NOTE: This is a humorous/parody fic. Gadget does not actually get tortured in any way.
While walking through the
Ranger Tree, the day before today, I met my young friend Gadget, and we had
many things to say.
"Gadget," I said,
"What's your opinion on Angst fics?"
"I don't have one,"
is what she said, "I don't read fanfics, they bore me dead.
"But what is this angst
that so you speak? Tell me, tell me! Let me hear you squeak!"
I never knew Gadget was so poetic
and went off and said "Well, so far, none end up with you dead." She
waited for meto continue, and then I added "Some have you going through
a fate worse then an intoxia of lead."
"Howso?" she wondered,
so obtuse.
"Well, one story has you
in a straight jacket, never getting loose. In it you were convicted of a crime
you didn't commit, and got sent to jail lickety-split! In it you were beaten,
stripped and hanged, on cell bars your head was banged."
"Was that all?" She
smoothly asked.
"Why, is there more?"
"Not much at all. I don't
mind physical pain that much at all, you see, what with all the years of my
inventions blowing up on me. So being hurt is nothing new. I can overcome it,
you should too."
So I thought, and added then,
"In another story, the problems worsen."
"Oh, howso?"
"Well," I described
a story in which something unspeakable happens to her, something which rhymes
with 'Tape', "And now you know."
"I wouldn't say so,"
she answered much to my dismay.
"What?!?!" I answered,
shocked beyond relay.
"Did anyone ever tell you
you're getting desperate for rhymes?"
"When writing, one flows
with the times."
"That's silly, but anyway,
that again goes under physical torture, to which I have no object. And a child
of mine would simply be a new Rescue Ranger," she looked at a broken VCR,
"Darn eject."
"How can you take this
news so calmly?" I wondered aloud.
"Well, they're only fanfics,
under any cloud. And I'm a Rescue Ranger, night and day. When I signed on, I
new I had to be prepared for anything, come what may. So you see, no matter
what anyone says or who, I can not be hurt by mere pain any more than you."
"All right, what if I told
you I once wrote a story where you were subjected to mental torture, too? Or
Rhyme and Reason, where a villain wanted revenge for her brother you accidentally
slew?"
"Why? What exactly did
the villains do?"
"Well, my villain put you
in a chamber where you were exposed to all your worst fears."
"Oh dear."
"Struck a cord, did I?"
"Not this side of Gemini.
See, my worst fear is something I see all the time, my inventions breaking,
so that torture is sour like a lime."
"Well, the other villain
pretended to be about to destroy via acid your father's remains."
"Oh, did she? That really
is tame. Sure he's my father, and yes it's disrespectful to the dead, but destroying
the remains would have the same effect as erosion, millions of years ahead.
If I'm not going to be bothered then, why would I be bothered now?"
All I could say is "Wow.
Is there anything that would bother you, anything at all?"
"Well, there is one thing,
but it must be a secret, between you and me, and not anyone else at all."
"Agreed," I crossed
my fingers. "What?"
"I know this sounds silly,
I almost hear your giggle, but the truth is, I HATE being tickled!"
"That's all? Nothing bothers
you, not sanity, not humility, not even pain?"
"Not even standing out
cold in the rain. I'm a Rescue Ranger, I'm prepared for it all. No challenge
is too difficult, too great, or too small. Go ahead, hit me, make me cry, but
you know that a life of misery is, for me, all a big lie."
"Wow," I said, thinking
it through. And I wondered. If Gadget's this strong...
...Why not me, too?