First, thanks to Julie Bihn, who had a copy of this on her computer and
was kind enough to send it to me (I had deleted mine).

I've said before that the Mind Media we all know and love now was
actually a re-written and much improved version of an earlier story.
I decided, in the midst of my "Seasoning" that I've been mentioning
everywhere (which included a sense of history--the same one that forced
me to put up "Tripping Through the Rangerverse" and "Dumb Frog and the
Rescue Rangers") that my fans, particularly the ones that made Mind
Media my most popular fanfic, should get to see what the story was
originally going to be like.

Here, then, is the story. At the end I will provide the history and
commentary. Below this line is the complete text of the original
edition of Mind Media, not a word has been edited.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is my attempt to write the wierdest, strangest, most
un-natural, and probably even the WORST Rescue Rangers fanfic
ever written. If I've confused or bewildered you, or simply made
your head explode, I've succeeded. If I actually ENTERTAINED you...
well, I guess I still succeeded.

Oh yea, and for the sensitive people in the crowd: This
story occasionally jumps from silly to serious and back. The
serious elements may handle the paranormal too seriously for
some people to handle (Yea, others put the Rangers through
excrutiating pain, -I- make them deal with aliens and ghosts
and have their whole universe cave in on them! I'M A NAUGHTY
BOY! MWAHAHAHA!) There's also a bit of mild language. In any
case, I'd call this story a PG.

Oh yea, and the MST3K segment that goes on for the entire
first chapter is not a MiSTing of any actual fanfic, and should
not offend anyone (Unless there really IS a "Fake 8-Bit Star"
going around, which somehow I doubt).
------------------------------------------------------------------

[8-BIT STAR was with his friend MINOR GOD FORCE, a celestial
being who's only reason for existence was solely to watch over
one universe, the Rangerverse. As it opens, all sorts of
machinery is going crazy]

8-BIT: Hey, Min-G! All sorts of machinery and meters and
stuff are going crazy!

[MINOR GOD FORCE, or MIN-G for short, checks the machines and
meters]

MIN-G: This is bad! I've seen low ratings before but never
this low!

8-BIT: Could it be another blatant Mary Sue self-insertion
fanfic?

MIN-G: No, worse! Whatever it is, it's slowly destroying the
Rangerverse reality!

8-BIT: We must check with our Reality Messer Upper Finder Computer!

MIN-G: Too right!

[They check with it. Wordpad opens up, showing a document labeled
"RESCUE RANGERS: MIND MEDIA" below that, it states "By 8-BIT STAR"]

MIN-G: [Looks at 8-BIT suspiciously] Aha! so you've crossed the
line, eh? Let me guess, showed up the regulars? Got together
with Gadget? Killed Fat Cat? Which was it?

8-BIT: I swear I didn't write this! It must have been ghostwritten
under my name! I am demanding we have ourselves an investigation!

MIN-G: Well, okay, that's reasonable.

[Meanwhile, on the Satellite of Love]

JOEL: Hi, everyone, welcome to the show, I'm Joel Robinson and these
are my buddies, Gypsy, Tom Servo, and Crow.

BOTS: Hi!

[Suddenly, lights flash, and a big sparkly portal opens, and a blonde
guy about Joel's size drops out.]

BOTS: MIKE!

JOEL: Who?

CROW: Micheal J. Nelson.

MIKE: Hi guys! Crow, Gypsy, Tom, I see you haven't changed much...
I could have sworn Cambot had a round shape and was blue though.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: In the Joel era, Cambot's head looked like an actual
camera and was red. For some unknown reason they made him round and
blue during the Mike era of MST3K]

JOEL: Wait a minute, just who are you and how do you know my buds?

MIKE: You must be Joel Robinson! The robots have told me so much
about you [The two shake hands].

CROW: Yea, you see Joel, well... this is gonna be a long story.

TOM: I can best explain. Joel, in the future, after we watched
a stinker called "Mitchell" you somehow managed to escape
the SOL. Dr. Forrester found out and replaced you with
Mike here. Later on, Forrester died, and his mother Pearl
and some brain guy started torturing us...

MIKE: That's nice, Servo, but I think Joel knows enough.

JOEL: So why don't I remember the future, or whatever?

MIKE: That will be explained by 8-Bit Star who is trying to contact
us via the viewscreen, Crow can you do the honors?

CROW: Certainly! [Crow hits the yellow flashing button]

[In Minor God Force's hidden base]

8-BIT: Guys, I am calling to explain some things to you. First off,
later today, you will be subjected to a really whacked Rescue
Rangers fanfic called "Mind Media" which claims it was written
by me. I just would like to say it wasn't, it was written by
someone going under my name. This fanfic was created solely
for the purpose of destroying the Rescue Rangers and their
entire universe.

[SoL]

JOEL: That's great, but can you please explain what this Mike guy
is doing here, and why the robots recall him even though he
hasn't replaced me yet?

[Min-G's base]

8-BIT: Certainly. Okay, the robots remember him because they exist
in both your era AND Mike's era. Whereas he came from the
future into the past, the Crows, Toms, and Gypsys of the
two eras simply merged, therefore they remember things that
haven't happened yet but are still aware of their time. As
for what he's doing there, well, he can explain that. 8-Bit
out.

[SoL--Viewscreen shuts off]

JOEL: Well, Mike?

CROW: Yes, Well, Mike?

MIKE: Well, it's a long story. You see Joel, unbeknownst to us,
we're actually a well-loved comedy series in one universe.
Our series, in fact, is the subject of many heated debates,
the foremost among them being "Who is better, Joel or Mike?"

BOTS: JOEL!

GYPSY: MIKE!

JOEL: So you're back here so we can all find out, once and for all?

MIKE: Actually no. I am appalled by all the violence there has been
regarding this silly issue. The topic has actually been banned
from Usenet it got so bad. I am here to prove that neither is
funnier, that you are just as good as me, and I am just as good
as you.

TOM: And if you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell you!

JOEL: Well, happy to have you aboard. We could use some extra company
around here. Oh, hold on, the Mads are calling.

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Well, Joel--Hey, who's that?

[SoL]

JOEL: This is Mike, he's a guy from the future who took over as your
guinea pig after I escaped.

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Oh, well, that's fine--WHAT did you say?

[SoL]

MIKE: I'm their janitor.

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Oh. Well in any case, for our invention exchange, we looked
at the similarities between Fanfiction and Comic Books.

[SoL]

JOEL: Cheesy, fight-ridden stories?
MIKE: Overused one-liners?
CROW: One-dimensional characterizations?
TOM: Stupid concepts?

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Crossovers! Comic Books feature them all the time nowadays,
it's gotten to the point where they're no longer special.
The same is true of fanfiction. Writers have thought of
everything, why, people have even crossed Star Trek and
X-Men, the two most incompatible things in the universe!
Then some up-and-coming guy wants to do his own crossover,
and finds it is taken.

FRANK: [Crying] Man, I want to write a Timmy the Tooth meets the
Littles story, but I think it may have happened.

DR. F: Well, never fear, subserviant lackey, because now there is
the "Crossover Collector!" [Holds up a rather ordinary-
looking laptop] this amazing little thingamabob collects,
compiles, and even reads every crossover ever written, wether
it be an actual crossover or even just a cross-casting, and
allows you to search it's immense, updatable database to find
out not only if your idea is taken, but how just overused your
pathetic cliche actually is!

FRANK: [Crying even more] Oh god! Timmy the Tooth and the Littles
have met fifteen times!

DR. F: Well, sirs?

[SoL]

JOEL: Ah, how unique. Well, for our invention, we went to the deepest,
darkest place known to man. A place full of the most disgusting
lifeless slobs ever to be given life to gain insight into the
true nature of humanity. Tom?

TOM: Of course, this dark, terrible place that holds the terrible truth
about us power hungry slavedrivers is not an American School, it
is Usenet! Disgusting, Ptah! We couldn't stand it! But it gave
us very deep insight into our own lives, and we wrote this book.

[Joel holds up a red cover labeled "People are Jerks."]

TOM: Yes, our book is unique. One, it's got a very deep, metaphorical
story symbolizing exactly what kind of people people are. Second,
it is a book that does this while lacking one thing every other
book has. Yes, sirs, I mean PAGES. This is the first, and only,
PAGELESS BOOK. Story? Character depth? All that metaphoric
stuff I mentioned earlier? Who needs it! This book does all
that and more with just it's cover alone!

CROW: And it's quite convenient for those who read books but don't have
long attention spans anyway. And to be safe, it is made out of
very hard substances, so it is still good for spankin' babies!

JOEL: What do you think, sirs?

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Fine idea, must consider getting Frank one of those. Anyway,
your experiment today is a little experiment for us, as well.
You see, you are watching this as it is being made! It is
fanfiction so bad, it is actually tearing apart the universe
it is written about! It is called "Rescue Rangers: Mind Media"
and I hope you enjoy it.

[Forrester pulls the lever]

[SoL, lights are flashing]

JOEL & MIKE: We've got Fanfic sign!

[Door sequence, Joel, Mike, and the Bots enter theatre]

>RESCUE RANGERS: MIND MEDIA

CROW: Can be yours IF the price is right!

>By FAKE 8-BIT STAR

TOM: Is this as opposed to Slimer and the Real 8-Bit Star?
MIKE: Maybe this "Fake" 8-Bit Star is a Filmation exec.
CROW: No, that would be the real 8-Bit Star. Ya see, the two
8-Bit Star movies were actually named after a 1970s live
action series....
TOM: Crow, the joke's already lost us.
CROW: Oh, sorry.

>DISCLAIMER:

TOM: Not even written yet and he already disowns it.

>Any character not created by me is property of someone else
>and stuff.

CROW: Yea, my boy, keep it short, simple, and obvious!

>PART ONE: CAN'T STOP THE RUSH!

MIKE: This better not be a bathroom humor story.

> Unbeknownst to those miserable Rescue Rangers, their reality
>was about to be torn about, and it would all start with the arrival
>of a new hero on the scene, someone who is superior to them in every
>way!

TOM: So, the Ranger universe is going to be destroyed by an author
avatar character?

> This hero could out-invent Chip, out-think Dale, out-fight
>Gadget and out-fly Monty! He is also gifted with super speed and
>a cool costume!

CROW: Now if Chip ever invented, Dale ever thought, Gadget ever fought,
and Monty ever flew, this would mean something.

> He is THE RUSH!
> And you CAN'T STOP THE RUSH!

CROW: Ya can't stop the SUGAR rush anyway.
TOM: Yea Crow, you always have them unstoppable rushes.
MIKE: I'm having a little rush of my own just now [Leaves the theatre,
Joel and the Bots wait before continuing].

> The Rangers were solving a very difficult bank robbery, crimes
>commited by Fat Cat, the only enemy who could ever even come close
>to seriously injuring them. The fact that they were joined by Dumb
>Frog and Mademanna didn't help much despite them being 8-Bit Star's--
>err, I mean MY Avatar characters.

JOEL: Did 8-Bit Star just make a reference to himself?
TOM: Oh yea, the one who goes blind, limps, and never does anything
useful is really an Avatar character. Uh-huh, yea, sure.

> Currently, they were about to all be chopped to ribbons by
>a grinding machine, and no one could help them, not even that
>floozy, Pennywinkel!

[Everyone falls on the floor laughing]
CROW: This situation is very unbelievable!

> Her powers of altering reality have been
>negated by a collor on her neck.

[Everyone falls on the floor laughing, again]
CROW: This hackjob explanation is very unbelievable!

> But who should pop in at the last minute and save everyone's
>behind but THE RUSH! He rushed in, rescued the Rangers, kicked
>Fat Cat's scrawny hide

JOEL: That made tons of sense.

> all the way to the little old lady from
>Pasedena! Then he cut the Rangers loose.

MIKE: Footloose!

> He ran up to Gadget in his speedy little blur way, handed her
>a flower, and said "For you!"
> "Thanks, I love you," Gadget said. Chip got angry. Dale
>got angry.

CROW: This sounds like a level up on an old Role-Playing Game.

> "Well," Rush said, "Chip, Dale, how did you like that? I,
>the Rush, just stood you up and commited an unsanitary act of
>INDUUUUULLLLGENCE! And I am about to INDUUULLLLGE even more!"
> The Rush rushed up to Mademanna, gave her a flower, and said
>"For you."
> "Thanks. I love you."
> He rushed back to the Chipmunks, "Hah! How do you like that?
>not only have I hit it off with Gadget, I hit it off with some other
>author's supporting character! Ha! ha ha! Top that! YOU CAN'T STOP
>THE RUSH!"

MIKE: So... Fake 8-Bit's avatar has a thing for mice and children?
CROW: Mike, don't even mention it, it's making me sick.
TOM: Especially when you remember Mademanna's a robot.
CROW: Now -I'M- having a rush! [Leaves theatre, we hear spewing sounds,
Crow returns, rubbing his beak with a moistened washcloth]

> Chip became noticeably more angry. Dale became noticeably more
>angry. Gadget became jealous.

TOM: Now Gadget's gaining levels!
CROW: Chip's strength went up by ten, Dale learned *Litbolt, Gadget
learned *Hackwrench!

> "If my services are needed again," The Rush said, "Shine this
>flashlight at anything, and I'll be there!"
> "Thanks, Rush!" Gadget said. Chip became tons more angry,
>Dale became tons more angry. Mademanna became jealous.
> Dale suddenly yelled, "Nimnul's on a criem spree!"
> "Well, what are we waiting for? Rangers away!"
> Within minutes, they were at the Dirty Battery Haredware Store
>and Malt Shop.

TOM: Is this fanfic even trying to be realistic or consistent?
CROW: It's not even trying to be in-character!

> As expected, Nimnul was robbing the place blind
>with his new universal see-through machine, which he could see
>through. Unfortunately people could see through to him to, but
>that didn't matter because they wouldn't be looking.

CROW: Because he was in his birthday suit!

> They would
>be too busy running away in fear of Nimnul and his see-through
>gun that no one knew he had.

JOEL: And I'm to assume they're just taking his word that he has it?

> Nimnul spotted the Rescue Rangers as they came through the
>door.
> "Ahhh, the Rescue Rangers! I'm just gonna shoot you."

MIKE: Nimnul, your basic man of few words.
JOEL: [Nimnul] Why yes! I'm going to shoot you with my invisible
gun, you won't know what hit you!

> "Oh my god he has an invisible gun!" Gadget thought, and
>unthinkingly shined the light of the signal in his eyes.
> And then who should appear but THE RUSH!
> And you CAN'T STOP THE RUSH!

JOEL: Let's not even touch it this time.

> "Aha, Nimnul is behind this! I knew it would happen months
>ago, because I'm really that fast, and will stop him, because you
>CAN'T STOP THE RUSH! But first..."
> He kissed both Gadget and Mademanna.

JOEL: At the same time?

> Dip Frog became angry at
>seeing some cocky jerk making passes at his daughter, Chip became
>tons more angry, Dale became tons more angry.

TOM: More level-gaining!
CROW: So is "Dip Frog" Dumb Frog's father?

> Nimnul fired. The Rush was fast enough to run into the bullet's
>path. He was unphased, because he is The Rush, AND YOU CAN'T STOP
>THE RUSH! Within moments, he had devised a plan.
> He would up a bomb, one that could blow up the whole store.
>unfortunately, the Rangers had all fallen in some Bubble Gum
>and were stuck. "Rush!" Gadget yelled, "Help us!"
> "Sure!" he said, taking his time. "Just so ya know, that
>bomb won't hurt me, I'm The Rush, and YOU CAN'T STOP THE RUSH!"

CROW: I'm becoming noticeably more annoyed.
TOM: Now Crow is gaining levels!
MIKE: we're only reading this thing for the Experience Points,
ya know.

> As it was, the bomb went off early.

CROW: Destroying The Rush and saving the world, the end.

> The Rangers were noticeably
>kaput, and their universe was destroyed, now occupied only by The
>Rush, because YOU CAN'T STOP THE RUSH!

JOEL: Okay, we get it! Ya can't stop the bleepin' Rush, get over it!
MIKE: They killed the Rangers! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

>PART TWO: THE MIND MEDIA OPENS!

TOM: Therefore expiring the warranty, the end.

> Now, I would like for that to have been the end, but
>I haven't had enough fun, so bear with me.

TOM: To hell with you! This fanfic hasn't even been written
yet and Forrester has ALREADY sent it up to us! To top
it off, the Rangers actually died! This sucks, and I hate
you!

> Yea, well, I hate you too.

CROW: Well ain't that dan--HUH?! Guys! the fanfic is talking to
us!
MIKE: Cut it out, Crow.
CROW: No, really, the fanfic is talking to us!
JOEL: Crow, did you eat too many sugary treats again?
CROW: I'm not kidding! It really is talking to us!

> Hahahaha, Why YES you insufferable boobs, I AM talking to you!
>I tire of you, I think I'll do the evilest thing I can!

[Joel, Mike, and the Bots get pulled into the screen. Gypsy enters
the empty room, and Magic Voice tells her exactly what happened]

--

Around this point, I, the -REAL- 8-Bit Star, sat down, and
actually read the above drivel. I, being a Rangerphile, am as
appalled as you guys at the above, even moreso since someone is
pretending to be ME and is therefore using MY characters! Well,
Fake 8-Bit, whoever you are, you just turned me the wrong way,
this is WAR!
First, I'll save the Rangers using some of my twisted
logic which derives all sorts of universal cosmic theories and
makes things happen my way. Howsabout I put the Rangers on a
luxury ship with the MST3K guys? They'll get along fine and
be happy until I can get things worked out. Okay, I'll also
need to characterize and develop the logic a bit, since that'll
make it harder for you to complete your evil objectives!
Last word: Some silly Fake me will never amount to a
hill of beans. And, honestly, who'd wanna pretend to be me
anyway?

--

[The Fake 8-Bit Star--who, Dr. Claw fashion, is not shown except
for one arm which looks metallic--Laughs in amusement at this act
of defiance]

FAKE: Oh, so you want to play, do you? Well, mustering the last
of my lack-of-logic, I am going to convert that luxury cruise
liner into a deserted ship, and make it night! While I'm
at it, I'll give your friends some... surprises...

--

PART THREE: A BRIEF, HAPPY LITTLE BIT OF NORMAL

Let me recap. The Rush planned to defeat Prof. Norton Nimnul's
invisible force field using a bomb that was too powerful, and had too
short a fuse, and the Rangers, as well as Dumb Frog and his sisters,
happened to be nearby when it went off. Because of a rift in reality
caused by The Rush's obvious avatar-ness opened up when the guy died,
the Rangers lived, and were teleported to a human cruise ship, all
became human-sized. Dumb Frog was still a mouse, however.
Not far away, Joel, Mike, and the robots came out of yet another
portal. None of the people on the ship seemed to care, in fact some
seemed to be happy that there were new arrivals. The Rangers, however,
saw them and knew they were unordinary, after all Crow and Tom Servo
were the dangdest looking robots they had ever seen.
Oh yea, and the size adjustment factor, almost forgot that.
Well, Monterey is the biggest Rescue Ranger, but he was five inches
smaller than Joel (The tallest of the MST3K group). The Robots were
both about the size of Mademanna.
"Who are you guys?" Gadget asked as all the Rangers (Plus the
kids) came up to them.
Dumb Frog, coming from our "Real" universe, however, knew them
well. "This is great, guys! These are--"
"We're capable enough of introducing ourselves, thank you,"
Crow said, "I am Crow T. Robot. This is my friend Tom Servo, my
inventor, Joel Robinson, and my other human friend, Micheal J. Nelson.
"And you guys are the Rescue Rangers, I assume?"
"How did--" Chip suddenly thought, and said "You're from the
same universe as them, aren't you?"
"We're from a universe that is very similar in many respects.
But we'll talk later. Now, I'm to assume that this young man of a
mouse is the dim-witted joker, Dumb Frog? And this must be the
Great Thinker herself, Pennywinkel, and this is the token little
girl, Mademanna."
Frog was scratching his head, part because it itched and part
because he was thinking, and said "This is wierd, but let's go inside,
then we can talk."
"Yea," Tom said, "I always love trading secrets in closed spaces
that are just crowded with gossipers!"
That's when the sky turned black as night (Well, actually, the
full moon made it a dark shade of blue, ya know if there was some mist
or something on a full moon night, it could be dark all it wanted and
you'd never know, that's kinda cool) and suddenly, all the people
disappeared. Chip, being practical, thought maybe they just all went
inside since it was getting dark and they missed it. On the other
hand, he could seem to shake the feeling that something was wrong,
terribly wrong.
"On second thought," Tom said, "I kinda wanna go inside too."
"It's gettin' creepy out here," Dale noticed, "There could
be zombies or werewolves or bug-eyed aliens..."
"There are more frightening kinds of aliens," Frog said, "Ones
that aren't bug-eyed, and I hope we won't run into them. Come on."

The inside of the ship was still fine, neat, and will-lit.
It didn't help, however, that there was no one in sight. There
was a pervading air of loneliness about the ship, despite it being
superficially bright and cheery. The imposing night outside didn't
seem so bad here.
Almost immediately, the group found an unnocupied room to
their left, which was just big enough for all of them to make
base there. They found random assortments of furniture, but for
the sake of fairness, sat in a circle on the floor, with Crow
next to Tom next to Joel next to Mike next to Monty (Zipper was
on his shoulder) next to Gadget next to Dale next to Chip next
to Frog next to Mademanna next to Pennywinkel next to Crow.
Joel spoke first, "Does anyone have any questions, before
we start?"
Monterey Jack had many questions, not all were ones he
felt Joel could answer. "I have one. What's with all you people
comin' to our galaxy or whatever? I mean, a few little adventures
is fine, but this whole escapade here just reeks of, well, black
magic."
"Actually, sir, that's two questions, however I have one
answer for both. Put simply, someone--we don't know who--is trying
to destroy your universe, and that same person dragged us here, I'm
guessing, for the heck of it. Anyone else?"
Frog raised his hand, and was noticed.
"That doesn't really make sense. How can someone destroy an
entire universe? And also, me and my siblings were not in the
original series, so why are we here?"
"Again, I can answer both. You see, this person, the one
who wants to destroy this universe, he does not exist here, he is
a 'Real' person, if you understand me. The reason you're here, is
because this guy is impersonating another fanfiction writer. To
be specific, he's impersonating the fanfic writer that envisioned
you guys, and thus to put on a convincing imitation--not that he
did, of course--he had to make use of you three."
"Waitaminute!" blurted Dale, "Why are we here? I mean, didn't
we all get blown up or something?" The Rangers, as well as Frog and
his sisters, thought of that, and realised Dale had a point.
Joel raised his hands, and said "I am at a loss for answers
there. I'm sure we'll find out, though. Until then, let's just
survive. First, I think we all need to find the ship's store of
food. Does anyone here know where a kitchen might be?"
"I do," said Monterey Jack. Having had all the adventures he
has, and with those cheese crazes, there's no way he couldn't know.
Because of this, he was delegated as "He who leads us to the kitchen."
Sorry, but I'm not all for that nautical term nonsense.

As far as I know, most cruise ships have the quarters on the
higher floors and the eating place on a lower floor. Thus was the
case with this ship. Where there's a dining hall, there is a kitchen,
and it didn't take long to find it, either. Not surprisingly, the
food was all still fresh and clearly edible. In the refrigerators
they found several pieces of ham, turkey, and any other perishable
food or drink that requires that it be frozen. As well, there were
cabinets that contained the stuff that need not be frozen, like
tuna and macaroni. Joel, Mike, the Bots, the Kids, and the Rangers
had enough food to last them probably about three months, maybe
more if they were conservative.
Monterey Jack felt he could whip up something great with
all of this food to work with, however there was no way one person
could make enough food for everyone, not unless he wanted to take
all night, so Joel and Mike had decided to pitch in. Joel was sure
he could make something great if there were any waffles around.
Everyone else got themselves seated at a long, rectangular table
near the kitchen entrance.

The outcome had been a delicious banquet with something
for everyone (well, admittedly, I forgot to give them motor oil,
but let's forget that). They had even found some candy stashed,
which the three cooks decided to hide until desert came. Dumb Frog
enjoyed the Macaroni, Pennywinkel and Mademanna enjoyed the salads,
the Rangers enjoyed a little bit of everything (though Monterey at
least tried to get his hands on the cheesy stuff), Mike and the bots
enjoyed the more meaty stuff (Yes, these particular robots do eat),
and Joel had made some waffles for himself.
In between servings, they would relate what they could of
theirselves, lives, and background. Joel and Mike did the same
in the kitchen. They didn't wait until being in the kitchen for
any real reason, it just always seemed more convenient.
Eventually it was time to bring out the candy, and boy did
they bring out the candy! The guys and Monterey were actually
considerate enough to make M&M Ice Cream for everyone. It was
all chocolate, as no vanilla was available, but no one was bothered.
"Ya know, Mike," Crow said when Mike got back, "When we arrived
here, I thought I was really gonna hate all this, but now that I've
gotten here, I don't really wanna ever go back. I mean, I know we
eventually escaped from the satellite, but this seems so much better."
Mike had to agree. They had a luxury ship to themselves and
they could enjoy the living daylights out of it for at least a few
months before they had to start worrying about things like food
supply. At that thought, he cast a worried glance over the rest
of the group. They, too, were enjoying this new lifestyle to its
fullest. Perhaps enjoying it too much.
Or, Mike thought, perhaps he himself was worrying too much.
After all, they're in a fantasy universe, and some mysterious,
malevolent force had saved them all once already, and even got
them there own cruise ship. Maybe the same high-up nice guy
will grant them a miracle, and let them keep this little piece
of their own miracle world.
If only I could.

PART FOUR: SPACE QUEST NIXED - ROGER WILCO DEALS WITH THE FACT THAT
HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS STORY.

Space janitor and intergalactic hero Roger Wilco was argueing
verbally and violently with his arch enemy, Sludge Vohaul.
"I do too have something to do with this story!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
I tell you, those two get me down sometimes. I mean it,
THEY GET ME DOWN! And they can blow me down for all I care (That
was a reference, not an innuendo).

THE REAL PART FOUR: THE INTOXICATING EFFECTS OF CANDY

[Note to fellow Ranger fans and fanfic writers: The "fake"
Part Four was meant to confuse the Fake 8-Bit Star and give
me time to put odds in my favor. You guys DO want me to
save the Rangerverse, right?]

Mike hadn't eaten much of the candy, nor did Monterey
Jack, who was already full from all the cheesy stuff, nor Zipper
who never eats candy anyway, and Frog had been forced to stop after
a certain amount. This being the case, they were spared of this
part's name sake. No, everyone else was not poisoned, they just
suffered the Intoxicating Effects of Candy, in a twisted logic
kinda way.
Dale asked, in a kinda dizzy, sleepy-like way, "Chip,
Gadget, you two have any more candy?"
"Why, of course, Dale!" Chip proceeded to hand him a
bowl of jellybeans, which he subsequently spilled on Dale's head.
He returned in kind by picking up what was left of his M&M Ice
Cream and throwing it at Chip. Both were laughing like hyperactive
drunks the whole time.
"Uhhh, thanks Chip. Gadget, are you gonna eat those colorful
things?"
"Of course not, Dale!" She said in a so un-seductive voice it
was almost convincing (this being Miss "Two guys try to kiss me and
I don't think a thing of it" after all) she picked up some of the
skittles, threw them at Dale, and, laughing, said "Have some!"
Within seconds, anything that wasn't eaten was being thrown
and everyone was play wrestling and acting like a bunch of drunken
children, and I am now guilty of an unsanitary act of INDUUULLLGENCE!
"What's wrong with me mates?" Monterey Jack wondered, "They're
usually not like this... well, Dale maybe, but Chip would have to have
a reason, and Gadget is, well, Gadget!"
Frog offered up a suggestion, it was far-fetched but then,
so was the condition. "Perhaps they're simply suffering the intoxicating
effects of candy?"
"What?" Mike said.
"I'm serious! It can already mess people up in real life!"
"I meant, tell me more!" Mike exclaimed.
"Yea, little pally, tell us more!"
"Yea, Frog!" Tom chimed in, him and Crow started alternatively
singing "Tell me more, tell me more / Like did he have a car? / Tell me
more, tell me more! / Did you get very far?"
And in the corner, Chip and Dale were either going far out of
character, or so in-character it's funny. they both had that lovin'
thing for Gadget and they, well, couldn't feel it right... or whatever
(that's how THEY were singin' it--God I hate Grease). At that moment
though, Chip wondered what it would be like to be Dale and Dale to
be Chip, and they both tried. There was no danger, they could go
too far. Heck, for all I care, they could be be who they are.

Many songs later, they all piled back into the cabin they
had decided that all their base are belong in, and they were STILL
singing, which bites because I really hate Grease (I'm not kidding).
Finally, they all simultaneously regained their senses, and
realised how stupid they all looked and sounded, what with all the
shinanigans and goings-on, that and how messy they all were.
"What the heck is going on?" Pennywinkel asked.
Frog laughed. It was ironic that someone as powerful as
her could be driven to stupidity by common candy. "Sis," he said,
"You have just discovered the Intoxicating Effect of Candy, and
were victimized by too much of it. And if that ain't extremist
brainwashing, what is?"
"Man," Tom said, "I loved being intoxicated! Let's get
some more candy! Absent-mindedness rocks!"
"I'm with you, Servo! Let's get that candy stuff, and
we better get it right! There is no danger we can go too far..."
"No," Joel said matter-of-factly, "No candy, no intoxification.
I think we all need to wash up and get some rest, and when we wake up
we'll explore this ship some more."
Crow wanted to argue, but eventually had to say "Servo, he's
right, we should wait until our survival is assured before doing
anything stupid."
Tom immediately said "This is coming from the guy who thinks
he can tunnel through space! but, I'll agree anyway."
"Fine then. Us guys will use the showers over there," Joel
indicated the door, showing that he meant across the hall, "the girls
will use whatever is available here on this side."
"What about us?" Crow said.
Joel picked him up, Mike grabbed Servo, and they headed to the
other side, Crow constantly whining "No, I wanna stay with the girls,
WANNA STAY WITH THE GIRLS!"
The door slammed shut.
"What his problem?" Mademanna asked.
"We'll explain when you're older," Gadget said, "Let's hit
the showers, for now."
And sorry to disappoint all the male fans, but everyone is
sillouhetted while they're not decent, and besides, I'm skipping
ahead by ten minutes so I won't have to deal with it! MWAHAHAHAHA!

So ten minutes later, everyone was squeaky clean and fully
clothed, seemed the bathrooms have machines that wash clothing in
under a second. Dries them too. Every home needs one.
So they all walked back into their base--and were instantly
blinded by their own reflective shinyness (They were *that* clean).
Then they stumbled around the room some more, trying to simply sit
down. Eventually, they decided that they were gonna remain wherever
they next tripped.
Then a hidden viewscreen in the wall opened up and activated,
and they were glad they had something un-shiny to look at.
The person in the monitor was not so lucky. While it does
not describe my actual appearance, I often envision myself as a
pink-haired kid dressed in blue with my hair going down to my neck,
all drawn anime-style. That's exactly what the companions saw now.
"Oweth! The shiny stingeth my eyes!" I sayeth through the
monitor. I put on a blindfold quickly, and said "That be better!
Now, I know who you guys are, do you guys know who I am?"
Joel said "Sure we do! You're 8-Bit Star, the fanfiction
writer. We talked earlier on the ship, how did you find us?"
"Using Ziggy. Now, this is really important, so listen up.
As you all know, there was an explosion which brought you here. That
was due to me altering the story before publication. If the Rangers
had died, their universe would have been destroyed. Quite simply,
you guys have to survive until I can get things underway."
"Well, duh!" Crow said, "We can guess that!"
"I know, but there's more to it than that, but I don't
know the particulars yet. So I'm going to tell you some things you
should know. First off, don't worry about food, there is always more
food, even when you think you've run out. It's like the Chest that's
Always Full of Gold. While I would love to say this is because I want
to be helpful, but the truth is I designed this ship using the Bard's
Tale Construction Set and haven't worked that particular out. Maybe
I should try Unlimited Adventures.
"However, I could not create all this without some sort of
catch. Sorry, I tried. The first catch is that I can't tell you
what the catch is, you must find out. I can, however, give you
hints. First, if you see anything move and don't know what it is,
worry. If the lights go out, worry. And never split up under any
circumstances, this is not Scooby Doo. Any questions?"
Mike had the obvious one, "Hey, wait a minute, how do we
know you're the real 8-Bit Star and not the fake, trying to mislead
us?"
I took a deep breath. I had the only answer for this they
would take as credible. That answer was thus:
"By the power of greyskull. Strength of the bear. Let's
go Ghost Busters. What we need now is a little energon and a lot
of luck. Earth, fire, wind, water, heart. Turtle power. He's
saving the world at Casino Royale. A shadowy flight into the
world of a man who doesn't exist--"
"Okay, we believe you!" Mike said.
"Errrr, what did all that mean?" Dale asked.
"Television references."
Chip was still skeptical, and said "Well, they may know
you, but we don't know any 8-Bit Star."
"Well then, Chip, let me fill you in. As these people
have no doubt told you--" I indicated both the MST3K group and
my own little characters, "--You are in a universe which we considered
fictional, and as such, we fans write fanfiction. I am one such
fan. I've written all the stories involving those three." I indicated
my characters.
"Doesn't that make them fictional, too?" Chip asked.
"That is purely... Oh, I forget wether the word is objective
or subjective. In any case, they come a universe that greatly mirrors
mine, with only their own travels as one little difference."
Then Mademanna picked up a remote, and started clicking it
at me. I immediately asked "Little girl, what are you doing?"
"Seeing if Captain Planet is on."
I sighed, and said "You don't have to do that! Right now
it plays on the Cartoon Network, and I have enough tapes to record
every episode--there were only 130, after all--tell ya what, I'll
send you guys duplicates when I have 'em all, all right?"
She happily agreed.
"Oh drat, I'm out of time. Something has come up and I need
to investigate. I'll get back with you guys later. Kielbasa, out!"
Wow, I just redefined self-insertion, I SO HAPPY!
They all pitched in and took a nap. The girls all got the bed,
the guys got the floor. It got kinda cramped and most of them had to
sleep sitting. Joel slept next to the door.

PART FIVE: MAPPING EXPIDITION

When they woke up, they noticed wierd things. First,
it was still night, in fact the moon had turned from its normal
pale white color and had a slight shade of red which pervaded
the sky, not a good sign at all.
"This can't be right!" Mike said.
"Sure it can," Gadget suggested, "Perhaps we didn't sleep
as long as we thought? Something probably woke us up early, or
perhaps we just weren't that tired. Maybe we didn't really sleep
at all..."
"Nope," Mike said, "My watch clearly indicates that eight
hours have passed." He was right. It could only mean something
was wrong.
I think I startled them when I came on the same viewscreen
and said "Guys, I got to wa-n y-- it- s-m----ng you will --ver sus----"
Then I lost the signal. Apparently logic was blocking me (Time I
explained that, you see I have to make the tone of the story outright
silly before I can pull unrealistic stunts like this in a believable
manner. That's what the whole candy thing was about).
"Transmission must be jammed somehow," Gadget concluded,
obviously, "Could anyone make out the message?"
"I could," Chip said, "his exact words were 'I got to warn
you, it's something you will never suspect'."
"Aye, could be something dangerous," Monterey said.
"Gee, Monterey, what gives you that idea?" Tom said
sarcastically.
"I just think we should start lookin' about this ship, that's
all." Monterey responded, disregarding the sarcasm.
"I agree, Monty," Chip said, "Let's start with the outside.
There isn't as much room to cover out there, so we should be back in
before long."
Dale thought, and said "But, wouldn't it be faster for some
of us to check out the inside, too?"
"You remember the original message from 8-Bit Star, don't
you, Dale?" Chip responded, "We are not to split up under any
circumstances, this is not Scooby Doo--whatever that is. Mademanna,
can you read?"
"Yep."
"Can you write?"
"Yep."
"Can you make maps?"
"Yep!"
"Good, you're our mapmaker. Frog, you're usually perceptive,
take note of anything suspicious. Gadget, Tom, you help Mademanna.
Dale, Crow, you help Frog."
"Hey!" Crow said, "Why does Servo get to work with the ladies?"
"Because Servo doesn't act like you." Chip said, "Joel, Mike,
how strong are you?"
Joel and Mike looked at each other, unable to answer that
question as neither of them could remember having been put in a
position to test their strength. Joel answered "Err, Reasonably
strong," and Mike added, "I think."
Chip didn't have to ask about Pennywinkel. As far as
he knew, she could do many things, even be multi-purpose. When
she first arrived, she was the greatest threat the Rangers ever
knew, and once even took on all five of the Rangers at once,
and beat them all.
"Right then, you two, Monty, Pennywinkel, and me will make
up the guards, just in case, and Zipper is fast enough to scout ahead
and report back. We're all set, let's go." He wanted to say "Rescue
Rangers, Away!" but seeing as to how there were seven civilians (insofar
as they weren't actually part of any army or crime fighting outfit) and
only five Rangers, that would be widely inappropriate.

It was dark outside, except for the fact that the full moon
gave them a lot of light to see by (The moon actually gives off a
decent amount of light when it's not blocked by, say, clouds or
trees). The clouds made wierd, somewhat scary, sometimes beautiful
formations, and were giving Frog some sort of nostalgic tug. Finally
able to get off the clouds, he looked at the moon.
"Dale, Crow?" he called in a nervous fashion.
"Ya noticing something unordinary, Frog?" Dale wondered.
"Look at the moon, and tell me: Am I the only one bothered
by the fact that it has taken on a slight shade of red, and that
almost all the clouds seem to have some sort of designs, and a few
even have faces?"
Crow was going to respond sarcastically, until Frog mentioned
the clouds. "Now that you mention it, those are kinda wierd. They
all seem like some sorta monsters, or at least, non-friendly faces.
That one there looks like a hooded figure..."
Dale pointed out a dragon whom he felt was watching him
specifically. Frog, too, pointed out things that seem to have
features but no actual form.
"What are you guys doing?" Chip asked, coming up from behind.
"You three are supposed to be looking for anything suspicious!"
Frog immediately responded "What about those, do those count?"
pointing up at the sky, at the faces, and the moon.
"The moon is an odd color," Chip confirmed, "Note that. But
those cloud faces are just coincidence and mean nothing." Despite that,
the fact that he had indicated them, when no one had mentioned them
specifically, was very telling. He was a tad concerned, but still
trying to be sensible.
Frog took out a pad and pencil he was carrying (They found it
in the room in a drawer) and wrote down some things. Then they began
looking for ship-bound objects of suspicion.

Mademanna was sitting on the ground, also having some paper
found in that room on the ship, and using it. Gadget helped Mademanna
draw as down to scale as possible, and Mademanna was mostly mapping by
drawing what she could immediately see, counting doors but not windows.
When they got to having to do more detailed mapping, where she had to
fill in blank spots, was when it got difficult, as there were many dark
areas where they couldn't see and, thus, would not risk the trip, even
with any of the "Guards" by their side. This lasted until they discovered
that Tom Servo, amazingly, had a switch that lit up his head, making him
a walking lantern gumball machine hybrid thing and allowing them to see
the darker areas. Nevertheless one of the "Guards" always accompanied
them into these places of mystery.
The pattern went like this: Frog's group would note as many
things as possible, even the most trivial things, the minute they
thought of it. Mademanna's mapping group would draw out as much as
possible of one fourth of the ship, or a "Sector" as they called them.
After they've mapped and noted everything they could think of, they
would report to Chip, and move on the the next segment, going clockwise.
Their first sector was the upper-left-hand side of the ship
(Called that because no one could tell what direction it was facing),
therefore, the second was the upper-right, followed by the lower right
and left as the third and fourth sectors, respectively.
The second sector contained an entrance to the control room
of the ship, which they decided to explore after mapping the entire
outside area, an easily accomplished task. Frog had noted many things
before they got back around to this particular entrance, which they
now entered.
The room was a small, square room, with windows on all walls
except the one on the back, that wall having a door, an entrance to
the main hall of the ship. The only thing of note in here was the
control panels. Regretfully, something must be wrong with them,
because they weren't operating.
Gadget offered to attempt to fix them, but Chip said "Not
now. We still don't know the full extent of our situation, and for
that matter we don't even know where we are or what the ship's heading
is. We may very well try to get to America and end up in Antarctica
or something."
"And one more thing," Pennywinkel said from the back of the
room, "Something else is on the ship with us, which may be dangerous,
and I don't think you would want to risk whatever is on here getting
free on some continent."
While that was true, that raised questions and doubts in
all their minds. Perhaps maybe they're worrying too much, and
nothing is up anyway. Frog himself immediately discounted that,
knowing full well that Pennywinkel would not make a statement
like that if she didn't think there was something to it, that
and he had several suspicious things listed (Which I will tell
you about later), too many to be rubbed off as any sort of
coincidence.
After awhile, they left, and went back to the cabin.
Frog noted one final suspicious thing before he went in.

PART SIX: REVIEWING NOTES

They got back in the cabin, and they were glad to be
where they knew they were safe. Joel, at the insistence of
an irrationally paranoid Crow, put a dresser in front of the
door.
Chip put a table in the middle of the room, and called
for Mademanna's actually rather well-drawn map to be placed
on it. His next order of business was with Frog's group, who
had been writing down any suspicious thing they saw. He told
Frog's group to gather and report.
"Okay, these are all the suspicious things I've noticed
so far.
"First, I started with the trivial, obvious one all of
us have already noticed (Can't be too careful, ya know). When
we arrived on this ship, it was crawling with people, all of
whom pretty much immediately disappeared. Almost at the same
time, night had set in, and night refuses to go away, as confirmed
by Mike's watch." No comments, everyone had noticed this one.
Frog continued.
"Upon immediately going outside, I pointed out the moon
to my two companions. The moon, in my home universe, was usually
pale white. In cartoon universes, it is usually yellow. This
moon here is pale white by nature, but seems to have a shade of
red for some reason. Even more disturbing were the clouds, which
all either formed monsters or formed faces, which were *always*
looking at us, no exceptions. I don't think this is a coincidence."
This time Chip commented, saying "Frog, I told you those
were nothing."
"Yes, you did. And you did that *without* us having pointed
them out, meaning you must have noticed them too. As I said though,
one or two wierd clouds might be nothing, but the whole darn sky
certainly isn't.
"But now to the stuff you might think is worthwhile. Now,
I don't mean to scare anyone, but I think we were being followed."
He hesitated, seeing if anyone had anything to say. They didn't.
"Several times, one of us--and even two or, once, all three--happened
to see someone, or something, moving, who we couldn't quite see, as
it was always a distance away. Every time, one of us made sure
everyone was accounted for, and every time, you all checked out.
This figure appeared in many places, in fact I personally think
there was more than one. One was always behind us, for one, and
there was another one on the roof, and I swear there was one off
the side of the boat, occasionally holding on to the guard-rails."
Gadget and Servo had noticed the hands on the rails, because
Mademanna had made an issue about it. She wasn't scared, as she
could not grasp the signifigance of it, she simply said that the
hands got in the way of her mapmaking.

* * *

"Hands?" Gadget had said, "What hands?"
"Those!" Mademanna pointed. Tom was still lighted, went
over to the indicated area, with Gadget behind him.
Tom Servo had looked left and right, and finally concluded
"Sorry, Mademanna, but there's no one here."
"Oh," she immediately got back to her mapmaking, not thinking
a thing of this strange event.

* * *

"Interesting," Chip had noted, though the news was slightly
discomforting. These secret watchers, were they friend or foe?
Everyone was still calm, but the only one who didn't seem worried
was Pennywinkel. Chip knew well enough that this was because her
mind puts thoughts above emotions rather than emotions above thoughts.
He bade Frog continue.
"Okay. A very suspicious thing was in Sector Two, the upper-
right side of the ship. Near the command center, there was a box
of some sort, which had been blown to pieces. I had to reconstruct
it to find out what it was. In doing so, I found some fragments
that didn't go with the box, and looked up, and found that they
went with a fragment of the wall and roof. Seemed something had
went through them at an angle and hit the box. I put my head over
the box, and looked at that angle. Believe it or not, at that
angle, I saw the moon." Pretty much everyone had noticed this
little curious bit, but only Frog and his group had investigated
it, since that was their assigned task.
"The last thing, though, was one which still upsets me.
Before we came back in here, I took one last look at the moon.
It was now pale white, as it should be, but--and I know this
sounds crazy, so bear with me--the moon had a pupil! As in
the moon itself was an eye!"
Joel was thinking "No way!" as he looked towards the
window, forgetting that you can't see the moon from his angle.
He quickly forgot about the moon though, as he saw something
else to worry about. He covered his mouth to prevent lip-reading
and said "Guys, I'm going to turn the lights off. When I do,
look at the window."
He turned the lights off. What the group saw was two
round, red eyes, watching them through the window. They didn't
seem focused, in fact they kept changing their attention. Everyone
was horrified at this discovery.
Frog wasn't sure what came over him at that moment,
but he suddenly had an urge, which he acted on. He snuck around,
hoping to evade the attention of whatever was there. He got
below the window, where the thing couldn't possibly see him.
Then he suddenly punched the window. Fortunately said
window was hard as a rock and only vibrated a bit, but it was
enough to startle the living daylights out of the creature.
It backed away, finally allowing anyone who could get
near the window to see it's monstrous form.
And he wasn't a very happy monster, either.

PART SEVEN: MORE FUN THAN A BARREL OF MONKEY TERROR! OH YEA
AND THERE'S A BRIEF APPEARANCE BY ROGER WILCO, SPACE
HERO AND JANITOR EXTRAORDINARE!

I myself was about tired of all this monster stuff by
the time Mr. Monster busted the wall into kindling, since any
monster story becomes silly by the time everything is revealed,
so why prolong the inevitable? The monster's first order of
business was to grab Frog, MY first order of business was to
make contact.
And I did, appearing on a large viewscreen as I always
do. This, of course, scared the heck out of the monster (Which
I could now see was some reptilian thing).
"Growl, Growl!" It growled at me.
"Well, Cockadoodledoo to you too!" I yelled back, right
in it's face, before zapping it with beam rings and strait into
oblivion, all the time singing (to the tune of the Tiny Toons
theme) "I'm wacky / I'm crazy / I'm also somewhat lazy / I've
got a plan / It's risky / But what choices do you have?"
Chip immediately wondered "What is going on?"
"What's going on?" I says, "I'll tell ya what's going on!
I've become bored with this 'Mysterious watchers/Hidden enemies/
mysterious happenings' drivel, and am now writing the one genre
I love--lighthearted, hilarious stuff! Oh yea, and I've figured
it all out, too. I meant to tell you earlier, but the story was
too serious and I got cut off, but I fixed that."
"How?" Mike asked.
"Oh simple, I went under the screen name 'The Rush' and
even the most consistent fanfiction writing, even good writing
which doesn't involve superheroes, even with password protection,
you just CAN'T STOP THE RUSH!"
"Don't remind us, please!" Crow begged.
"Oh don't worry Crow," I sayeth. "Anyway, there are a bunch
of ghosts and zombies on the ship--Splatterhouse style zombies, not
the humanoid kind from Resident Evil--but they've been toned down
by yours truly to all resemble Power Rangers reject and be harmless.
Anyway, the big show here is run by Fake 8-Bit's Mary Sue--that's
slang for an author avatar character, just so ya know--A guy who
controls monsters and calls himself DMM, which stands for Demon
Master Mind. Now, by my twisted sense of logic, the only way to
defeat an evil avatar character is by me having a good avatar
character. Thing is, I can't decide who I want that to be, so
I'm making the decision easier."
"How?" Joel wondered.
"I'm putting the decision on you guys. It's simple really,"
I threw them out a wine bottle (Don't worry, it didn't have any
wine in it), "Now, all you have to do is, when you've decided who's
gonna be my avatar, you gots to bop them on the head with the bottle.
Don't worry, it has only water in it. You're not gonna find any
Tweetle Beetles fighting battles in a muddle puddle on a poodle
eating noodles or anything wierd like that."
Frog caught the wine bottle, and kept it in one of his
pockets. How he fits stuff there, we never will know.
"Oh, and Frog, something for you," I handed him a backpack--
yes, through the viewscreen--and he opened it, and was pleasantly
surprised.
"It's Mr. Recorder! And Mr. Laptop! I so happy!" He
sat down and hugged his favorite recorder and laptop. "Still want
a breathmint, huh? 8-Bit, you got breathmints?"
I did. In fact, I had some specifically made to make computer
breath smell wintery fresh.
Then I threw out a Nestle Wonderball, which bounced out threw
the big hole in the wall, and right into some guy hiding in the shadows.
All the while, I was singing "Oh I wonder what surprises a Wonderball
can find?"
Then all the lights came on, all by themselves, and we saw a
caped figure, black armor, black hair, about the size of Pennywinkel
and not at all unique.
"Who you?" Mademanna asked.
"He, my child," I sayeth, "Is DMM! Which probably stands for
Demon Master Mind, though I personally think it stands for Danger Mega
Mouse, or Daddy Mega Man, or Dull Muscle Men, or, heck, to hell with
the puns."
"Please, just call me Dimm, that causes less confusion," DMM
said.
Crow rolled his eyes and said "Okay, whatever you say--DIMM!"
then he bust out laughing, him and Tom both, while repeating the
name "Dimm" again and again.
Joel commented "Feels like home already."
Dimm (that actually IS funny, come to think of it) grabbed
the two bots, and said "Listen you two, I am the most threatening
villain known to man. Either show some respect or--"
"Hey!" Joel and Mike said simultaneously. Also at the
same time, they came up to Dimm and proceeded to start beating
the daylights out of him. Come to think of it, I don't think
there's much daylight to begin with, unfortunately I can't fix
that--yet. Anyway, Dimm released his grip on the two bots, and
managed to retreat from the two attackers, saying "You won't
escape me for long, I am the Demon Master Mind, and I will return!
Until then, you'll have to deal with my monsters, who are now
over-running the ship! MWAHAHAHAHA!" and he runneth off.
The two bots were still laughing, and Crow said "Man, this
is a lot more my style!" To which Tom added "Yea, nothing like
the scary stuff we've been going through! This is much better!"
Pennywinkel came up behind them and said "Of course,
enjoyment is what life is all about, right 8-Bit Star?"
"Too true, babe, and I don't care if it involves unsanitary
acts of INDUUUULLLLGENCE or not! Fun is fun, and speaking of fun,
Everyone, I've got some things for you, gather round!"
They gathered. I handed out candy, while singing "Oh I
wonder what surprises/A Wonderball can hide?/Yummy balls of
chocolate/with candy shapes inside!"
"Candy?" Crow, Tom, Dale, and Frog said at the same time.
"Will this intoxicate us again?" Everyone else said.
I confirmed that it would. Indeed, this candy is my version
of a deus ex machina device, used whenever the heck I feel this story
isn't light-hearted and silly enough.
"Looketh out, guys! There be tons of zombies converging on
thee at ye very minute!"
Everyone looked. They was surrounded.
But I, being me who I am, have a few tricks up me sleeve.

"I'm telling you, Vohaul, I -DO- have something to do with
this story!"
"And I'm telling YOU, Roger Wilco, that you -DON'T!-"
Just then, in a 60s-ish Star Trek transporter effect,
Wilco was out of there, and right on the ship. In fact, he
was right in front of some zombies.
"Growl, Growl!" Said the zombies, but Roger bravely
cowered in fear as he pulled out his truest weapon, the Trash
Zapper (Which he's had ever since Space Quest 3) and zapped
the trashy zombies. Seeing it's effect, he became much more
characterized and started blasting those zombies, and the
narrator kept making stupid jokes.
No one was around to care, however, as Joel unblocked
the door and they headed into the hallway. Now, I'm not crude
enough to say exactly what happened to Roger Wilco, it was tragic,
but I'll put it simply that his worst fear came true.
He had to reload his save game.

In the hall, there were only twelve people not worried,
those twelve people were the five Rescue Rangers and the seven
civilians. Wait, I just named the entire cast of main heroes.
Ah well.
Mademanna started mapping again, heedless of the scary
Power Rangers rejects who took up the entire hallway. She actually
squeezed past one, and said "Excuse me."
It seemed that, of all of them, only Chip, Gadget, and
Monterey had any threads of sane normality left. Everyone else
came along, because they belonged, they'll felt the fizz and...
oh, ditch the references. Simply put, everyone else knew very
well that I would not let any harm come to them, and besides,
the tone of the story has changed.
"Shouldn't we work on trying to defeat Dimm?" Chip
suggested. "We must decide who is to be 8-Bit's avatar and
we must decide quickly!"
But at that immediate moment, they had many things to
worry about. One, the lights went out. Two, when they came
back on, the hall was like, empty. Everyone was gone.
Well, I used Compiler (My own little rip-off of Quantum
Leap's Ziggy) to track them down. It seemed the guys had all
been devided up into groups. Crow, Mike, and Tom were in one
room somewhere, Chip, Monty, and Zipper in another, and Frog,
Joel, and Dale in the last room.
And the girls?

PART EIGHT (WE LOSING COUNT YET?): DIMM'S FAILED ATTEMPTS AT
ROMANCE

Time to explain something about Dimm. Since he's the
avatar of my evil counterpart, he happens to be one thing I'm
not: Predictable. In fact, he adheres to old cliches (even
down to black being a fashion statement). Naturally, he has
to show everyone that he has a romantic attraction to the female
good-guy cast (Possibly because the female bad-guy cast are
all latex-covered actors pretending to be undead). As such,
he did the lights-out technique, captured all three of the
female characters, and put them in three totally seperate
sound-proof rooms.

By tradition, the first girl he had to try to get
off the ground with was Gadget, since she's a regular. Dimm
felt sick just thinking about this part, since he actually
WASN'T attracted to Gadget in any way.
Taking a deep breath, he entered the room where he
had put her, and found her awake on the bed.
"Gadget," he said, closing the door. "Ummm... how
can I say this? Ummm..." This guy bites at lying.
As if to give him some time before he had to oblige
villain cliches, Gadget asked "Where am I? What have you done
with the others?"
Still twiddling his fingers, he looked at her in a
way that said he had something else on his mind, and answered
"Umm, I put the guys in rooms on the top floor. Don't worry,
they're all unharmed. The other two girls are next door to
you. No one is hurt. In fact, until my creator gains leverage
over the Real 8-Bit Star, I can't actually hurt any of you in
a meaningful way." He didn't realise how wrong that sounded.
"Oh, really," She said sarcastically, "And who exactly
are these 8-Bit Star people? All we know is that they write
fanfiction or something, one is apparently bent on getting us
destroyed."
He was still twiddling his fingers nervously, and
said "Well, the Real 8-Bit Star, all we know for sure is that
his first name is James, and that he's obsessed with old cartoons,
games, and a few movies, and whatever facts he makes known about
himself. We don't even know what he really looks like yet. The
Fake one, on the other hand, I can't really tell you anything
outside of what you already know, otherwise I will be destroyed."
Gadget nodded in understanding, though she didn't quite
believe him.
"Anyway," Dimm continued, "I was going to ask... will
you... ummm... you... will you be... my... beau?" he couldn't
think of a better word.
Gadget wasn't at all surprised that she was asked this.
After all, it seemed that all the evil people wanted her for
themselves. She gave him the same answer she had given the
rest so many times before, which was "How can I be the beau
of an evil person like you?"
Surprisingly for her, however, Dimm wiped his brow and
sighed with relief. "Thanks," he said, "I was hoping you'd say
that." He went on to explain fanfic villain tradition. Gadget
just kinda rolled her eyes, in an "I'm not believing this" kinda
way.
Still relieved and feeling fresh, Dimm just kinda left
the room, kinda. He just kinda walked down the way a bit to
another room. Actually, these rooms were actually kinda like
bedroom-sized closets to the very huge, open room right outside
them. Just kinda, ya know?
Well he kinda entered the second room and kinda closed
the door.
In this room was Pennywinkel, who had also just woke
up and was lying on a bed.
This time the guy felt more confident. He hadn't really
wanted to lift it off with Gadget, whom he had no similarities
with. Pennywinkel he had a bit more actual liking for.
"Well?" Pennywinkel asked. She was sitting up and looking
at him now.
He came over, and sat on the edge of the bed, and began,
saying "I was wondering--"
"No, I'm not going to be your girlfriend. Don't even
bother trying."
"But Penny! We--"
She suddenly slapped him, and said "Never abbriviate my
name, understand?"
"Sorry. Pennywinkel, we have so many similarities! We
can both alter reality, we can both think multidimensionally, and
you were a villain at one time, a good one! We can both fight!"
She laid back down, crossing her arms behind her head, and
said "Well, Mr. Lovelust, unlike everyone else, I perfectly remember
that little mission we were on in the beginning, with that Rush guy.
Tell me, was that part of this fanfic that is supposed to destroy
reality? Well, looking at it from a writing perspective, rather
than as an actual experience, that tells me a lot about your creator's
writing. Specifically, he doesn't give enough of a whit to make it
good."
She waited, and Dimm asked for an explanation. "Okay, Dimm,"
she said, "As I remember, I could not alter reality back then, because
some collar prevented it. That was a totally ludicrous out, as my
'altering' reality was more due to that I knew what strings to pull
to get my way, but your writer seemed to take it as 'I wave my hand
and stuff happens' and I'm supposing that's how it actually -DOES-
go for you. I have a somewhat logical explanation for my ability,
you don't.
"I also have my doubts about you thinking multidimensionally.
Going by previous logic, I have to actually figure things out. More
than likely, -You- just happen to simply be able to make impossible
deductions."
Dimm had something to say here, and rebuttled "But, didn't
you once bounce a ball around a room and hit Chip smack in the
head?"
She sat up again, and said "That was completely logical.
I had to take into account what exact motions I'd have to make
to get the ball to do what I wanted, as well I knew something
about Chip's personality so I had to take into account his likely
course of action. There was probably only a five percent chance
of error. Again, perfect logic." She laid back down, "Again, I
have to think, you simply know. Not the same thing at all."
"But I can also read minds..."
"See? Your creator does not have any grasp of the concept
at all if he somehow thought Mind Scrying equaled being psychic.
Mind Scrying means I can figure out someone's personality from
minutinae, being psychic would mean I could read thoughts. I
can't."
Dimm was losing badly and he knew it. He still had one
card. "Okay then, I can still fight!"
Pennywinkel sighed. She was getting more than tired of
this whiny loser excuse for a Demon Master Mind. "Again, I'm
a product of someone who actually -Tried- to write. You were
a hackjob given abilities on the spot with no real reasoning
or explanation. I'm guessing your fighting skills are top-
notch, that you know more martial arts than I could imagine,
and possibly you have a mechanical arm or possibly a few
gadgets, right?"
"Why, yes! In fact I fit that description perfectly!"
he blurted out, immediately wishing he hadn't.
"That's my point. You've got all the earmarks of a
Mary Sue, an author avatar, even down to being a ludicrous,
stupid, boring character with abilities exaggerated to Dragon
Ball Z level.
"And one more thing, there is a difference between
'Martial Arts' and 'Fighting Styles' the fighting styles are
a subgroup of Martial Arts, not it's main ingredient. Martial
Arts itself involves culture, religion, and I believe a few
other things that have nothing to do with fighting.
"I rest my case." She finished.
Dimm, bitter and defeated (That's almost funny), got up
and was about to walk away, when he turned. He took one last
look at Pennywinkel, and asked "Before I go, can I kiss--"
"Do it and die." She said simply, though threateningly
enough to convince Dimm-witted that she meant it.

[Before we continue, I would like to say that Pennywinkel's
opinions almost never reflect mine. Oh, and yes, there -IS-
a difference between Martial Arts and Fighting Styles, and
Pennywinkel was right when she said fighting was just a
sub-group]

Bitter and defeated, Dimm left Pennywinkel in her room.
Since I don't believe in repeating information that should just
be assumed, I'm not going to tell you that he locked the door.
Since there are only three female characters, you can
guess who was in the last room. Well, Dimm went in and found
that Mademanna was awake, and furthermore she had apparently
found herself a Rubix Cube and was totally wrapped up in the
thing, and could care less if the Yakuza had walked in.
He, again, sat on the bed, and put an arm around her.
She still didn't seem to notice, so he said "Hey, little girl."
He actually succeeded at trying to sound friendly.
"Hello." She said in response, still mostly wrapped
up in that darn cube.
"And how are you doing, eh?"
"Me fine." Still into that cube.
Dimm was too dim to know how to hit it off with someone
who he knew didn't understand the concept of romance, a fact
which he had to figure out himself since his creator certainly
didn't know that. Let's see, he thought, what would get a little
girl excited?
He thought of something, and said "Do you like cartoons?"
"Sure." She stopped playing with the danged cube for a
minute to listen.
"Okay then. Hidden in this wall is a television set and
a VCR, so I've decided to be nice and let you watch some cartoons.
Now, let's see, something little girls would like... I know! What
about Bugs Bunny? Kids love Bugs Bunny!"
She looked at him in a "Well, ummm, no" kinda way, and said
"No like dumb rabbit."
He thought again. "How about Mickey Mouse? Or Donald Duck?"
"No like those either." She started playing with the Rubix
Cube again.
Okay, he really thought. What kind of junk would little girls
watch? He thought and thought, and finally said "What about...
Princess Guinevere and the Jewel Riders?"
Mademanna gave him that "You're an idiot, aren't you?" look,
and immediately went back to her Rubix Cube.
"Well then, child, what -do- you like? Pick a cartoon, any
cartoon, I've got every episode of every cartoon ever made!" This of
course proves that Pennywinkel was right about the writing skill that
went into making this character, but that wasn't my problem. He
ain't -MY- character, ya know.
Anyway, that line about having "Every episode of every cartoon
ever made" made Mademanna smile like she was gonna say something clever,
at least as far as Dimm was concerned. Everyone else knows what she's
going to say.
"Captain Planet!" She said.
Dimm slapped himself, once for being dumb enough to think that
one of my child characters would have the same favorite hero as all
other child characters, and two for thinking my girl character would
stereotypically watch shows meant specifically for females. That's
Frog's domain. He then slapped himself again for thinking that there
was no possible way this could be her choice show.
"Why slap yourself so much?" Mademanna wondered.
"Ummm, there was a fly on my head. In any case, sure, I got
Captain Planet. You want to watch them all in order or...?"
"Sure."
"Fine." Waving his hand, he produced an official release of
"A Hero For Earth" the pilot episode. He put it on the bed, and said
"Before I slip it in, and this may sound like a strange question for
a young one such as yourself, can I kiss you?" Gee, doesn't he have
such romantic depth?
Mademanna had to think about that, but not for long. In her
mind, it was just a simple favor he was asking. She couldn't believe
there might be some meaning behind it.
"Well, ummmm..." She was thinking, really hard, "I... ummm...
Well..."
"Now, don't think about it too hard!" He was actually
concerned, you see, he knew she was a robot, and not knowing much
about robots in general, or about Mademanna, he had the odd belief
that too much thinking would cause her brain to explode (which it
wouldn't).
It took some thinking, but Mademanna eventually leaned back,
closed her eyes, and said "Fine, kiss me."
The kiss that followed was long and passionate, and Dimm
certainly took his time. Of course, this being a Rescue Rangers
fanfic, the most passionate kiss in the world doesn't amount to
a hill of grain if the girl is someone other than Gadget.
He finally pulled off of her, and said "Now, let's watch
that show."

Maybe this chapter should have been called "Dimm's Somewhat
Failed Attempts at Romance." In his defense though, Mademanna
isn't really THAT much younger or smaller than Pennywinkel, she's
just a lot more innocent and naive (That was provided solely for
the purpose of those who haven't read "Dumb Frog and the Rescue
Rangers").

PART NINE: THE "YOU MUST BE KIDDING" CHAPTER

Chip, Monty, and Zipper found themselves in the control
room that they had found earlier. Getting up, they found that,
architecture-wise, nothing had changed. However, content-wise,
everything had changed, as now there were monsters galore, and
no me in sight.
"Don't worry, little pally, I can handle these things!"
Monterey said, despite his rising tensions.
Chip, on the other hand, didn't seem at all concerned.
He opened the door, and, turning to say "That won't be nesecary,
Monterey." he walked out, and did the one thing he's always wanted
to do, ever since he became a Rescue Ranger, ever since he first
crossed paths with criminals like Nimnul and Fat Cat.
He walked up to one of the monsters, a particularly
mean-looking one, and decided that this ugly thing was just as
good as any for a start. He searched his mind, his soul, and
brought up all the torments, frustrations, annoyances, and
anything else he could think of that made him angry to think
about, and released all that anger right into that ugly monster
via a right fist. Furthermore he continued beating it until
it fell over the side of the ship. At that point, he was
satisfied. It bites to hold all that anger and frustration
inside for years, and Chip was already thankful that he had
gotten a chance to release it, the one thing that had made
him such a, well, jerk all these years. Furthermore he was
glad he released it on someone other than Dale. He never
liked bonking Dale, and it had only added to his frustration
and self-anger, despite it all seeming reasonable at the
time.
Monterey never knew Chip had it in him, what with
Chip having been strung up on all that planning and detection
he liked to preach about.
Chip came back in to the control room, closed the door,
and said "Okay, let's go," and opened the other door, the one
leading inside the ship.

Soon enough, Compiler had found Dale, Joel, and Frog
for me. They were in the kitchen, where all the food was being
ravaged by hungry monsters. All three gaped in shock. All
three were thinking "Noooo! Our fooood!"
But I appeared to them, not in a dream or vision, but
yet again on a nearby wall, and said "Yes, you must avenge your
fallen food! It's about time we kicked some monster booty. I
for one am about ready to wrap this stupid story up and I need
your help. And I've got some presents.
"For you, Joel, are these Waffles of Power! Manipulated
by whatever I could hack into Baldur's Gate, these Waffles of
Power shall bestow extra-human abilities on you, and they really
really work.
"For you Dale, is this, the Pixie Stick of Power! It
does pretty much the same thing as the Waffles, but it's a
Pixie Stick! Available at no charge or your money back!
"And Frog, since I know you love yer old cartoon references
and are a vegetarian, I am giving you some Spinach! Yes some
Spinach! It snaps off any cap size, is actually pretty good,
and really really works!
"You three may eat your foodstuffs now!"
As it was, they all three just ravishly ate their gifts
up, and were gifted with the superpowers which I would make last
as long as I could. Then they rushed out, and beat up the monsters
in a Double Dragon-ish fight scene. Three player Double Dragon!
Sega, hot hits today, hot hits on the way! [Shows scene of some
kid playing all this on a Sega Master System]
Within minutes, the monsters and ghoulies and things
decided they were better off in a Capcom game where they could
make life tough for a player. I hear one of the little devils
even got his own series of video games. Ah well.

Mike, Crow, and Tom were even more lucky. I managed to
design in their unmapped part of the ship to really help them
out. Right outside their closet they had found a bunch of switches.
Unfortunately due to Fake 8-Bit Star they also found some zombies
and a creepy spider monster.
Mike did the obvious and ordered everyone to start flipping
switches--they were the big kind you have to really push on, not
the little itty bitty wall-switch kind.
Mike's first switch yielded electricity, Crow's first switch
gave him a mushroom. He grabbed the Mushroom and became big.
"Drat," Servo said, "All I got was a measly dollar!"
"Hey, you can get a lot with a dollar!" Mike said, "Ever
hear of 10-10-220?"
"Don't start, Mike!" Servo said.
"Look at me, I'm Big Crow!" Crow said. He whacked two zombies,
then said "Yea, you monster thingies can't beat me now!"
The Spider thinger then attacked Crow, causing him to shrink
back to normal size. "Oh, darn," he said as he continued to flick
switches, which got them more measly dollars, a boomerang, a few
rupees, a bow and arrow, some bombs, and all eight pieces of the
Triforce.
While the bots had been trying all the weapons to no avail
as well as switching more switches which ended up summoning the entire
casts of Pilotwings, Smash Bros., Starfox, and even Uniracers (Yep,
them Unicycles did a -GREAT- job fighting the arachnoid man!) Mike
had decided to put together the triforce. When he did, he wondered
what he was gonna do with it.
He didn't wonder for long as he went over to the human spider
thingy, looked it strait in the eye, and bashed the triforce over its
head, fragmenting the darned triforce into eight pieces once again.
Then he pointed at the form and says "Now you're playing with power!"
"Super power!" Crow chimed in.
"Well, technically," Tom said, "That is the Triforce of Wisdom,
but yea, we sure showed him! Let's find our friends and get out of
here."

By pure luck alone, they all arrived in the huge room that
housed the three rooms the girls were locked in the house that Jack
built. There's Jack right now, gloating wildly.
"You are too late, heroes!" Dimm said, "Already I have won
the heart of the young one you call Mademanna, and having completed
the rites of Villain Cliches, will now make her my eternal prisoner..."
"Hold it!" Joel said, "Wasn't the idea to defeat you and
save the universe? What's with this 'Rescue the girl' tangent?"
Dimm thought, dimly, and said "Oh, just for the heck of it,
I guess. In any case, You're gonna have to break out the other two!"
"I can handle that!" Frog sayeth. "Which one houses Gadget?"
He asked. Dimm pointed out the appropriate door, and said "Why?"
Then Pennywinkel kicked her door across the room, hitting Dimm,
and Frog said "That's why." He then went up to the door he had said
housed Gadget, pulled out a magic yoyo, and made a colorful swinging
effect which blew up the door. If you've ever played the Arcade game
"Strider" you probably have an idea what this looks like.
Dimm, however, got up as he was doing this, managing to lift
the heavy metal door off himself, and ran up to the door to the room
which contained Mademanna, and compacted that door into a nice square
box, leaving only a nondescript wall. Then he turned and said "You
will never take her away from me unless you can get this door back!
Door, door, who's got the door?"
At that point, he created duplicates of himself that circled
the group.
"Man," Crow said, "This is starting to remind me of The Wild
World of Batwoman." (an early Mike-Era MST3K episode).
Dimm and his dupes kept circling, and circling. Then what
should happen but that everyone, at the same time, got the idea of
sticking their foot in his path. As it was, Monterey Jack got the
guy, and beat him to a pulp. Oh yea, he found the nice square door
too, and gave it to Dale who put it back up right where it used
to be, and then unlocked and opened it, and out stepped Mademanna.
"Give up?" Monty asked.
"Not yet, I still have one last card up my sleeve..."
Then I appeared, and said "Wow, geeze, you guys seem to be
winning thus far! Good, now we just need me an avatar to finish
him off..."
"Hey, 8-Bit," Frog asked, "One thing still bothers me. What
was with the moon earlier? I mean, it was creepy."
"Oh, that. The moon is actually an eye that can shoot laser
beams, nothing special."
Just then the moon started shooting laser beams. Always
missing, of course, but the ship was taking damage.
"Hah!" Dimm said, "No way to beat the moon!"
Suddenly, Dimm was hit from behind by someone with a wooden
plank. He turned to confront his attacker, only to realise it was
none other than Mademanna, who continued to bash him with the plank
while yelling "Make moon stop, make moon stop!"
"Calm-ow!-down-oof!-child!"
"Make stop, make stop!"
"All right!" He turned to the moon, and said "Moon, stop
firing, go disintegrate or something!"
The moon disintegrated. Sure, it immediately reformed,
but now it was an absolute normal moon, no lasers, no nothing.
too late though, as it had already done it's damage, and the
ship was sinking.
"Aw smick," Frog said, "Geez, it may be me, but it
always seems that when you've delt with one problem, another
rises. Maybe if I weren't raised on comics."
"Oh please," Mike said, "If my calculations are correct,
this boat is sinking at like an inch an hour. We can still decide
on an avatar character and defeat the phantom blot here by then."
"He's right," Gadget confirmed, "None of these holes are
terribly large, and they're limited to pretty much one small section
of the ship."
"Well then, it's time we decided, once and for all!" Chip
said.

PART TEN: SEARCH FOR AN AVATAR

The first thing that happened was that Dimm tried to
exit the room. He was caught by Joel and Mike (Gee, I sure
seem to have those two working together alot, don't I?) and
held in place while Chip made the decision. Now was character
analysis time.

Off the bat, Chip mentally marked out Crow, Tom, and
Mademanna. Mademanna because he could never imagine her being
able to kill anyone, even for the sake of saving the universe,
Tom and Crow because they weren't terribly strong, and Chip
personally felt that they were more inclined towards practical
jokes than saving the universe.
Now he decided to be a little more systematic. He
thought about the Rangers. Zipper he counted out immediately
for obvious reasons (Like the fact that having a bottle bashed
on him would kill him). He also scratched out Gadget, as this
sort of thing would probably be totally opposite of her normally
non-violent nature (Unless he could make her mad, of course).
Dale would probably be able to do it. Chip remembered clearly
the day he had become "RamDale" and almost killed the Rangers.
More likely, in Chip's mind, he would probably foul up somehow.
That left himself and Monterey Jack. Chip wished he hadn't
spent his anger on that hideous monster on the deck, then he
could just bash the bottle on himself and not have to worry,
but heck knows Monterey Jack would probably be able to take
care of the Demon Master Mind quickly and easily.
Now he considered the remaining civilians, that is,
Joel, Mike, Frog, and Pennywinkel. He had seen earlier that
both Joel and Mike were capable fighters, at least when it
counted. Joel was a rational thinker and Mike had more than
enough common sense. However, Chip got the feeling that these
people were the types who would always hate themselves for
taking a life. They were just too, well, happy and cheery
for this job.
He knew for a fact that Pennywinkel could fight.
No one is to say she can't, after all she did, once, take
on all five of the Rangers at the same time and emerge
victorious. That was back when she was evil. Afterwards,
she had essentially gotten bored of being evil and had
turned good.
Then there was Frog. Chip, for some reason, felt that
this role was tailor made for Frog, probably because of the
new revelation that he's the brainchild of the same fanfic
writer who is now working to save their universe. Chip,
however, did not like the thought of giving Frog the role
of Avatar. Despite that Frog usually portrayed enough common
sense to help his companions--sometimes, anyway--he had never
been truly dependable, and in fact had never exactly been useful,
except for once during a lazer tag-like game. Also, despite
Frog having trained for a whole day, Chip had never seen him
use his sword even once. Still, though, he could not shake
that feeling.

"Monterey Jack, Pennywinkel, Frog, come over here."
Chip said. They came and stood around him. He spoke, "As
I see it, we four are the only truly viable choices in this
matter. One of us will have to be the avatar. Frog, give
me the bottle. Now, which of you thinks you can handle it?"
He thought "Drat" to himself when they all said
they could handle it. Wether he wanted it or not, the
decision was still on Chip.
"You're having trouble deciding, aren't you?" Pennywinkel
said.
"Yes. I don't want to pick myself, because..."
"Because you think we'll misread your decision." Chip
looked at her. She had nailed it right on the spot. "I understand
completely CHip, but you're worrying too much. No one is going to
think you're being self-centered if you choose yourself. We know
you too well."
"That's not all. I also have this feeling. Don't take this
the wrong way, but something tells me that Frog should be the one."
Silence. Everyone knew Frog's track record, even Frog
himself.
"Look, Pally," Monterey said, "Gut feelins' are usually
right, that's one thing I learned in me travels. If your gut says
to choose Frog, then choose Frog! Sure he's made a few mistakes.
In fact, maybe this whole bunch of happenings was set up solely
so he could make up for all of 'em!"
"Or perhaps," Pennywinkel suggested, "Your misreading your
feeling. It could be that Frog is supposed to make the choice, not
play the part."
Chip managed a weak smile, and returned the bottle to Frog,
saying "Well then, here Frog. Do whatever you think is best!"

Just then, however, Dimm did a spin attack, sending Joel
and Mike flying, but not too far. He started walking, and noticed
there was water in the floor. Only a small puddle, but it was
slowly growing. He figured the time for it had come.
"Okay, mine enemies, listen up!" He caught everyone's
attention, "There's a little truth I must tell you, about our
universe. Contrary to what you guys may have thought, we are
not in the Ranger universe! We are, in fact, within a little
nothing universe set up as temporary sanctuary until your friend
the Real 8-Bit Star could fix the Rangerverse! This is a completely
watery world, with the only dry walking place anywhere being this
boat, and this boat is sinking. At most, we probably have about
eight hours until we have to swim, and then only if we stay on the
higher decks!
"However, I could save us all, but I do require a price."
Chip rolled his eyes, and said "Okay, what?" He didn't
actually figure he actually would try to cut a deal with this
guy, as that would defeat all they had worked for, he was just
curious.
Dimm walked to the other side of the room, put an arm around
Mademanna, walked up to Frog with her in tow, and said "First of all,
her. Second, I want that bottle."
Frog, however, drove a hard bargain. "How do I know you won't
simply take the two and leave us to drown? You are, after all, an
avatar of a villain, and I know all the old cliches."
"Would you rather drown?"
"Howsabout this: You can have the bottle in advance. Fix
the leak and you can have Mademanna. Sound fair?" Frog grabbed
Mademanna, pulling her to his side, and held out the bottle.
"No, give me both now then I'll fix the leak!"
"Can't. As I said, there's a large chance you'll simply
go back on your word. Here's the bottle. Fix the leak, and you
can have the girl. That is my final offer."
"Well, if you're going to be that way--"
He didn't get to complete his thought, as Mademanna grabbed
the bottle, bashed it over Dimm's head, and said "Fix leak!"
Everyone gasped in shock as the bottle broke into tiny pieces.
Unthinkingly, Mademanna had picked what was possibly the wrong avatar.
"Oops!" She smiled innocently.

PART ELEVEN: SO WHAT EXACTLY -IS- A "MIND MEDIA" ANYWAY?

I, of course, had been on the wall, watching this the
whole time, and said "Don't be sorry, child! Believe it or not,
your little accident may be the key to our salvation! This is
the out I've been looking for. He wasn't lying when he told
you about this universe."
"So what are we gonna do?" Gadget asked.
"Simple. As you can see, he is now alternating between
being a good and evil avatar. When he's good, we can get him to
use all the powers his Mary Sue self can muster to build a portal
to get you guys back home!"
Temporarily he was good, and fixed the leak in the boat
magically. The water was ankle-deep. He then turned and said
"That isn't going to be easy! Even with me being a Mary Sue and
all, I still have to abide by the will of the Mind Media."
Everyone turned towards him, and I asked "The what?"
"The Mind Media! Okay, let me try to explain it. First,
there was barbaric thoughts, then there were civilized thoughts.
After that, came thoughts of justice, which were followed later
by thoughts of honor and nobility. This isn't even mentioning
the always-present religious thoughts. Thoughts define who or
what a person is, essentially.
"Enter the Mind Media. The Mind Media has been an
omnipresent force, and has existed ever since the invention of
the Radio, and thrived in the era of television, and now reaches
it's peak in the era of computers. Whatever He, She, or more
than likely It is, the Mind Media has been haunting us. It causes
good men to suddenly go bad or bad men to go good recklessly and
randomly, changing good thoughts to evil and back. It can reduce
a genius to the IQ of a dog and back, and more recently, it can
cause imaginations to run amuck, creating new universes for the
purposes of destroying old characters.
"That is really what all this is about. The Mind Media
saw the Rescue Rangers as trash that needed to finally be thrown
away, which is exactly what it is attempting to do. It implanted
the thought of destroying the Rangerverse in the mind of my creator,
telling him exactly what to do, knowing that something like this
would probably happen, but believing it would win anyway. It's
will is hard, almost impossible, to go against, and I don't think
I'm that powerful." Dimm looked down, seeming like he had been
defeated. His hair was grey, showing that he was not on anyone's
side.
"Nonsense!" I said, "Of course you can do it. After all,
have we not been defying the Mind Media's will for quite some time?
The plan was to destroy the Rangerverse, no? Then what are these
guys from a totally different show doing here? Furthermore, why
is some author pretending to be me and using my characters? I
somehow doubt the Mind Media authorized either one, and you are
part of the Fake 8-Bit Star. Not only that, you are also part
of me, and you know how I am. For all I care, the Mind Media
can kiss itself."
He looked up at me, hope in his eyes, and I was looking
back with determination. He then said "If you think I can do
it, I will most certainly try." He then sat down, and started
trying to do some sort of meditation, calling on every last bit
of Mary Sue he could muster.
I myself decided I couldn't let him do it alone, so I
punched a few codes into Compiler that I hoped would give him
enough juice to run on.

X C V M N F R T E

E R T Y L K J A U

W E Y U T I P O A

None of that translates into anything meaningful, but
that was the code that Dimm needed. He found now that he could
generate a portal back to the Ranger Universe, a big one, and
I ordered everyone to go through. There was a problem however:
Dimm could not go through the portal. He had to keep concentrated
to keep it open.
Since everyone was gone, I told him "Close it." He did,
and awaited orders. "Dimm," I said, "Do you want to be my avatar?"
Dimm had to think long and hard about that, and finally, he
asked "Well... what is it like? Being an Avatar, I mean?"
"Well, there are three types of Avatars. Evil Avatars, Good
Avatars, and My Avatar. You were an Evil. A Good is a hero who
is physically invincible and is always right."
"And yours?"
"My Avatars are incompetent, dense, overloaded with
weaknesses, and have an obsession with old games and cartoons."
That horrified him, so he said "I'd rather die!"
"Suit yourself."
In five minutes, the Nothingverse went kapowie. I'm
pretty sure Dimm is stiff as a board right now though.

PART TWELVE: LAST STRANDS AND GOODBYES - THE MIND MEDIA CLOSES

The Rangers, the Crew, and the Kids were still reeling from
the events, and were making small talk about it to help it sink in.
"Ya know, come to think of it," Mike said, "there are some
things that still bother me. First off, we never found out what
the deal was with all the people disappearing! Did they become
zombies or what?"
I popped up on the television, saying "I can answer that
one, Mike. You see, I had originally planned on dropping you guys
off in a little vacation universe so you could enjoy yourselves
and bide your time while we restored your universe. However, the
Fake 8-Bit Star found you guys and made life miserable, so we had
to rush it up. Any other questions?"
"Yea!" Dale said, "Exactly how did you restore our universe
anyway?"
"Now that was actually rather easy. Me and my helpers simply
had to re-write the pilot episode and save the script to a text file.
"There is one thing that bothers me, though. I wanna know
exactly who the Fake 8-Bit Star was, as do we all."
Just as they were about to offer suggestions, however, the space
on my side of the screen was cut in half, with me being on the left,
and Dr. Clayton Forrester being on the right.
"Well well, look what the cat dragged in! I wondered where
you dolts ran off to! You'll be sorry when you get back because I
have lined up a selection of the worst movies, cartoons, and fanfics
ever thought of!" What bothered me was the fact that he had something
metallic on his arms.
"Hey, Dr. Wily, this is -MY- turn to talk tube talk! And
furthermore, why are you wearing that armor?"
He looked over at my side, then did a double take. "Who the
heck are you?"
"I'm the Real 8-Bit Star. And why are you wearing that armor?"
"You're the real 8-Bit Star? Oh, the armor? Umm, yes, well...
I was doing my Dr. Claw impression... Waitaminute! I meant there was
a big fight outside, and..."
I didn't wait for him to finish. I had figured it out already.
Instead I punched him, then shoved his half off-screen. Then I said
"Scratch my last question, I think I know who the imposter was. Anyway
guys, I've got some things to say.
"First, you guys should enjoy this moment as much as possible.
Crow, Tom, Joel, Mike, you guys are going to have to go back to where
you came from. Yes, the Satellite.
"By the way, when the MST3K group goes, there also will go the
only out I have to talking with you guys, since all your Universe's
logic will return to normal.
"On the other hand, much as I would like it to be possible,
the MST3K group can't stay here, they have a universe to return to.
There's another thing too. Your universe has just been rebuilt,
and is therefore unstable. It needs a few weeks for stability to
set in, and having outworlders upsets that balance."
Crow looked kinda sad, and said "Well, yea, I know all that,
but when we get back, we'll have to deal with Forrester! Even more,
we'll miss these guys."
"Well, Crow," I said trying to be cheerful, "There is a
bright side. For you, anyway. I said that outworlders would upset
the balance, and I meant outworlders. Basically, Frog, Pennywinkel,
and Mademanna, and Dimm if he lives, will have to come with you to
your more stable universe until the Rangerverse settles down a bit.
I'm heading over to the Satellite now. I'm going to open a portal
from there to here, since there I can keep it open since your universe
has little or no actual logic. Furthermore, I can jerry the SoL and
send you an occasional GOOD fanfic or movie, so don't worry about
Forrester. Okay?"
It was okay, however there were many tearful goodbyes,
despite me having outright stated that they would probably all be
coming back. Crow took the news the hardest, and for Chip, it
was almost like he was losing, well, four Dales, that and they
had gotten used to Frog and his little eccentricies, and it was
going to be hard to re-adjust.
And everyone in the room loved Mademanna, the only person
who could look a zombie in a face, get kissed by a villain, and
probably even be in immediate danger and not think a thing of it.
(On the other hand, no one seemed to care that Pennywinkel
was going).

I know, you're probably thinking "Is this the end of the
adventures with Dumb Frog, Pennywinkel, and Mademanna, now that
they've left the Ranger Universe?" In fact, it isn't. They'll
be back sometime in the near future. Count on it.

EPILOGUE: POSSIBILITIES

I was talking to Crow on the theatre screen, or at least a
segment of it. He had been unable to sleep, thinking about the fun
he had and how much he missed the Rangers. Sure, they had more
fun and shinanigans now that Frog, Pennywinkel, and Mademanna were
up there, but he just wasn't happy.
"8-Bit, I didn't wanna outright confess it, but, that
story we were in, even when it was scary, even when it was stupid,
even when I thought we were all gonna die, even when it was a
shameless Mary Sue story, heck, even when it looked like Frog would
be your avatar... well, I actually kinda liked that story, and I know
this sounds, well, not right, but I wish there was a sequel."
I must say I do kinda sympathize with the guy. There have
been many instances when I felt a sequel would be appropriate,
too, many of which never happened, or were a long way off when
they did.
So I said "Actually, Crow, based on what I know, a 'Sequel'
is actually very possible."
Crow looked up, with hopeful expectation in his face.
"It's possible? There might be another Mind Media?"
"That's not what I meant. We never even confronted -THIS-
Mind Media. It's still out there, probably dreaming up something
new as we squeak. Course, the only way we'll ever hear about it
is if someone writes a Mind Media story. Tell you what, I'll enter
a set of code into Compiler. There, now, any time someone writes
a Mind Media story, you, Tom, Mike, and Joel will automatically be
sucked into it. I suppose I could add Gypsy to the list if you
want..."
Gypsy suddenly came on to the theatre and said "No, no, I
don't like adventures. I'd rather stay at home and watch rather
than actively participate. I'll stay and keep Cambot company."
"Gypsy!" Crow exclaimed, softly enough not to wake anyone
up, "What are you doing up?"
"Oh, I was just checking something. I thought I had left
a disk in my Interociter, but couldn't remember clearly, and it
bothered me so much I couldn't get to sleep, so I'm going to find
out."
"Oh, well, okay."
Gypsy walked off. I waited a bit, and then said "Just
remember, Crow, Universes are unique, and there are things unknown
about all of them. I don't know that much about my universe. I
mean, do ghosts exist? Is Mars inhabitable? Are there Earth-like
planets elsewhere in the galaxy? Who knows!
"People are unwittingly creating new universes every day,
and the Mind Media is still out there. I'm pretty sure you'll
have another adventure again sometime. In fact, I was actually
anticipating it, and have plans."
"Really? Like what?"
"Well, of course you guys will be in the next Mind Media
adventure, however I've decided that if it happens, I'm going
to bring in the cast of another television show. Who knows,
maybe even characters from my -Original- fiction will make an
appearance."
"Ummm, which ones?"
"More than likely probably the superhero with the cynical
sidekick, or the wizard who wins battles by creating consistency
errors."
Crow shook his head and shrugged as if to say "Ah well."
He then thought of something and said "Hey, that part with the
note-taking and stuff, have you ever written any mysteries?"
I sighed (There's a lot of sighing, isn't there) put my
hand on my head, thinking, remembering, and said "I tried once,
but I don't know enough about the world to be able to write a
convincing one. The fact that my original stuff is anime-influenced
doesn't help, either."
"Mostly degraded down to a bunch of bakini-clad huge-chested
women doing superhuman feats and throwing fireballs, eh?"
"Actually no, one of my goals of writing is to be anime-esque
but to break typical anime cliches: No sex jokes, no big explosions.
personally I think a lot of anime depends way too much on flash and
sex and personally I don't like that."
"Errrmmm... Fine then, I see no problem with that.
"Ya know, One thing still bothers me, 8-Bit. Frog was
supposedly from the 'Real' universe and got teleported to a
cartoon universe via a portal. That's all fine, but then *you*
come in and confess that he was an invention of yours from a
slightly different mirror reality. What does that say about,
well, everyone? everything? Maybe the Mind Media itself was
a concoction of some whacked fanfic author."
I was thinking again, and said "Actually, Crow, I personally
do advance the theory that there is no true *Real* universe, and
that we're all characters made up by some kids in another universe,
who themselves think *they* are reality yet in truth are also fiction
of sorts. Ya never know, perhaps I'm a personification of an actual
fanfic author."
"That actually makes sense, but where does it end? Does it
just keep going on and on, universes begatting universes? And
obviously one universe must have existed first, or something,
right?"
"That's something I'm still trying to work out. Actually,
one of my originals happens to have a theme like this. Personally,
I think that at one point, everything circled around and the last
universe ended up creating the first one, which is kinda wierd but
it's also the only thing that makes any sort of sense, unless you
believe that universes keep criss-crossing via books, television,
games, etcetera."
"Or there could always be a central force from which all
universes originate."
"True. I don't buy it (Unless I can get it in the Flea for
five bucks) but it's possible."
From there we mostly talked about whatever.

-------

MISTED CREDITS AND A FOREWARNING

[Joel, Mike, and the Bots shuffle into the theatre]

>This fanfic is a work of fiction, any semblances
>to real people, places, or events is coincidental
>unless I say otherwise.

CROW: Yea, I know. People get teleported to other
universes all the time in real life!
JOEL: It was the most realistic story I've ever lived!

>Dumb Frog, Pennywinkel, Mademanna,

MIKE: Diddlywhop, OodlyGoogly, Evildemona...

> Dimm, Minor God
>Force, and both 8-Bit Stars are property of the REAL
>8-Bit, me.

TOM: So wait a minute, the "Real" 8-Bit in this story
is fake, too?
MIKE: [Singing] There's something strange / In the Ranger-
verse / Who ya gonna call?
CROW: Mike, no offense, but the Ghostbusters jokes are getting
old.

>Everything else are property of

JOEL: Whoever wants them.

> their respective owners.

TOM: Used without permission, meaning I am DEFINATELY getting
sued.

>Questions, comments, flames, criticisms?
>E-Mail me: nes_star@hotmail.com

CROW: Yea, it's incredibly intelligent to write a fanfic like this,
then, fully expecting everyone to hate you, give them your
E-Mail address. Next thing you know, he's gonna give us his
home phone number.
JOEL: Ah well. By the way, guys, I thought I'd mention, 8-Bit sent
us a tape for the kids.
TOM: Really?
JOEL: Yea. get the kids in here and we'll pop in Denver: The Last
Dinosaur.
[Tom moans, Crow cries joy]

FOREWARNING

I wasn't kidding when I said there might be a sequel,
in fact, fragments of a story are already entering my head.
Mind Media 2 probably isn't a distant possibility. I can tell
you two things right now. One, it's going to take place in
a fantasy-style setting and two it's going to have an RPG-esque
plotline which will more than likely revolve around some sort
of Object of Power.
However, before that I will probably write "Final
Origin" which is yet ANOTHER Origin story for Frog, Pennywinkel,
and Mademanna, which changes the continuity a bit (Frog and
Pennywinkel are no longer brother and sister and Pennywinkel
doesn't become a good girl) but otherwise should be fully
compatible with both Mind Medias.
I was going to write one involving the League of
Mousedom, but I dashed it because they are not going to be
in the continuity started by Final Origin.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
PROTO EDITION SPECIAL STUFF Below this line:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

* Liner notes:

The "Proto Edition" of Mind Media, unlike the regular one, followed
the earlier chronology of "Dumb Frog and the Rescue Rangers" instead of
"Final Origin." In fact, you can see from that closing paragraphs that
Final Origin was still in it's formulative stages when this was written.
So, for those who are confused and have never read "Dumb Frog and the
Rescue Rangers" here are a few explanations:
MINOR GOD FORCE was a joke character who my fictional representation
did skits with. He was primarily a guy who tries to pass judgement on
Ranger fanfiction and complains about stuff he doesn't think should be
allowed.
The original version of the Dumb Frog story was that Frog himself
was transformed into a mouse when he entered the Rangerverse, though for
some reason Pennywinkel and Mademanna weren't. Also you'll notice that
Frog and Pennywinkel used to be brother and sister. I changed this
because, really, this had been invented more as an out than anything.
Though in a way, since Mademanna was invented through cooperation between
their fathers and thus is a sister to both of them, they *are*, in a
weird way, brother and sister. Confused?