiming
"Gulk Smack!"
"OW! What, did you get pelted by Gamma Rays or something?"
But Gadget was angry now. Again she began to transform into her
hulking, angrily-fixing-things self. The tranformation completed,
she bounced off, and began going out into the city. Almost
immediately screams of terror and pain and rabies were heard.
"Oh no," Chip realized, "We must stop her!"
"Have no fear!" Came a pantomime voice from the back of the room.
Suddenly there was a flash, and where Zipper had once been, now
stood a mighty Norse Fly!
Everyone looked at him as if he was stupid.
"What?" he said, talking normally now, "Didn't you know they
had
flies in Asgard? Yea, I was particularly annoying, so I was
cast out. To you I was just Zipper, but behind your backs I've
been fighting crime as the mighty Bhor! So me and my Mighty
Bola Balls will handle the problem of Gulk!"
And out the door flew the mighty Norse fly, towards where the
rampaging Gulk had went.
Meanwhile, Fat Cat was dreaming up another scheme. "I know!" he
said, "I'll build an evil robot!"
And he built an evil robot.
"And I think I'll name it... The Spitinal!"
Gulk was still rampaging. In fact, she rampages for some time,
always fixing everything she destroys. So let's skip ahead.
It was five paragraphs in the future, where we could get back to
the story. The Marines etc. were trying to destroy Gulk, but all
they ended up doing was giving her metal to repair broken guns with.
Suddenly the marines seperated as an evil robot flew past them.
It maliciously destroyed the thing Gulk had been fixing.
"You destroy my fix! Gulk hate! Gulk SMASH!!!!"
And Gulk smashed.
Suddenly everyone else arrived, but Gulk noticed not as she looked
over the evil robot she had just smashed. "Gulk wanted to smash, it
evil, it built by Fat Cat, says so right here... but now Gulk want
to fix!"
"Noooo!" Chip cried, "Don't fix it!"
Then Gulk began to cry. "You yell at Gulk, make Gulk feel BAD!
You MEAN To Gulk!"
"No, no, wait, I'm sorry! I didn't know you were so sensitive!"
"Oh." And with that, Gulk once again became Gadget... but because
I'm tired of the "Shirtless" jokes, I think I'll give her a shirt
this time. "Oh Chip, I feel so much better now!"
"Curses, foiled again!" Fat Cat thought.
"And now that we've got that out of the way, what are we all gonna
do with our special talents?" Chip wondered.
"I know! Let's start a superhero group!" Dale suggested. "We
could
be... the HarBINGers!"
"Ummm, Dale..." Gadget pointed out, "We're already the Rescue
Rangers."
"Oh."
And so, the day is saved, thanks to... well, actually, thanks to no
one in particular. But let's give the Rangers credit anyway.
The End.