Entirely Different,
yet Exactly the Same
An 8-Bit Star
Double-Feature
Authors note: These are a duo of fanfics I wrote during moments of whimsy
on the Acorn Cafe Story Board.
The first, "An Entirely Different Kind of Fanfic" was just that--a
humorous attempt to be as
different as possible. The second one, "A Fanfic That is Entirely the Same"
was also humor,
but also not-so-subtle commentary on some usual fanfic conventions (you can
see me making
light of my dislike of angst fiction), in fact some parts of it were obvious
pokes at Loneheart's
"Gadget in Chains" story. I hope he doesn't mind. I'm just jealous,
that's all ;).
Below the next line, the stories begin.
And now... an Entirely Different Kind of Fanfic!
Hey guys, I noticed a lot of you were getting bored of the same old
type of Ranger fanfics (like all the Gadget angst stories) and thus,
I decide to write, for you, An Entirely Different Kind of Fanfic!
CROW: Umm... this forward was Exactly the Same(TM).
Oh? Well, okay, hows this? I had a height of whimsy that felt like
a drug overload and I got over-active to the point where I'm unable
to read anyone elses stories, so I decided to make fun of you all.
That better?
CROW: Now THAT'S Entirely Different(TM)!
Anyway, as our story opens, it was a warm and sunny day...
CROW: Dude...
Oh, I mean, it was... a cold, moist, rainy day with lots of fish...
CROW:... nah, that's typical too.
JERK!
CROW: MORON!!!
JERK!!!
CROW: STOOGE!!!
Anyway... It was a dark and extremely fishy mid-afternoon morning,
when Fat Cat broke into an Art Museum to steal a valueable necklace...
CROW: ...Ummm...
...Uhh, for CHARITY!
CROW: ... Okay, that's different.
...But suddenly, he was stopped by the Rescue Rangers! in his
anger, he scratched and disfigured Gadget's face! The Rangers
panicked and rushed her home where they proceeded to bandage her
up, meanwhile Gadget wondered if the boys would still like her
if her face came out looking hideous, and she began to cry...
CROW: STOP! This is degrading into a Typical Gadget-Angst
Story(TM)!
Egads, you're right!
Anyway, so Fat Cat, in his anger, scratched HIMSELF, disfiguring
his OWN face. He realized this, and let the Rangers win as he
rushed back to his hideout to bandage his face, and wondered if
his men would respect him if he was disfigured. He found he could
not bear the thought of himself looking hideous, and thus he began
to cry.
CROW: Fat Cat-Angst? That is also Entirely Different!
Fat Cat, now cold and bitter, losing his love for all, decided
that he only wanted one thing now--Revenge...
CROW: Wait! Fat Cat always wants revenge!
...Against Communists!
CROW: Oh.
So Fat Cat found a Hyperactive Whoopie Cushion, and flew to The Land
of Communistia. There he proceeded to shoot any Communists he could
with his Hyperactive Whoopie Cushion. As a final victory, he
hijacked a secret submarine called the Red October (named after a
Tom Clancy novel) and proceeded to sail it to the US.
Of course, those mean old Rescue Rangers could never leave the
grief-stricken feline well enough alone, so they somehow managed to
get on board the submarine and... [tries to think of something
entirely different] ...TRIED to crash the ship, but it failed and
Fat Cat captured them!
CROW: Dude, that's happened before.
Just wait!
Suddenly, Gadget blurted out "Fat Cat, you are mean, cruel, and
evil. You are swine beyond swine!"
And Fat Cat had an epiphany. "You're right, Gadget! Why, I never
knew before, but I am totally, unflinchingly evil! For years I've
struggled to understand myself, never suspecting what I really was!
Thank you, Gadget, for helping me find my True Self! And more than
that, you helped me discover complete, utter HATE! Gadget, I hate
you... will you marry me?"
Immediately she said "Yes!"
And those two lived Hatefully Ever After. The Rangers never
escaped. The End.
Now, how was THAT for Entirely Different?
Authors note: And now... A Fanfic That is Entirely the Same!
In order to counterbalance my "Entirely Different" fanfic (above),
I wrote a sequel, "A Fanfic That is Entirely the Same." Enjoy... or
not. WARNING: This might end up being both an Angst story and
an Angst Story bash, all in one ;).
One day, the Rangers had a case, and they flew to the rescue.
They pulled their mission off all right, but Chip got hurt and
Gadget got kidnapped. Why? Because cartoon females are ALWAYS
kidnap fodder, and Gadget was no exception unless you go by the
show (which many fans don't do anyhow ;). Gadget, it turns out,
was kidnapped by a villainous rat named LaBrat (Wow, a double-pun,
I'm on a roll here!). He proceeded to poke her, and prod her,
and generally make her feel like a piece of meat (or a paraphrased
line from a computer game, take your pick).
Back at home, Chip moped and whined about Gadget being gone. He
started to feel like he would never see her again. The Rangers had
already given up hope and assumed she was dead. Why? Because this
is an angst story. Forget logic, hope, or intelligence, we've gotta
get the hurtin' on, baby!!!
Meanwhile, Gadget was in chains (wow, a subtle reference!), quite
literally, and LaBrat continued to poke her, and prod her, and do
not very nice things. And she hated and resented him. She began
to wonder why Chip and co. hadn't come to rescue her yet, while
I wondered why I was writing such a stupid story when my usual
work is so much better.
CROW: Hey now, talking about yourself in-story (while attacking
same story) is entirely different!
It's normal for my comical stuff.
CROW: Oh.
Anyway though, Gadget had fun...
CROW: A-HEM!!!
I mean, Gadget was in complete, utter anguish. She kept pleading
with LaBrat to let her go, but he continually refused, stating that
he had something "big" in mind for her.
Meanwhile, Dale brought home a kitten big enough to hold in his arms.
CROW: You're defying physics.
It's commonplace in fanfics, trust me.
CROW: ... all right...
And he said "Guys, I found Gadget."
Sure enough, everyone looked at the kitten, smiled, and said "GADGET!
SHE'S HOME!!!"
Then Chip looked threateningly at Dale and said "so why are YOU
holding her?"
And Dale did answer "Because she says she can't walk."
And Monty evaluated his excuse, and saw that it was good.
Meanwhile the kitten laughed. "Ha, I managed to fool these saps
with my cuteness and charm, and now I will destroy them from within!"
And here the story ends.
CROW: WHAT?!?!?!
See, LaBrat went on to do some seriously mean things to Gadget which
got the story an R-Rating which caused Indy to delete it, thus no
one knew how it ended anyway.
CROW: YOU LAME PUNK!!! TELL US THE WHOLE STORY!
Oh, all right.
So, LaBrat continued hurting Gadget, while she kept telling him to
stop, but he wouldn't, because he's mean. But suddenly, Gadget saw,
in the corner...
"LEONARD NIMOY! HELP ME!"
"Hold on, Gadget! It may not be logical, but I will save you,
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!!"
CROW: I wonder what would happen if the *Real* Leonard Nimoy ever
read this?
And suddenly Leonard Nimoy turned into an unstoppable weapon:
UNICRON! And he blasted LaBrat to smithereens. Then he unchained
Gadget, whom jumped into his arms and declared her undying love for
him. Then he took her home.
Her home was in turmoil, for the kitten had caused so much damage.
When Gadget and Leonard Nimoy stepped in, they were met with
suspicion.
"Who are you?" Chip asked.
"Why, it's me, Gadget!"
"You're not Gadget! THIS is Gadget!" He pointed at the kitten,
who was licking it's paws.
"Chip, you can't be serious!"
The kitten rubbed up against Chip's leg.
"There! Only the real Gadget would rub up against my leg like that!"
"Chip, I've NEVER rubbed up against your leg!"
Then Chip thought, and realized "YA know, Gadget HAS been acting
kind of strange lately... this one doesn't invent things..."
But the kitten jumped up and licked his face, and Chip immediately
lost his suspicions. "No, THIS is Gadget, without a doubt, and
you are a fraud."
And the real Gadget's eyes welled up with tears. "I hate you, and
I hope I never see you again!" with that, she walked out the door
with Leonard Nimoy, with whom she settled down with and lived a
nice, happy, quiet life. Meanwhile the rest of the Rangers, driven
to hatred and jealousy by the kitten, eventually broke up and went
their seperate ways.
CROW: Wait, don't Ranger fanfics usually have HAPPY endings?
Oh, yea, that's right. Ummm... a week later, the former Rangers all
realized that they're a bunch of nitwits who couldn't tell a cat from
a mouse, and got back together. Gadget eventually forgave the guys
and also came back, and Leonard Nimoy joined the team. And they
lived happily ever after. The End.